Ok... so he hit me back

[Broken_Doll_ParTs]

Thats a good start!! At least you know what you need to do to fix this issue... Im sure you will overcome this.

 

 

[LostInMyThoughts]

We're all on the same page here sealy. You asked for our opinion and we're giving it to you. You may not like it, but this is our advice. We aren't judging you as a person, but we are commenting on your behavior.

 

Well said.

 

Seally:

We're not trying to abuse you here. This place as quite the opposite.

 

Good luck with your counseling. As an abusive/alcoholic in training, counseling changed my life.

[avman]

Ok therapy is a great start. They will help you in all the ways we cannot. This will take time and requires professionals who understand how to treat it. We are just ordinary folks who try to give you a direction to turn to.

[ShySoul]

seally,

 

You have agreed to get therapy, which is great. Perhaps it would also be wise to take some time apart from each other just to cool down. It wouldn't be breaking up or giving up on things, it would just be for your own safety. If being together lead to physically attacking each other, then maybe you need some time apart so that the temptation isn't there for it to happen again and for someone to seriously get hurt. You can still call and talk to each other, but a time out except for therapy may be wise.

 

I don't mean to judge you, just throwing out some questions for you to consider. Where does all this anger come up? Did something happen to you when you were younger? Bad relationships in the past? Is there any other, better way of dealing with things when you get upset? Maybe a walk or sport? Maybe writing, art, or anything else? Only when you face what is causing all this anger can anything be done about it.

[Setter5]

My ex punched me twice in the face, so I smacked her in the shoulder to get her away from me. Wish I never did it, but any fist coming at my eye is going get something. Probably a good thing...got to see her white trash side. It helps me sleep now.

 

Men are stronger than women typically, so it's not cool to hit back. Don't hit anyone if you don't want the CHANCE of getting knocked back. Period.

 

Get out of this...you or he will never forget the physical Abuse.

 

Good Luck

[novaseeker]

The thing to understand is that once you have been hit by your spouse/gf/bf, that act in itself has a tremendous traumatizing impact, and it's very hard to overcome that. That's the case for the OP's impact on him, and his impact on her when he hit her back ... it creates a lot of emotional and pyschological trauma. I was pummelled by my ex-wife at one stage (and no, I didn't hit back) and it created a lot of trauma that was nearly impossible to get past, really.

 

I agree with the others that a key to this is getting to the core of what is causing the reservoir of anger inside you to well up, and it's great that you're going to go to therapy. It will be work, but it will be good for you as well.

 

Another issue you'll need to work on, however, beyond anger, is the trauma that this abuse has caused for each of you, and whether (and if so, how) you two can rebuild a relationship and get past that trauma.

[yeawutever]

Get out of that relation. he prollie had enought of ur beatings and now he's responding back, which isn't good either. But seriously, where does all this anger in you come from. There was no reason for u to beat him when u use to do it. There never is a reason for neither men nor women to beat their spouse. If u wnat to work it out, both of u should go to counseling.

[Scout]

Seally, like I said in my first post, I recognize that you are admitting the problem. That takes courage on your part, even to do so on an anonymous forum, because really you're admitting to yourself a behavior that you know in your heart is, well, shameful.

 

Unfortunately, few abusers ever admit this and continue to take it out on others.

 

Because you are admitting this, there is real hope for you to change, because now you know you simply must take those steps (therapy being the first step) to overcome this.

 

I know it wasn't easy hearing our take on your situation...and in one of your posts I did see a bit of anger creep out at our responses...but you came back and posted again and agreed you need help. Again, another right move on your part.

 

Please keep us posted. We do want to help, and unfortunately, we rarely get the opportunity to help someone with an abuse problem because they hardly ever admit the problem. Too often we have to counsel victims, and if you visit the abuse forums, you can see the toll it takes on victims.

 

Thanks again for coming here to share your concerns. We do want to offer help in any way we can to supplement your therapy.

[tyler711]

"I actually think I could seriously damage him. I have already damaged him mentally to the point now he is suffering with depression too."

 

You have a major superiority complex, a serious medical condition that needs addressing, and you beat/abuse your boyfriend, as well as cutting yourself. Seven times in 3 months? And one time he slaps you to get you off of him. That, right there, is a GOOD man. Most men would pack their bags after the first "episode". To me it sounds like you are playing on the old "a man hitting a woman" cliche to gain sympathy. In denial?

 

In my not so humble opinion, I suggest three things: 1) Admit you have a few VERY serious problems. 2) Tell the entire story, not just "my boyfriend hit me". When people hear that they instantly think the man is some deranged, abusive alcoholic. 3) See a psychoanalyst or some kind of physician by yourself for the cutting, breaking, yelling, scratiching, and beating. See a relationship counselor WITH your partner to salvage your relationship. Just hastily get in to see someone, anyone! Good luck-

 

Tyler