yeawutever Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 AH, wouldn't u love it people, a world with no cheaters in it. They don't deserve to be excused for their horrible actions, that's just low, disgusting, and degrading to the SO. But, it's 2006 already and yet it still exists, just wondering if it will ever go away. I doubt it, but don't u people (those like DN and lady who have never cheated ever before) wish it will go, that would be good. I want no guy doing this to me, juck. But I dunno, now that I've reading to many post here of people cheating and those who gotten cheated on and chose to forgave, it's like giving the creeps. IN all to conclude, THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR CHEATING/LYING, NO EXCUSE. Yea, I'm mad again, I hate them. Link to comment
Caldus Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 It sucks, but such is life. It's things like that this that make me glad that I never depend on others for happiness or support in the first place. Link to comment
daredevil Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 It sucks, but such is life. It's things like that this that make me glad that I never depend on others for happiness or support in the first place. But be dependant on a girl or your family could be big boosts for your happines and self confidence, but I still admire your situation, me on the other hand would never could live a good and meaningful life if I didn't have the happines or support from my girl (when there is one, like now) or family Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 What would you do if you were married with 3 kids, and your husband cheated on you? It's hard. Fine, if you're dating a guy for 2 months, and he cheats, it's easy to give him the boot.... but, there are other circumstances which make people want to give a second chance. Link to comment
avman Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Cheating is just one of many things that can befall a relationship. I wouldn't put it as the worst possible thing that could happen. After all, would you rather be with someone who is physically abusive but totally faithful? I'm sure you wouldn't. You have to look for the partner with the best compatibility and the minimum of problems. Cheating, lying, abuse, and addiction aren't necessarily going to lessen overall as time goes by. Those are basic human faults and issues that some people fall into. Some pull themselves out of it quickly, others never do. Some relationships can survive these issues, while others fall apart. Welcome to the great human test called life. Link to comment
Caldus Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 But be dependant on a girl or your family could be big boosts for your happines and self confidence, but I still admire your situation, me on the other hand would never could live a good and meaningful life if I didn't have the happines or support from my girl (when there is one, like now) or family To me, happiness and self-confidence should always come from within, not from other people. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Ailec, I notice how much you post about cheating and in the infidelity section of the forum. Has this happened to you? Why so riled up about it? Link to comment
yeawutever Posted January 28, 2006 Author Share Posted January 28, 2006 annie24 say would you do if you were married with 3 kids, and your husband cheated on you? I wouldn't tolerate it, in that case, it would be divorce. Just b/c u have kids and try to make them feel happy, doesn't make a good excuse. I always heard the same excuse on talk shows on why they stay "Cuz of my kids", nope, cheating would be an immediate deal breaker to me. About an abuser but that doesn't cheats, that's also a deal breaker. But yea, it's true about some people giving second chaces, some even give third chances. Then it's the same excuse of why they dodn't leave the cheater "Cuz I love him/her". Yea, but LOVE doesn't make a person cheat. And being DRUNK, is no excuse either. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted January 28, 2006 Author Share Posted January 28, 2006 Hope, I never been into a relationship before, now did I saw cheating occur, just on talk shows and here on this forum, that doens't it give u people the creeps? Link to comment
the yang to the worlds yin Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 well i think all you can do is be with someone you trust, that hopefully has a high moral system, and then just hope that they'll be more respectful towards you and your relationship to not do such a thing. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Well, I bring up the married with 3 kids thing because what if you've been married for 15 years, and everything has been great otherwise, you have a business together, home together, but you were going through a rough patch, he got drunk one night and would up fooling around with another woman. Afterwards, he felt really bad, confessed everything, and wanted to work on the marriage again and go to counseling. Would you be so quick to throw away a 15 year marriage over an indiscretion he feels really bad about? Not that it excuses his behavior - it's still bad, but some people take these factors into account and decide that 15 years of good behavior vs. 1 stupid mistake.... they decide to give their partner a 2nd chance. Link to comment
Shadows Light Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 annie24 say would you do if you were married with 3 kids, and your husband cheated on you? I wouldn't tolerate it, in that case, it would be divorce. Just b/c u have kids and try to make them feel happy, doesn't make a good excuse. I always heard the same excuse on talk shows on why they stay "Cuz of my kids", nope, cheating would be an immediate deal breaker to me. About an abuser but that doesn't cheats, that's also a deal breaker. But yea, it's true about some people giving second chaces, some even give third chances. Then it's the same excuse of why they dodn't leave the cheater "Cuz I love him/her". Yea, but LOVE doesn't make a person cheat. And being DRUNK, is no excuse either. Ailec... aye, I agree with you to a point. However, when you are actually in the MIDDLE of it. And you get struck with the gravity and bredth of what divorcing actually is... it SLOWS you down. You don't Jump Ship immediately. Divorce...affects every facet of your LIFE. And your life touches so many other people. Your children, your family, your friends, your neighbors. If you have children the stakes are higher. Divorces impacts you.. Financially. To divorce on Principle.. "HE CHEATED" I"m out of here is great to say on paper. However, the reality of it is... its more complex and difficult to do. As I said... just the financial impact of it is astounding. Let alone the phychological effects on everyone involved. Children most of all. Children do not understand the complexities of a relationship... what would you tell your children??? Thats why... people stay and work at it. There are millions of rationaling thoughts that go into the act of "severing" a marriage. The ones who stay and try to work at it.. are not weak by any means. They are stronger by far because they are meeting the challenge head on and trying to valliently fight for what they believe in. Their marriage. Thier family. Thier children. And ultimately.. sometimes when all possibities have been exhausted. You can't breathe fire into something that has died. Then you make the decision to "amputate that limb".......and that is exactly what it feels like. Severing one of your limbs. And having to learn to addapt without it. Link to comment
