to the guys...probably making a hugeeee deal out of nothing

[smiles314]

Hey guys...

 

If you are a man with already little patience usually, and sometimes have a short fuse...IF you are talking to say an ex gf, or just any girl who is extra sensitive and emotional woudl that annoy you. For instance, i had a talked to my ex online because i wanted to explain to him why i was being bitch and/or weird to him the nite b4 when he tried to speak to me.He had broken his nose and he wanted to tell me what happeend, and tell me he was in the hospital the past weekend..Well he just said i didnt think anything of it, i wasnt mad ..And he was just giving me one word answers and not seeming as interested to talkt o me...So stupid me pressed the issue, adn said you can tell me the truth..And i thought he was giving me the cold shoulder..He just said no but i have smoething to do...which was fix his computer and then shower.. All i had wanted to do was explain y i was being rude to him (cause it hought i coulda been mroe sympathic though he doesnt really deserve it), and he was just giving me short answers like he didnt wanna tlakt o me.. Then he said, someone came over his house and he had to go but said i'll talk to you soon..

 

See when he acts out of the ordinary i jsut wonder if hes pissed or if hes uninterested in me.. I guess i need someoen to tell me whether i am being way too sensitive.. Was he just anoyed bc i was pushing at him and he didnt really feel like talking? Just last night he was exccited to speak to me but i wasn't myself...And now today he was jsut shrot and brief and not that excited....Big deal or nothing at all? Do i take this as him losing interest in me? i was just doing good with him.. He has been wanting to speak to me a lot,a nd been initiating the convos. and now i feel like i messed up..Wat do i do to erase wat i did and be at an advantage again...Im stupid for even explaining myself, now its a lot worse off for me. When ur dealing with your ex, u just want to be sure you never make a wrong dumb move.

 

i know i'd still stay and talking to him online if my friend came over or if i was fixing the comp.. Ig uess everybody is different.

 

P.S. -we are only 20 yrs. old.

[segagirl]

Welcome to my life. Like you I read into every word, every silence and each pitch and tone in a voice.

I had this really long conversation with a guy last night, who I can talk to about stuff..he is a one word guy on one day...and chatting on another. So I just said: listen I cannot communicate like this, when I ask a question, I need a direct answer. Dont leave me here to create answers on my own..there is no telling what I can dream up!

(meaning i start to think ...is he mad, is he ok etc etc)

For me what works is being direct about my communication style. I tell a guy just what I expect, and just what I need to hear. And then I say..are you able to do that for me? and then from there I know.

example is....If I ask "why you are being quiet", he at least needs to say...its not you, everything is cool...I just dont want to talk.

Now the part you have to play is... if he says this, take it at face value. If you have told him what you expect..then anything he says needs to be respected as truth.

And lastley, don't ever second guess yourself. You can feel anyway you like, just be fair and explain to people (esp men) what you are thinking and need in return.

[greenie]

THE SHYNESS OF MEN what an odd phemomenon. It drives me ccrazy sometimes, yet at others i admire them for keeping so silent and able to make the girl scquirm for answers. I wish i could do that to guys. I guess our only weapon is dealing with it. I mean we too have our flaws as women, but not that many. hehehe Guys if you really like a girl, just say that and when she is drilling you with questions and upest that you can't answer them or feel like making up answers just to get her to shut up, just tell her you need to think about it and would like to talk about it at another time, make sure it is no llater than tomorrow, and call her and make the effort to try to discuss things. We know guys have issues discussing their feelings. It's ok, just remind us. THanks

[kdreger]

The Difference Between Men and Women

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Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

 

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ''Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?''

 

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

 

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

 

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

 

And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let's see . . ..February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

 

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

 

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a damn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

 

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

 

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90- day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.

 

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

 

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a damn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their .... . .

 

''Roger,'' Elaine says aloud.

 

''What?'' says Roger, startled.

 

''Please don't torture yourself like this,'' she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ''Maybe I should never have . . Oh God, I feel so . .... . ''

 

(She breaks down, sobbing.)

 

''What?'' says Roger.

 

''I'm such a fool,'' Elaine sobs. ''I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.''

 

''There's no horse?'' says Roger.

 

''You think I'm a fool, don't you?'' Elaine says.

 

''No!'' says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

 

''It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,'' Elaine says.

 

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

 

''Yes,'' he says.

 

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

 

''Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?'' she says.

 

''What way?'' says Roger.

 

''That way about time,'' says Elaine.

 

''Oh,'' says Roger. ''Yes.''

 

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

 

''Thank you, Roger,'' she says.

 

''Thank you,'' says Roger.

 

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)

 

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

 

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say:

 

''Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?''

[smiles314]

THANK U SOOOO MUCH FOR WRITING ALL THAT>

 

it actually does clear a lot up.