I really should ask her out or stop thinking about her.

[hammer81]

There's this girl at work who I liked, then stopped liking and NOW I like her again... Only this time I like her more than I did before and I'm spending an unhealthy amount of time thinking about her.

I've always thought of myself as someone who can provide stimulating conversation and wit and, so long as I can get someone alone and get to know them, I'd have a fair chance with them.

However, despite giving her a lift to and from work and having plenty of time to suggest we spend more time together, I'm finding it so very difficult to be anything but a bumbling fool. Even worse, I'm starting to get to the stage where there's no scope for a chance because the chances of creating a spark are lessening by us becoming just good friends (sort of).

Instead I spend my time over-analysing and clinging on to a hope. I know I should do what I suggest in the title but it's very difficult.

I need to bite the bullet somehow but I never get a chance or an opportune moment.

Perhaps I need to somehow let her know I'm keen without saying it.

 

I know you probably think it's easy just to ask but the problem there is that about 4 months ago I asked someone else in the office out (a sort of friend of hers) and was rejected. What to do!

[DN]

Think of something to do on a date, loosely rehearse what you want to say (keeping it simple) get her alone, draw a deep breath (without making it obvious) and ask her out. Be specific about what the date is about and when.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Learn from me young lad, I am in tremendous emotional pain right now. A few years ago at my job there was this woman I had a deep crush on. I only saw her in the cafeteria. I never spoke to her but we always managed to catch each other's glances. I never thought she was attractive until slowly and surely the way we would have eye contact and the liveliness I saw in her when she conversed with her lunch pals made me change my view of her. She soon became the most beautiful mystery. But I thought the constant daily eye contact was my own hopeful imagination and the feeling of attraction was not mutual on her part. However, deep down inside, something was brewing between us. The way she looked at me, I had never experienced that before or since. There was a chemistry that was unexplored thus unknown. Was there a spark? A flame? A forest fire?

 

Today I still don't know, and I regret every day that I did not follow up on our eye contact episodes. I saw her two weeks ago and I got such a strange vibe. It had been 3 months since I saw her last, and I felt that she was nervous around me for whatever reason? Was she excited to see me as I was to see her? Ir was my imagination painting a picture that I would enjoy? Again, I will never know.

 

I basically told myself the title of this thread, either ask her out or forget about her. Too late to ask her out now, I don't work there anymore. And too late to forget about her as she is forever stuck in my cerebral cortex.

 

And my heart has sunk so low right now, it feels like a third testicle. I wish you good luck in making your decision and that you do not suffer episodes of regret like I do.

[Kevin T]

I'd say make a move, but don't wait too long. I can speak through personal experience that waiting to ask a girl out for too long can almost ensure rejection. I can think of more than one instance where I met someone and liked them, but for various reasons, I wanted to make sure that they liked me before I made a move (I was way too cautious). Well, when I finally decided that I'm going to make a move and ask them out, in each case, I was turned down politely. I am fairly sure that I had their interest... but I blew it! Whether because of shyness, fear of rejection, resentment toward women (I've had some bad break-ups), I can't say.

 

But what I do know is this: If you don't act now, you will be sorry later.

 

It does definitely suck having met someone you really like, only to be too stupid to make a move early on and blow a really good chance to get to know someone really great. I have some regrets there, too. Some recent regrets.

[Markers]

yeah, don't wait too long. I mean, some weeks probably is not too bad if you just see eachother somewhere.. but you know, if you don't ask her out, she'll see it as "do nothing - no interest" and they'll get over you and you eventually get rejected when you ask them out.

[Kevin T]

In my case, I waited months. Biggest mistake I could have made (I think anyway).

[Miss M]

Hammer, would it help to imagine her rejecting you, and imagine that it won't actually destroy you?

 

If you can accept and know that rejection isn't the kiss of death, maybe you could realize you aren't actually risking anything.

 

I'm shy too, and really hate being rejected. But when I really like a guy, I will take the risk because that's much better than the torture of not ever knowing. And I've survived being turned down by a few guys because I've been able to regard rejection as a totally acceptable response ... it's really okay if I'm not the one for him ... just part of life... no reflection on my value or worth... and nothing personal.

[hammer81]

Cheers for your advice guys.

 

I'm going to have to do something

[xprincessbugx]

I say go for it, the worst that could happen is that she rejects you and then you move on. If you don't take the risk you'll always wonder what could have happened. Just go for it! good luck!!

[Kaia]

Hey how did it go? have you asked her out yet?

I agree with all the others, don't wait too long! It's obvious that you can't forget her (because you've stopped liking her before and now you like her even more), so please make a move while she still seem interested!

 

I had a crush on my guy friend but thought I was imagining things because he never made any moves in a more-than-friendly way. So in the same situation, I told myself to forget him and block any feelings I had for him. It worked for a while but the feeling came back, and I couldn't stop thinking about him. Again he didn't seem interested and I was in pain because I wanted to let it go except deep down I really wanted to know if he likes/liked? me too. That continued for another month or so and I finally asked him because I don't want to spend another 6 months thinking and wondering about him. And that's how we end up going out!

 

Even if it doesn't end up working out, trust me, you'd feel so much better!! He later told me that he wasn't sure if I was interested at first and later on he thought i wasn't interested at all. So it's possible that she is going through the same cycle as you. If neither of you don't take any action then nothing will be resolved.

 

Good luck and I hope it turns out for the best!

[hazlcha]

Here's the easy way to ask her out, in my opinion. (Easy, meaning not as put-your-whole-self-on-the-line as saying "Um, would you go out with me?)

 

Simply tell her what you plan to be doing a certain time and tell her that she's welcome to join you if she wishes. So you might say, "I'd like to have a cup of coffee after work next Tuesday, and you are welcome to join me." Odds are she'll know that this is more than friends, and even if she doesn't, no harm done. Believe it or not, keeping her guessing as to your intentions can help her attraction to you. And the great thing is, if you start hanging out more and more together, you'll both get more comfortable and things can evolve. If, on the other hand, she sees a guy who is basically barely holding himself together as he asks her to be his girlfriend, she won't likely be too impressed. Women seem to prefer guys who don't seem as if they need them. Inviting her to join you, instead of basically begging her to spend time with you is so much stronger.