melrich Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 I think that is very analytical thinking Annie. Always assess things in CONTEXT. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 I think that is very analytical thinking Annie. Always assess things in CONTEXT. I agree with Annie and Melrich on this one. It's easy to say "black and white" when you are 18 and have never been in a relationship. When you are older, and if you were to get married, share children, property, a business, investments.... the stakes are a little different. If something were to happen, you might feel differently. Not to say that cheating is acceptable, or Ok to do, but just to say that it really does have to be put into context, and decided for that particular couple and situation. Link to comment
Caldus Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 It's a case-by-case thing. Just be sure not to blame the whole opposite sex b/c you decided to be with that one person who resorts to that kind of behavior. Link to comment
novaseeker Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Yes and yes. A very good way of puttiing what it's like to work through a marriage and conclude it can't work. Link to comment
coollady1957 Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 I dont think it will ever change. THere will always be people out there that lie, cheat and decieve their partners. Would be nice if we lived in perfect world, where every one followed proper morals and ethics. but its just not going to happen. I grew up with great role models. I saw my parents love and respect and commitment they had for each other. I was married when I was quite young at age 18 to a great and wonderful man , that I had the most wonderul marriage with for 28 years. Then came the cheating lying boyfriend. THere are wonderful people out there that would never even entertain the thought of cheating, and then there are some that are so callous and uncaring that they will do anything if they can get away with it. If people feel the urge or desire to cheat on their partners, then they should just end the current relationship before they do something that is going to hurt the other person. I have no idea why these cheaters cant get that throught their heads. I am at soon to be the one month point after my break up, and am getting better every day. However I did find out some additional disturbing news about my EX from him family, that I have posted on the (Health mind body and spirit )forum. These liars and cheaters will cover up anything to get their way. I am extremely mad and upset at these people that continue there path of deciet. Link to comment
coollady1957 Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Let me clarify something for those that dont know me.I was married for 28 years to a great and wondeful man, but he passed away suddenly from cardiac arrest in 2003 at age 48. IN 2004 is when I started dating again and got involved with this person that turned out to be a horrible man that cheated on me, and then I have come to find out additional disturbing news about him. Anyway, I thought it might be a bit confusing on that post to say that I was married to a great person for 28 years , and then had a boyfriend. So I wanted to explain the reason I was no longer married after 28 wonderful years. Link to comment
the yang to the worlds yin Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 It's a case-by-case thing. Just be sure not to blame the whole opposite sex b/c you decided to be with that one person who resorts to that kind of behavior. of course, everyones different. but i think it should be relatively easy to spot an excessive cheater from about the get-go. then again i've never cheated, and never been cheated on, so i wouldn't exactly know Link to comment
RandomAdvisor Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Hope, I never been into a relationship before, now did I saw cheating occur, just on talk shows and here on this forum, that doens't it give u people the creeps? In general, cheating makes me mad. But if you want to start talking about talk shows...which talk show? Link to comment
vortex Posted February 3, 2006 Share Posted February 3, 2006 Hope, I never been into a relationship before, now did I saw cheating occur, just on talk shows and here on this forum, that doens't it give u people the creeps? It is so much easier to judge and criticise when we are a complete outsider, isn't it?! Ailec, you say you've never been into a relationship, then how would you know what goes on in a relationship that can sometimes leads to cheating. According to you, NOTHING justifies cheating. Well, I agree with you, cheating can't be justified, but it happens for many different reasons and due to diverse personal circumstances. Of course, there are people who would always jump on the occasion to have a bit of fun on the side, but that's not everybody's case. Relationships are more complex than what it seems. It takes more than talk shows and forums to understand what it entails. It's more about living it, than analysing it!The fact that some people have been weak enough to cheat and that others have been cheated on, doesn't justify your disillusion about relationships. Link to comment
miracle29 Posted February 4, 2006 Share Posted February 4, 2006 EXTREEEEEEMLY well put Avman. Ailec I respect your post, and for the most part i UNDERSTAND your passion for how much you dislike cheaters, but as Avman put it, there are so many worst things a person can do....think about that. P.S Ailec be careful. These infidelity boards can make you crazy, you start only seeking the "who's cheating" and next thing you know...you think the whole world is cheating and that is really not so. Try not to get swept up into this....I had to pull myself out of this rut as well....so if you must (just for your own sanity) avoid some of the infidelity boards and seek other relationship conflicts...just for your own peace of mind. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 Thanx, Miracle!! That's just what I needed, to stop writing on this forum for a little and go on to the others relations forum. Cuz, I gotta admit reading too much of infidelity sure make u think for a while that the whole world cheated, which is an overly irrational though, but now I'm better now. Lol, now I figure if there was no cheaters, then there wouldn't be an infidelity forum here. Link to comment
Caldus Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Well there is a lot of evil stuff going on in this world after all. Everyone has to get used to that. Link to comment
the yang to the worlds yin Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Well there is a lot of evil stuff going on in this world after all. Everyone has to get used to that. i fully agree, although that shouldn't warrant anyone to put up with disrespectful behabior or anything of the such. we have to accept that bad things happen, but we don't have to put up with them =P Link to comment
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