2nd full day with NC - having a breakdown... need some support

[hellokittykitty]

Some of you already have read my story - see "does this make sense" thread if you havn't...

 

Anyway, this is my second day of NC and I am completely breaking down. I can't seem to stop thinking about him. I remember all the fun times we had and I don't know if we'll ever get back to that. I see the same vehicle he drives even if it's not the same colour and I burst into tears. I try to go places and I am sick to my stomach that I am gonna run into him and he'll be with someone else... even though thats not why we even broke up. I am so sad right now, I have a picture of us from my Christmas party on my desk. I can't bring myself to take it down and I am on the verge of tears... please help me... I am so close to breaking NC ... I know I need to let him come to me but I don't know if I can do it...

[Lady Bugg]

Kitty....be strong. You'll get past this. The first couple of weeks are ALWAYS hard. Post as much as you need to if it helps. No one is here to judge you if you DO break down. We have all done it. It's part of the healing process....

 

POst here until the urge passes....it does help.

[rosstheboss]

hang in there, it is always hard and there is no getting away from that.

cry if you need to. if you can spend time with your friends and/or family and talk to them about your feelings. don't be worried that they won't want to hear.

soon you'll be able to look back and laugh at these feelings!

 

good luck

[ut_longhorn]

kitty...

 

you're going to be in a rough period for a while. But you HAVE to go through it. It's your body purging all the emotions and love from your system. Its basically withdrawl.

 

Take that picture from the Xmas party and put it away. In fact...anything that you feel that is associated with him...put it away. Put it in a closet, attic, anywhere that will be out of sight for a while.

 

just know this kitty....if you go back to talk to him, you will have ruined 2 days of progress. i promise you will start back at day 1 all over again if you speak to him.

 

you are 2 days closer to recovery. keep your strength up. keep posting.

[Dako]

If you give in, you'll hurt more. Aren't you fed up with pain?

Take a deep breath and throw that picture away. It will only hurt you.

I had my ex's pic on my desk and tore it up. It helped not to have her smiling at me.

It's just a piece of paper.

[deejay74]

hey kitty, i know how you feel. i was feeling the exact same way you were at the same time after my break up. you're going to have some days where you feel really good or strong, and some days when you feel terrible. it comes with the territory and it's perfectly normal.

 

all i can say is stay strong and don't try to push those feelings of pain, sorrow, and whatever else you may be feeling. feel them as much as you can and soon you will start to feel better. i tried to suppress those feelings and it took me almost a month to realize what i was doing. once i let myself feel the pain, i actually started to feel better.

 

just know we're all here for you and like what everyone says, when you have the urge to contact your ex, post here or call a friend or do something that will distract you.

 

hope this helps.

[Bethany]

Write everything down that you want to say to him. Write as many as it takes to get you through these next few days. Do it for you so you can pass through this phase without breaking NC. Pour it all out as much as you like but DON't SEND THEM.

 

Also, take down is picture, why torture yourself? You can always bring it back out when you feel better and stronger.

[Relationship Coach]

Hey Kitty,

 

Not trying to make light of your feelings but what you are experiencing is normal. NC is not like morphine, you will still feel the pain and emotionally you will be a wreck. Music and Hallmark commercials need to be avoided for a couple of weeks. There are some really great people here who are a few weeks up to a few months ahead of you as far as the healing process goes. Hang in there and listen to the words of these fellow posters, it may seem like a dark and gloomy road ahead of you but I promise the sun will come up tomorrow and another day is behind you. Good Luck.

 

RC

[Dako]

I got great comfort from walking long distances. It took me away from four walls and reminders and put me out in the real world away from TV, phones and other fake stuff. Remember how great it was to go outside after an long illness? It works the same way.

[mj2503]

You are so strong girl, I wish I had the courage to say no more contact, but I am so weak I keep reading his email and sending them back like nothing has happened when really my whole world has fallen apart.

It doesnt help believe me to contact them.

[hellokittykitty]

I am dying inside... I just sent a really long PM to someone I don't even know in order to keep me from contacting him. I really feel the need to tell him why I am angry at him.

 

It kills me inside to know I am so sad, crying and devastated when he is just happy with things they way they've turned out. He broke up with me on saturday and then went to a surprise birthday party... I stayed home and cried... have been for 2 days... I wrote an e-mail to him, never sent it. I am waiting for him to contact me and then I'll tell him face to face, he says he still wants to see me, but he could have just said that to come off looking like the nice guy...

 

I am worried that he said that with no intentions to follow, unless I call him and then he'll see me just because he feels sorry for me and wants to pretend he is the nice guy here...

 

I am so sick right now... I can't stop crying

[Lady Bugg]

Kitty, I am sorry to hear you're in such pain..but it WILL subside.

Get it all out of your system.

Continue posting.

Continue PM'ing.....

write in a journal, punch a pillow....

do whatever makes you feel better.

 

If it takes you a week to grieve like this ...do it.

You will probably find you're sick of crying over him...

that's when it's time to decide he's not even worth your tears.

Try to get out of the house if you can. It will help a lot. Work out...

buy a new outfit. Get your nails done.

 

You will make it.....

[shebop]

hey there. keep being strong! I am going through the same thing...and some days i feel absolutley horrible. My story is in the breakup thread i think. We broke up 6 months ago and I have broken the NC a few times. I thought maybe that he needed me to talk to him...i don't really know whati was thinking. I had any excuse possible to talk with (without looking desperate). A couple days ago I wrote my final email to him and finally told him that I need to stick to my word and cut the communication with him. I told him that I need this to move on and that I love him and I wish him luck.

 

When I thought about things I realize that breaking up is tough and painful, but I would never want to be with someone who doesn't really really respect me and feel excited everyday to be with me. Today is good day for me....but who knows what tomorrow will bring.

