gratefulpain Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 It hasnt happened but my ex is the type that gets extremely jealous and would want to check up on me or try to stop by and need something I forgot to drop off. this is my second day of NC and didnt want to flip out if I got the late nite bang on the door..alot of my voicemails say "you better not be (explcetive) someone on the bed we bought together bla bla bla... note she got some new guy 2 days after we broke up. i cant bring myself to look at women yet... still in major pain.... any thughts ... if i dont answer the door she may go balistic.. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 I would tell her that banging on the door is stalking. And that you need time to heal. And if she wants to talk to you, she should call you and schedule a time to talk. Stand firm. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 I would say the best you can do is totally ignore her. If you react to the inappropriate messages and visits- you will just reinforce her bad behavior. She is trying to get a rise out of you and make you angry. If she begins to show up and continues to make threats, then file a no contact order with the police. Save any threatening messages she may leave you- because if you file a no contact order- you'll need them for evidence. BellaDonna Link to comment
lgirl Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 hey gratefulpain, sorry to hear you feel so bad - it is still early days and you'll probably feel that way for a while, so hang on in there. It hasnt happened but my ex is the type that gets extremely jealous and would want to check up on me or try to stop by and need something I forgot to drop off. this is my second day of NC and didnt want to flip out if I got the late nite bang on the door..alot of my voicemails say "you better not be (explcetive) someone on the bed we bought together bla bla bla... note she got some new guy 2 days after we broke up. if i dont answer the door she may go balistic. 1) it hasn't happened yet, so don't presume she will come looking for you 2) you don't have to answer the door to her - are you scared of her? 3) so what if she flips out, put the phone down or don't answer it/leave yr ansafone on 4) sounds from her reaction you did something pretty hurtful - people don't normally react that way for no reason you sound frightened of her or looking for problems when they haven't happened (yet). if you genuinely find her threatening and abusive, call the police!! sorry, but i don't think acting in/from fear will get you anywhere. it's up to you how you react - if you know what she's like, then you can be ready and avoid her BS. in the meantime, try & concentrate on yourself for now PS what's up with calling yourself 'grateful pain' - are you into pain or something? (that would explain your post...) Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 Yeah, actually, Bella's suggestion is better. Don't even answer the door. Or, tell her through the door to go away. When I got the police involved when a guy was knocking on my door like that, they asked me if I told him to go away, I said I didn't. The police told me that I should have just told him through the door to go away. Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 Having been a victim of stalking myself...it is important that you document EVERYthing...especially if she makes any threats. If she has done this before and and you have given in...you are in fact reinforcing her behavior. That is NOT a good thing. You must be firm and consistent in your dealings with her. If youhave to threaten to call the police...do so. A simple threat may be all it takes....but then DO it if you need to. Link to comment
Spawn Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 i did this in my college days....it did work tho. You may find it lil stupid. I taped one my friends dogs barkin thing and some other weird/ scarry sounds on to a cassette and asked her to play it loud if her ex came by to their house in the night.It worked the very first day itself. He was never to be seen again near her house. Although it sounds funny and rather stupid idea it could backfire as well. Anyways call the police, i know i would if at all it didn't stop with a "please go away" thing. Link to comment
gratefulpain Posted February 1, 2006 Author Share Posted February 1, 2006 im am actually a bit scared of her shes high strung, even when we dated she accused me of looking at other women etc. she would hit me all the time and flip out. aaanyway dont want to go there. The problem is we were both maiking shared payments on dryer and stove from sears. 2 days ago she said i dont need them but send money till its paid off. she thinks im seeing other women and now leaves messages that i want all my stuff bla bla. I calmly offered to get a trailer and drop off everything in one shot when she wasnt home... she later left message that thats ok her new bf and friends will come get it.. i dont think im ready for that... i think shes trying to rub my face in it. my plan is to put everything in my garage and let her come get it when im not home.... pain is the great motivator and shaper of character.... im not grateful for this pain but i have to believe i will be a better man because of it hence my name gratefulpain Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 If her or anyone else is coming to get her stuff- I suggest you #1- make them arrange a specific date and time (i.e. not just show up) #2 If you do have ot be home- Have "allies" of your own there. Don't be there alone. Have a friend or family member of yours there for support. Gather as much of her stuff together as possbile- and put it in one room- so they do not have to be all over your home for an extended period of time (garage is PERFECT). Having a friend or family member there with you will also help occupy you- so you do not have to alk to her. You could play cards- play a videogame, watch TV - do SOMETHING with your friend/family member to pass the time and seem apathetic when you ex or whoever she sends is there getting her stuff. BellaDonna Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 That idea sounds good Grateful. Don't let her manipulate you into anything.... If she's jealous..OH well....she's got a new b/f, so whatever YOU do is NONE of her business. You have every right to tell her that. Stay strong. Link to comment
gratefulpain Posted February 1, 2006 Author Share Posted February 1, 2006 thanks everyone... this whole thing suxs i hate this..why cant it be over with its like a nightmare in slow motion Link to comment
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