Am I falling out of love?

[snuggles]

I'm female. Young, only 20. When coming out of high school, I had just been in a 2 year relationship with my bf when he broke up with me. After that summer, I went into college single and quickly found a bf after 2 weeks. We have been together now for almost 2 years and I love him so much.

 

The last few months of our relationship have been on an off mostly because of the redundancy of our situation. I felt bored. We soon got back together and have since remained so. But, now I feel bored again.

 

We have a date every Friday (because of the 30 min. drive b/w houses).

But, when we do go on a date, it's always dinner and a movie. Also, the phone time is virtually silent. We play the "Iloveyou game" over the phone, but that's the extent of our conversations nowadays.

 

He's completely perfect and could be the one, but I'm not sure if it's worth it. I love to hang out with him and during the times we were apart I missed him like crazy. But, as I said I'm 20 and not sure if I should stay in this relationship. I don't want to lose his friendship, but I'm afraid I will.

[foreverurz23]

maybe you should give it time, a lil bit of time will never hurt anyone. during that time there maybe something that sparks it or it may just be the space between you two that is really turning you off.

good luck.

~foreverurz23~

[faeriechyld]

As the saying goes "marry someone you can have a good conversation with" or something along those lines. The point is, everyone stresses communication, but it seems you two don't have much to communicate or converse about. Hence where the boredom sets in. Why not try something spontaneous to spice up the relationship. Try going to the movie, THEN dinner!!! Just kidding. But try doing something different. Are there any amusement parks near you or not more than a few hours drive away? Spontaneity is good for any long term relationship. Routines can kill the romance, so find something different, fun, and hey, maybe even romantic to do! It should help your relationship in many ways.

[bzborow1]

maybe you could talk to him about your relationship? Mention that you two always do the same things with little to no variety and it's kind of boring.

[snuggles]

Thanks for all the replies.

Although ya'll give very good advice (thank you so very much-I appreciate truly) I thought it would be pertinent to include that the reason we have had an on an off relationship is for the same reasons that I am in this situation again.

I broke it off with him so many times because I was bored. I talked to him about it and the situation seemed to change for awhile but then in went right back to the way things were.

I don't know if this is the way it is supposed to be in a long-term relationship (you know-comfortable) or if we are just growing apart.

[crookster_man]

The fire calms down once the infatuation is gone. Chance is you will not marry this guy. You are only 20, but don't give up on it because of this reason. Have fun with him, start doing new things. This will happen in EVER relationship you will ever partake in. You have to actively WORK at maintaining a relationship. It just doesn't happen.

 

So many people expect relationships to just work. It's like a child, you have to nurture and play with the child or else it will not grow and possibly die. If you feel that you want to get out and have a good time, experience new things. Then go ahead, meet new people. Just understand that once you decide to have a long term solid relationship you will have to work on it. You will never have a lasting romance unless you work on it.

 

I hope my words and that of my fellow advice givers have helped you. Trust your heart and follow it's guidance.

[snuggles]

Thanks for your advice CrooksterMan. I don't feel it is infatuation, but just the same it does need some spice. I know that a relationship needs work ( trust me, I've had more than one of them) but when you work on the same problem over and over again, where is the point when you just give up on it. And, when (and if) you decide to give up on it, how do you do it gently? And, how do you remain friends?

[crookster_man]

Remaining friends after a break is usually hard especially when one party is not ready to give up yet. I think if you sit him down and explain to him why you need to end it and answer any questions he might have. The one thing you can do for him is give him the closure he deserves. If you have invested a lot of time in this relationship. You at least owe him a valid explanation. Tell him that you have made up your mind and that this problem is unfixable. Let him know why you have to leave and if he asks about other people or stuff like that tell him the truth. Let him feel loved in leaving. This is the gentlest way of letting someone down.

 

Don't get upset even if he does. Don't get mad and say spiteful things (you will regret it) even if he does. End it with your head held high, he'll thank you in the long run. It will also allow you to be friends eventually.

[Sup2]

Sounds to me like you spent all the good stuff already. Remember - hope + doubt = Passion.

 

If there's no passion you have to figure out what's missing.

[GH2001]

I would say this... what is wrong with falling "out of love?"

 

You are just 20. Don't marry someone you think you can live with, marry someone you think you cannot live without.

[thegirl_00]

After two years in a relationship that is around when the spark dies down and the true love you have for a person decides weather you guys will tough it out or break it up.

 

If you think about a lot of relationships with people around your age you will find that they normally don't last too much longer then 3 years and thats because a lot of younger people "fall out of love" due to the bordom stage of a relationship. Only those who are truly in love stick it out until the very end.

[drum4god]

Have you told him you are bored? Have you told him you are sick of your phone conversations? Be real with him, perhaps he doesn't realize your bored. Who knows this may cause a fight, and create a spark you need. I know this sounds crazy, but I think a good fight might be the best thing for you guys. Tell him how you truly feel, and don't worry about how he reacts. You have to let him know how you feel, and then give him a chance to change.

 

One thing that always help me with my relationships, is hanging out with others. Are you two always alone. If so, that is not good. Double date, call your friends, and bring him alone, or vice versa.

[nottoogreen]

Hi snuggles,

 

In addition to what other posters said, I feel you are remote to him. I am concerned that you hooked up within 2 weeks.

 

some questions:

 

You see him only once a week?

 

Do you look forward to meeting him?

 

What about your interests?

 

What about his interests?

 

How is your sexlife with him?

 

What do you feel is lacking in your life?

 

Could it be that you are looking for someone "more special"?

[silky88]

it sounds to me from you posts that you already know your answer, you just need to be able to follow through with it.

 

you want to break up with him because you are bored with him, and in fact, have done it several times before. it is completely normal to miss someone like crazy after you break up with them, even if you know in your heart of hearts that it is the right thing to do. i've been there more than once. you have been with this person for years; he has become part of your life. it's gonna sting when you cut that part out.

 

but to stay in a stale relationship with nothing to talk about and no excitement will breed resentment. you are too young to be settling for something less than what you want. i'm not going to say "play the field" or any of those cliches, but if you are bored now, imagine how you'll feel in a year, five years, ten years...

 

if you cut the cord now, it will hurt less for the both of you than it would if you did it later. plus, part of what youth is about is trying out different situations. if you do the same thing every friday night, that's not making the most of life.

 

you say he's perfect -- but it doesn't sound like he's perfect FOR YOU, else you'd have something to talk about on the phone. you want excitement, he likes routine. that doesn't sound to me like perfect.

 

be strong, and good luck!