curlyl1 Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 My bfriend finished with me 6 weeks ago (lived together for 3 years). At the time he said he just wasnt in love with me anymore, i asked if there was anyone else a hundred times and he always said no. Today i have found out that he has been dating a girl from his work since 5 days after we split. He is 33 and she is 21. Im gutted and shocked. Please help me to get through this, I was doing so well before i knew this, but this has flung me back to the beginning Link to comment
boonpop Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 2 words, rebound coochie. I wouldn't even feel bad in that particular situation if I were you. One reason being the fact that he waited a whole 5 days before jumping head over heals into another full blown relationship tells me that you were dealing not with a man who loves You unconditionally, but with a man who probably is insecure about something and needs someone there beside him to validate his existence. It's always a good thing to take time to heal after a relationship, and a move like the one he made will only set him further off of his track. Not to bad mouth him or put out any negative energy, but let's say their relationship isn't just a rebound fling, and they do decide to run with it for lets say oh, 7 years. She will be 28, still young and ready to date, but he on the other hand will be 40 and will be looking for an expensive automobile to help him cope with mid-life. Every situation that takes place in life can be looked at as a learning experience. The fact that your relationship ended when it did just placed you in a position to evaluate where exactly you are right now. Take this time to reflect what you've experienced, and appreciate what you have gone through and learned from your last relationship. The worse thing you can do is worry about the well beings of an ex, or ask questions to compare or contrast yourself with his new lover. You have better things than that to do with your time. Don't sweat it sweetie, you'll be alright. Link to comment
curlyl1 Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 Thank you for your advice. It makes a big difference hearing people's view on things. I agree with you that i should not waste any energy thinking about him and i will try not too - I think i am because this is new news to me. He is a nurse and works with this girl, so i think that he finished with me to be with her. She also finished with her live in partner about a month before he finished with me. He says that he didnt cheat...that is debatable...but even if he didnt physically he did mentally...sorry to go on and on, but i just need to get all my thoughts out and get advice Link to comment
arwen Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Curly, I am sorry for the situation. I have experienced a similar thing in my only long term relationship. He moved on with someone else and I have lots of reason to suspect he was already seeing her when we were going through another series of breakup-makeup. Of course it runs like crazy in your head right now. You are trying to put things in perspective and asking yourself if there were signs that you have missed, etc. Don't waste your energy. If it is of any comfort, my ex is still with that girl... but I am always the bitter taste of that relationship, as he has admitted to me and friends we both had. His relationship with her is partially overshadowed by the guilt he still feels about how he handled things and how he got together with me to get over HER initially, and later the other way around. What goes around, COMES around. Last time we spoke, he admitted to not being really happy with her. I don't wish him that, but still it is a bit of comfort for all the pain he caused me while HE was so happy with her. Ilse Link to comment
avoj Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 The same thing happened to me. My ex-girlfriend and I lived together for 7-years, than one day out of the blue she told me she hasnt loved me in years & was in the relationship for all the wrong reasons. Let's be friends she says. Yes I heard all the lines. Give me space. We aren't compatiable. I dont care about you. ect ect I suspected she was seeing someone else. She denied it of course, but I was right all along. She is "in love" with her 21-year-old bi-sexual co-worker and are currently living together. My ex will be 31 in April. Her co-worker just turned 21 in August. My ex is living the life of a teenager right now. She writes about this crap in her blog on myspace. Lets see her g/f has 11 piercings. My ex who didn't have piercings when I was with her now has 2 & sounds like she partys all of the time. I honestly don't know what happens to people. She destroyed me emotionally, and I honestly hope this girl breaks her heart. Link to comment
novaseeker Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 It's hard to accept, but it's for the best. The fact that he appears that he was less than honest with you also is an indicator that you can do much better than him. In all likelihood his relationship with this other woman will not last, it's too fast on the heels of his relationship with you and he can't really be emotionally ready for it ... but that's his problem, not yours. Under these circumstances, I think you should count your blessings that this one is out of your life. You can do much better than this, and namely be with someone who will care for and cherish you, and not be flirting with pretty young women at work. Link to comment
curlyl1 Posted February 1, 2006 Author Share Posted February 1, 2006 Thank you again for all the support - it means the world to me. I am getting better day by day again, but for some weird reason the 22 year old thing is bugging me. One minute i feel sorry for my ex as if he is going through some mid life crisis and that one day he will realise exactly what he has lost, and then the next i am devastated that he has left me for someone so young...do you think it is normal to feel like this? Link to comment
avoj Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 I think anyone would feel that way. I think that way about my ex. That's a huge age difference. I also feel my ex is going thru some sort of mid-life crisis. Though now she wants to marry this youngin'. Whatever!!! Someday both of our ex's are gonna get dumped by those youngin's. I mean what could they possibly have in common? I know when I was 21/22 all I did was party & hang out with my friends. There is noway it will last forever. Well at least we hope. Link to comment
curlyl1 Posted February 1, 2006 Author Share Posted February 1, 2006 My thoughts exactly, but i couldnt work out whether i was just turning into a bitter ex, as i would hate that to happen. I just cant believe he has flung "us" away Link to comment
novaseeker Posted February 1, 2006 Share Posted February 1, 2006 It's his stupid decision to make ... but better you know now that he has this kind if judgment than a few years down the road, to be honest. Link to comment
curlyl1 Posted February 2, 2006 Author Share Posted February 2, 2006 Is the fact that they are together so soon after the split mean that they were having an affair, do you think? Or is it just a rebound thing? He says nothing happened before we split - but i just dont know anymore Link to comment
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted February 2, 2006 Share Posted February 2, 2006 Sounds a little like both, to be honest. For him to be with someone else 5 days after breaking up with you suggests that he was never going to the sort of person you'd want to stay with. He sounds a bit unstable and mixed up and you can do better. if they work together he may well have been thinking about it. But now hes gone...and I know it hurts but doing a post-mortem over and over in your mind won't help. *Its* not OK, but *you* will be. Link to comment
curlyl1 Posted February 3, 2006 Author Share Posted February 3, 2006 I know what you are saying about him not being the sort of person that i want to be with is right - i just wish my heart would agree. Guess it is just going to take time for my heart to catch up with my head...thanks for all the support Link to comment
curlyl1 Posted February 10, 2006 Author Share Posted February 10, 2006 He called me today, to wish me a happy birthday..we chatted and i made some comment about getting old...he said "tell me about it, think we just have to accept it!" What is that all about? He doesnt know that i know his new gf is 22 Link to comment
NJRon Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 He probably feels old... Link to comment
1824blue Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 As hard as it is, and believe me I know really just try not to think about when the relationship started or whats going on, or if they are happy. You have your life and he has his. It is not helping you move onto to better yours if you are too busy thinking about what he is doing. Now I say all that, and I need to listen to it too. I think it is all just stepping stones in the healing process, don't beat yourself up for feeling a certain way. It screams rebound, and a man who is not very sterdy or secure with himself anyway. take care of yourself. Link to comment
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