Why has she been lying to me?

[CluelessGuy321]

I have weird situation going on:

 

A friend has been lying to me and I don't get: why?

 

My friend and I live pretty far from each other, and we usually communicate via Instant Messanging. For the past year, she's been living with some guy as roommates. I figured something was going on there, but whenever I asked her if she he was her boyfriend, she would just deny it.

 

Anyways, she visited me last summer and just acted different. She wouldn't hug me anymore just act generally like she used to act. She was really reserved. I asked her about this and she told me that she was hit by someone on a date, and she now has issues with contact. (Mind you that she is 5'11" and has a 2nd degree blackbelt in Karate).

 

Secondly, I just don't call her anymore. Whenever I did call her to see what's up, she never picks up the phone. Or she would pick up and hang up and turn it off. The only way I talk to her on the phone is if she calls me up. When I asked her about this, she tells me that she was just in an area of bad reception (her room). We've spoken when she was in her room before and reception is fine.

 

Third, I wanted to send her a birthday gift and she told me to send it to her parents. She made up some far fetched story about her boyfriend not knowing their legal status in their apartment.

 

Anyways, when I finally got her to admit she was in a relationship, everything just made sense. All the weird stories she made up.

 

My only question is: Why? Why could she have just said "Hey, I'm in a relationship and it would be awkward when you contact me." Why did she just make up all these weird lies?

 

I've written a thought out letter to her to basically tell her how I feel and how I'm ending our friendship, but I haven't sent it off yet. I have deleted her from my address book. I just can't figure out why a friend had to lie to me so, and why she would even talk to me, when most everything she talked to me about was just a lie?

 

 

And recently, she even messaged me about travelling together abroad or at least come over to her place, but why? What the heck does she want from me?

I feel like....a fool. Why all the lies? The truth would have just made sense.

No wonder it's easier to get along with guys.

[NJRon]

That's just weird. I don't know, cuz I would be as baffled as you. Perhaps she has some feelings for you... that's the only reason I can think of a friend not treating me as a friend and speaking normally about them having a relationship. I would totally think it normal for a female friend to tell me that she doesn't want to talk to me too much or hang out because she is afraid of it affecting her relationship... but to avoid me like that, it would be odd.

 

My only suggestion is not to send the letter. Just back off entirely. I don't see how any letter would help the situation at all.

[CluelessGuy321]

Yeah, maybe you're right. I just don't know if I should break off the friendship or not. I feel like I'm just some sort of chump to her. Like I wasn't even really a friend.

[NJRon]

No need to break off the friendship, just stop contacting her. Let her contact you and, if it gets too much to handle, *then* you can call it off. She may eventually spill her guts. Sometimes friends are nice to have when you just know that they're out there.

[stolenshadow]

I agree with NJRon it's likely she fancied you, didn't know how to act around you or around his boyfriend and ended up making a mess.

 

But I also agree with you about ending the friendship, I would just say "I thought we trusted each other and believed you were an honest person" then stop contact.

Unless she's very young it doesn't make sense she couldn't control her feelings, nobody needs such friends.

Good Luck.

[CluelessGuy321]

hmm, I really doubt she fancied me. I'm not the greatest look bird around. Acne and all.

 

But I know she had some other issues before this.

 

I've thought about it, and I've uncovered a bit more in my mind and things said before about what's been going on.

 

I believe this is her ex and she has gotten back with him. Other than that, I still don't understand the secrecy. I'm a bit of a sleuth, so I think I can do a few things to surprise the hell outta her. But I may just say screw it.

[stolenshadow]

Skin problems are not something that can make a good looking person be considered ugly I think, but if you believe she's not attracted to you then an extreme explanation to her behavior is maybe the boyfriend is controlling and jealous so your friend is doing silly things to hide you from him.

 

If that was the case there's little you can do, if she's not open or honest about whatever is going on there's no way to help her, at the most you could say an "I'm here if there's anything you want to tell me" but we don't know if and when she could accept.

 

So it's really up to how much you need an answer from her or prefer to stop talking to her.

[CluelessGuy321]

I heard he's controlling from a mutual friend, so you may be right.

 

I think what I'll do is show up to her door with flowers and cake on her birthday. Just to see what happens haha.

[stolenshadow]

If you want to know how she will take it all you have to do is tell her you'll show be showing up there, you'll have her reaction and you won't be getting in trouble.

[CluelessGuy321]

We live on different coasts. I'm acctually contemplating hiring a guy in a chicken costume who can play guitar, to sing a telegram to her for me on her birthday which is coming up.

[stolenshadow]

That is really sweet! But I'm afraid neither her or the boyfriend would appreciate it, you must be careful, she did wrong in telling lies to keep her love life hidden but if you want to continue being her friend you have to respect that she wants things that way, which means not doing anything for her without asking first if it's okay.

You have to know what you want with her, if it's possible or not and stick to what makes you feel better without making the situation more confusing.

[CluelessGuy321]

I sent a toned down E-mail talking about my feelings and how I felt and she responded by saying that she never made up any stories and that she was hurt that I thought that.

She said that she's only been going out with her new BF for 1.5 months now.

 

A lot of stuff doesn't make sense. Maybe it's because she's kinda changed. She used to be sweet and nice. She's kind of sarcastic and jerky now. Might just be mimicing me. I'm not sure.

[stolenshadow]

I'm very sorry to hear that, from what you have said many things indeed make no sense, and it's quite bad she now wants you to believe she's the victim.

 

I'll assume you are not a sarcastic or jerky friend to her, but if she comes accross as that to you it might be time to get a new friend, one you can trust and openly talk to.

[CluelessGuy321]

You're right. It's just painful to let go.

 

I've known her for 6 years and always enjoyed her company. She's the closest friend that is a girl that I have.

[stolenshadow]

Sadly we can't always keep the same people in our lives forever.

 

But you'll make new friends, or she might go back to normal one day, there should be good things ahead.