I'm Confused...

[Mitchell]

My girl & I have been together for over a year. We have been through a lot & are very close. For the past month or so, there has been this other girl, who's always sending me texts or calling me, or finding ways for us to be alone together, & she comes onto me. Of course I could never be involved with her. But she's really beautiful, & has this long blonde hair & seductive hazel eyes, & she talks in a way that makes it hard to say no to her. A few nights ago, we were at a party. She kissed me by the pool, & I was shocked & ashamed to realise that it took me a moment to fight it.

 

Anyway, lately I find that, even when I'm with my girl, I'm thinking more & more about Ambrosia (the other girl), & feel like I can't get her out of my head at all. She has a confidence & appeal my girlfriend doesn't. She says she doesn't want a relationship --- just a fling.

 

I feel like I shouldn't feel this way. That I shouldn't think of anyone else but my girl, who I love, really. How do I fix things properly?

[Boricua7]

Forget about Ambrosia! Don't talk to her, don't respond to her texts, don't allow yourself to be alone with her...what are you thinking!? Stop tempting yourself if you really love your girlfriend!

[melrich]

Yeah, I'm having a hard time working out the problem here. If you don't want to be with Ambrosia, stop answering texts and stop talking to her.

[ocrob]

I agree. This woman sounds like trouble. She is not worth ruining a good relationship. You need to cut off all contact with her. You may even want to tell your girlfriend about her just in case this woman is vindictive and tries to ruin your life. You have not done anything wrong to this point, but cut it off before you ruin your current relationship. I would not trust this woman at all.

[shyanne]

you've been with your girlfriend for only a year. is it really serious......i think if your were totally in love with her you wouldn't have thoughts of this other girl. maybe your not ready to be in a committed relationship yet and should date some more before settling down with just one girl.

[Boricua7]

you've been with your girlfriend for only a year. is it really serious......i think if your were totally in love with her you wouldn't have thoughts of this other girl. maybe your not ready to be in a committed relationship yet and should date some more before settling down with just one girl.

 

This is not true. Everyone is tempted no matter how in love they are because we are human and this fact also makes us animals. We all have certain drives and instincts that are hard to fight but what matters is not whether or not you have to fight but that you do indeed fight.

[newts]

Don't ever believe a girl or women when they tell you they just want a fling!! This maybe true for a very short period of time, however, the longer the fling continues the more people getting hurt.

 

Ever heard of Angelina Jolie? Ambrosie sounds like her - A MAN EATER.

 

Try to stop thinking about her as it's only temptation and if you can deny yourself of this temptation, the stronger your current relationship will be.

 

She came into your life so quickly, the more you ignore her etc... the easier it will be to forget her.

[theantibarbie23]

Sounds to me like she may want you because she knows you are taken and wants to see if she's "woman" enough to steal you away.

 

She's playing games with you and you are letting her. This isn't a hard problem to solve: STOP having contact with her. If you don't you are chancing seriously harming the woman you claim to love.

[Vanilla]

I agree with the poster above.

 

She is after you ONLY because you have a girlfriend. Some girls like the challenge to come between a guy in a relationship. They feed their egos by breaking it up and then the "fling" is done.

 

I do think that if you truly love your girlfriend you will have NC with Ambrosia and be able to say NO to her.

 

While we as humans may have temptation, what differs us from animals is our conscience and our ability to differ from right and wrong.

 

You know what YOU are doing is wrong, and you know Ambrosia- who is darn well aware that you have a girlfriend, is a pretty lousy person for consciously trying to hook up with you while she knows someone else is involved.

 

She is fine and excited to get you to mess up at the cost of someone elses feelings.

 

If you love your girlfriend get yourself together and be a man. Tell this girl to f---off and stick to your commitment...if you can't do that and really want to have this "fling" then please do your girlfriend a favor and break up with her so she can find someone who will respect her and value her.

[Mitchell]

I mean, I don't respond to her texts (don't keep them, either), but we are doing our HSC & have a couple of classes together. She plants thoughts in my head & like Vanilla said, I'm worried I might be letting her. I just want a way to stop thinking about her, but I don't know how to go about that. I don't want a fling & I don't want anyone else, either.

 

It's just a month ago I couldn't even imagine another person, & so quickly I feel like that's all been up-ended & I feel like she gets to me. Has anyone else had this problem before?

[Vanilla]

what do you do? you tell ambrosia its best to not talk anymore. That she's too flirty and you're very committed to your girlfriend. This should throw her off. In the case that she decides to take it as more of a challenge, then you just tell her you don't wish to talk to her anymore.

 

You know this girl is trouble, and there is only one way to keep her away- by making it clear to her, you want to keep her away.

