Let's talk about self esteem!

[Cyberchick]

Hey guys,

 

I posted something awhile back about my severe lack of self esteem. I struggle with it, but admittedly, I'm not doing as much as I should be. I want to start changing that. Part of it is going to a therapist. I've been seeing someone and will keep doing so. I also bought a book called 10 Days to Self Esteem by Dr. Burns, that I will be rereading soon. I'm in the middle of doing my masters degree and am really concentrating on getting all my assignments done. I plan to start excercising soon, 3 times a week.

 

I know we all struggle with self esteem. I'd love to hear from some of you who have been building your self esteem up. How do you do it? What do you do? Did you previously have a poor negative self concept and where are you today in your journey? I hope this will inspire me to work a little harder.

 

Take care. Hope to hear from you soon.

[Kevin T]

I used to have somewhat low self-esteem. Or, maybe it was really low...? I can't really say. Either way, I was convinced I was ugly, for whatever reason.

 

But I came to realize that just because I believed that didn't necessarily make it so. After all, people believed for thousands of years that the earth was flat, but it wasn't. So it's quite common to hold a belief and espouse it as truth only to later discover it is false. This was the case with my own self-esteem.

 

Rather than simply lamenting the concept that I was ugly, I decided to change the way I thought about myself. Firstly, in order to remedy the perceived physical problem, I began working out. Although it improved my physical appearance a bit, it didn't fix my internal view of me. I still thought I was ugly.

 

But then I came to realize that I was by no means ugly. No one had ever told me such a thing, in fact, it was never even implied. For some strange reason, I came to believe it solely based on my own negative thoughts about myself. I had almost convinced myself of a false belief, simply by misinterpretting others' actions. It was ludicrous.

 

So, I discarded that old belief system and began to adopt one more synonomous with reality. I decided to stop telling myself I was unattractive and start believing I am. After staying with that for a while now, it has stuck and I realize how confused I was back then. It was all based on nothing... which is sad state to be in; one who is bound by none other than oneself.

 

I'm sure you'll find yourself and improve your self-esteem. Seeing a therapist is a great start, too. If you are unsure of where to start, they should be able to steer you in the right direction. Good luck.

[DN]

Concentrate on what you do well.

 

Learn from what you don't do well, change what you can about it while minimising the importance of what you cannot change.

[tranquil]

I had some serious self esteem issues in grade 8, but i got over them this year when i got my first boyfriend, for the first time i actually felt pretty! like i still blush a whole bunch, but now i just laugh at myself because i don't see it as a big deal anymore, so basically what helped me get over self esteem issues was getting a boyfried, for the first time, in 8 years of school. lol!

[Dako]

My mother used to tell me I was ugly, and my older brother was the handsome guy.

Years later, it just doesn't matter any more. I just got comfortable with my talents and abilities, and felt better over time. Sometimes self-esteem comes from experiences such as achievements or overcoming obstacles.

Today my brother looks like a tired old man.

[Celadon]

Concentrate on what you do well.

 

Love it. GREAT advice, DN. Thanks for the reminder. Sometimes I try to do everything well, then end up getting frustrated and not enjoying anything. Tomorrow I'm going to concentrate on what I do well -- and shine the rest.

[Lilac]

i am currently struggling with very low self esteem. i had every thread of self esteem shredded two years ago and no i feel like i've been ran through the shredder again. the main area that i am focusing on is my job. i have a great career that i am just getting started in and i am doing everything i can to throw myself into that and not worry about anything else. i will make another post called The "I Am Beautiful" Project that has also helped through some really down times

[ginger25]

I don't know if I have low self esteem, or I'm just shy; I do like myself, but I'm very self conscious and constantly questioning myself. I used to be painfully shy, things seem to have gotten better with age, but I still don't really put myself "out there" or take risks. I think learning to take risks really helps in building self esteem; Do something that scares u, however small it seems to someone else, like speaking up in a meeting or flirting with someone u like. It makes you realise that it's ok to fail. Life is just too short to be afraid.

 

I am in a job at the moment that I don't really think is doing me any good, yet I stick with it as if I am punishing myself somehow. The worst thing is I am even aware of it, don't know what I'm so afraid of...wish I could take my own advice!

[renaissancewoman101]

Yes, taking risks can help to boost your self-esteem. Like you, my self-esteem tends to be on the low side and I have a bad tendency of questioning everything I do and being wishy washy about it. I also have a hard time moving onto unfamiliar territory. I like to stay in ruts because that is what makes me comfortable. For 15 years I lived in Milwaukee and for the past 7 years I stayed at a job that was comfortable and made decent money, but did not fulfill me emotionally or intellectually. It was a dead end job but I did not have the courage to leave it and find another job because I feared rejection.

 

I took a risk this January and moved out to San Diego, CA because I felt it was time for a change. It took a helluva lot of courage to do it because I had never just picked up and moved somewhere with no job and little money. I feel more confident that I did it and I do have family in CA and my best friend lives out here too. My confidence has gotten better although I still need to go and find a job.

 

Failing is a part of life but should not define us. I know that is hard to do. I hate failing and that is why I sometimes dont take risks, because I am afraid of failing and of rejection.