 

It is comforting to know that there is support...I never imagined myself writing in a forum... i actually didn't think I would have to deal with a break up like this either.

[hellokittykitty]

First, I kinda broke NC... I accidently sent a mass e-mail out to everyone in my e-mail address book - himself included... did I just break NC...??? bad??

 

Second, I thought a lot about this. I really do want him in my life. I do feel like we are ment to be together but this was just not the time. I am thinking about calling him on Thursday - we last talked on Saturday, made plans for this weekend....although the last thing he said was I'll give ya a call... I usually take the lead on things, it's always been like that, it's just the way it is. I know I am gonna get blasted from all of you because your all going to say stay in NC... but since we left off with him saying he doesn't want to lose what we have and he wants to keep getting to know me and spending time with me, I don't feel bad about calling... am I wrong??

[hellokittykitty]

I've DECIDED TO BREAK NC!

 

I have thought more about this and basically if my ex ment what he said about being friends then you won't be a jerk when I contact him, if he is then I know it's all for show and I can say F you and move on.... Hurt NOW or Hurt LATER!

 

If anyone thinks I shouldn't do it... POST now for forever hold your posting. Tomorrow will be BNC day.

[Nathalie1970]

Don't do it....You will feel worse if does act like a jerk. If you already did it, I hope it went well.

[hellokittykitty]

I broke it and called. He never answered, hasn't called me back. I honestly thought he ment what he said that he wanted to keep spending time with me... we had tickets to a concert this weekend... thought I would make sure he still wanted to go or I would give the ticket away... I guess I got my answer.

 

I am hurt that on top of everything, I've just found out he couldn't even be honest to be when he was ending it.

[Nathalie1970]

That's okay, at least you can walk away (yes, hurting) knowing that you tried your best. You can look back with no regrets saying I should have called him, or could have called him, you did and now you know.

 

I'm sorry that you are hurting right now, I am still at the same stage as you, I spent 1 month LC (he was still willing to talk with me, go out with me when it was convinenient for him and sleep with me but no relationship) and I finally put my foot down this last sunday and said NC, unless we can work things out. He hasn't called and so I know I have my answer (yes it hurts like heck).

 

Don't worry, as you can see, on this site there are alot of people out here to support you and know what you are going through. Chin up and remember you are worth being treated well.

[hellokittykitty]

thank-you. support is what I need. In a million years I didn't think that my ex would ever hurt me... he is the one person I truly trusted and now I am a fool.

[shebop]

its funny i feel the same way.....like a fool. it has been 5 months since i broke up with my bf, but we stayed in contact (as I was away for the 5 months) and i acutally thought when i got back that he would want to get back together. when he wrote me emails and talked to me on msn, he told me he still loved me and asked me questions about marriage ect. it has only been about a week since i offically told him that i wanted to cut the communication. i am in europe now...i am an athlete here (Pro) but i feel very alone. hardly anyone speaks english and besides training i get the rest of the day to think about what i wish could have been with my boyfriend. we were together for 3.5 years (my story is on the breakup forum). i don't even know what i am doing.... he was the first person i slept with...now i have slept with 3 other guys...doing this meant nothing to me....i just did so i could have some experience and say that i did.

 

he says that he still sees a future with me but he needs this time to figure himself out. we are 25 years old...a tough age...and the fact that i chose to pursue my athletic career here in europe. i just feel like an idiot for trusting him...it took me a long time to do it...to let myself love him. (we didnt sleep together for the first 1.5 years!...i didn't know what i wanted) and he stayed with me. Now he is off seeing other people and sleeping with them, as am i. Right now i feel really alone...sometimes i just wish that he thought i was worth the risk. b/c i know that love is a risk and I would have taken it on him.... the thought of going through this all over again...loving someone and it possibly not working out... ughhh i don't think i could handle it. the funny thing is most people dont' even know i am like this (my friends) i put on a tough act telling them that i would never want to be with someone who doesn't really really want to be with me. I don't show a lot of emotion....but i cry a lot on my own.

this sucks...

[ocrob]

Isn't it crazy how love is like an addiction. Kitty you tried to go NC and you finally broke. That is ok. We all have trouble quitting addictions. It is the same, if you are trying to quit cigarretts. You may go a few days and then you cave in. It is ok. I have not read your other posts, but I will after writing this. You sound very sweet and you need to try your best to go NC. It is so weired, but if you show someone too much attention they turn away. If this guy has any feelings for you, then he needs to think he is losing you and will come get you. I would not count on it and move on. I blows me away how many amazing, sensitive, intelligent women are on here and wonder why I can't meet them in my home town. I hate games and love really cool people. Hang in there.

[whatif]

Kitty, I can't believe you broke NC even with all the support. But I know exactly how you feel sweety. You are thinking of your EX in old terms when in fact he is a different person now. Like a post i read earlier here, when someone want to break up, its like switch turned off. Your EX is not concerned about your pain at this moment and you are still seeing him as the old caring boy friend.

I was at your position a month back and guess what, I am feeling wayyyyy better now. I still miss her, but it doesn't hurt anymore. Like everybody else said, feel the pain and mourn the loss. He left you because he has no feelings for you anymore or has feelings for somebody else. Let him go and start the healing. Good luck Kitty.

[shebop]

whatif-- your post makes sense..its so true, my ex was someone i always thought careda about me soo much and was always thoughtful. then when we broke up it was like a switch was turned off...he was cold and nothing like how he had been before. It is so hard not to think of him as how he was b/c i was with him for 3.5 years and he was my first serious realtionship.... how long will this take to get over??? i know everyone is different...but it just seems like everything in my life matters a little less when you lose someone you love.