[kristie]

mitchell, everyone in this forum has spoken the truth. take a cue from shyanne the guru, EVERYONE IS TEMPTED. so. everyone has a choice. me personally, in general i like to know how it is, and what's on my bfs mind. but i already do. he tries to prove his love, and he wastes alot of his energy. he expects devotion, and tries to simulate it. but i don't need proof. i'm not jealous. and freedom is good.i need space! i'm impartial, cold, unfeeling except in bed he says HA! or how about realistic. i don't want anyone else right now, but that could change. i'm flexible. but don't you be the fool. it's common knowledge! you never really trust anyone. as a matter of fact, your little sweetie could have her own crush. maybe she's questioning your relationship as well. stop wasting the girls time figuring out what you're gonna do. tell her whats up or bed the foxy attention seeker.(because that is whats important to most women, i'm the prettiest of all, most wanted, popular etc...)but maybe you need some space. do what you need to. be tempted. learn. whatever. your gf will pick up on it anyway. it's time to choose, and it's clear you have a choice. but if you have to think about it... there's your answer. be honest and know yourself,(being a man with 2 heads, this may require extreme focus) it makes everything easier.

[theantibarbie23]

tell her whats up or bed the foxy attention seeker.(because that is whats important to most women, i'm the prettiest of all, most wanted, popular etc...)

Please do not lump all women together as being needy desperate attention seekers. It simply isn't true. I've yet to meet a sixty year old woman who's still trying to win popularity contests. I'm sure that there are some out there but the whole high school mentality really seems to fade with age and emotional maturity in most folks I know.

[1babylove]

I agree with everyone. This girl is trouble. If you love your girl and you respect your relationship you won't continue to tempt yourself. Ambrosia isn't your friend otherwise she wouldn't be behaving the way that she is. You need to cut all ties with her. If you don't want to do that. Its only fair that you let your girl know that things are great with the relationship.

[kristie]

antibarbie i'm glad you know most of those folks, because i don't. i'm not lumping women together.bad choice of words. but i was talking about ambrosia, not you. i see women as individuals with the same basic traits. of course you don't want to be catergorized, you see yourself as different, independent and intelluctual, as far as i can tell. and i bet you are striving for something. but i'm not your age, so i wouldn't know what. i do know competion is inevitable and constant. me and ambrosia? same page.same age. and that 60 year old woman... she's got an agenda. oh, and you never leave high school, you just change the location.

[Mitchell]

I don't understand why she would just want to be with me to break us up. But she just doesn't seem to care when I tell her about my gf.

[Mitchell]

I don't understand why she would just want to be with me to break us up. But she just doesn't seem to care when I tell her about my gf.

[lovecrazy]

CUT THE HOE OFF!

 

Sorry to be blunt!

 

This chic is just an attention seeker! Tell her to stop calling you!

[theantibarbie23]

antibarbie i'm glad you know most of those folks, because i don't. i'm not lumping women together.bad choice of words. but i was talking about ambrosia, not you. i see women as individuals with the same basic traits. of course you don't want to be catergorized, you see yourself as different, independent and intelluctual, as far as i can tell. and i bet you are striving for something. but i'm not your age, so i wouldn't know what. i do know competion is inevitable and constant. me and ambrosia? same page.same age. and that 60 year old woman... she's got an agenda. oh, and you never leave high school, you just change the location.

 

You made a blanket statement about what most women want in your first post and I called you on it. It's quite sad when the most important thing for a person is the constant need for validation. That's all that those things you mentioned really boil down to: the desperate need for an ego boost.

 

I'm sorry you feel that no matter how old you are or where you go, people still act the same as they did in high school but, I really don't see it. When you get older, there's less time with friends and more time with family, kids, career, and you simply don't have the time or energy to worry about the stupid stuff you cared about back in school, at least that's been my experience.

[patience]

Do you want a fling? Do you want to risk losing your gf over a fling? This woman could be just teasing you, to make herself feel attractive, powerful, etc. Red flag! Red flag!

 

If you really do love your gf, talk with her about this NOW. I would not be surprised if "Ambrosia" talks to your gf behind your back.

 

You are choosing to flirt with this woman. Remember, choices have consequences.

 

If you are doubting your commitment to your gf, talk to your gf. Sometimes people are more easily "tempted" when they want out of a relationship.

[njguy20]

Honestly,

 

I would tell Ambrosia straight out how you feel. Tell her you are attracted to her, BUT, and emphasize the BUT, you love your gf and dont want to ruin your relationship. Compliment her in some way and tell her you cant be involved with her. You also have to take responsability for yourself and make some real choices. You are letting her play with you like a pinoccio doll. Shes hot, you obviously contemplate F***ing her, (not making love), and its natural for you to feel flattered. But you have to remember what is important to you. Tell your gf about her immediately. Be as honest as possible, she may get upset, but constantly reassure her of the situation and that you love her. But take action with Ambrosia first and tell her to stop. If your gf loves you she will forgive you and understand that you made a mistake by letting this go on. Youve put yourself in a bad spot by waiting so long to take action about this. Its all on you where you go from here.