I just came out to a girl I used to date

[FoxLocke]

It was actually kind of funny.

 

We dated two years ago, and shortly after that we lost touch. Anyway, I saw her again today at registration(I work at a college). She looked alot different than when we used to go out. She had her hair cut very short, and wore baggy clothing...

 

We got into a conversation and I don't remember exactly how we got on the topic but she said that she was a lesbian.

I was sort of shocked, but I laughed. Then I told her I was gay...

 

Then she said, "No wonder we never had sex!"

 

Anyway, we got into this entire conversation about why we were dating...She said that she had considered herself bisexual at the time. And since she thought I was cute that there could be something(the whole, "Can gay people find the opposite sex attractive" thing).

I told her that I thought she could make me turn straight, which Is why I was trying to pursue a relationship.

 

It was really funny...But on a serious note a big step for me. She is the first person that I've revealed my sexual orientation to in person. I mean it helped since she's gay too...But still it was a step in the right direction.

Well, we are going on another psuedo date this weekend to the movies...And neither one of us expects anything...lol

[DN]

Good for you, now you know that it is a little easier than you thought, it may help you come out to other people who are closer to you. A sort of 'baby-steps' scenario.

[darkblue]

LOL - great stuff.

Although, I don't know why you feel compelled to have to come out to people.

[RayKay]

Hehe, kind of funny, loved her response

 

I had a friend whom was in a similar boat, she thought she too was bisexual, and dated someone whom thought he was too...and eventually they both came out as they got older and realized they were gay.

 

I am glad you had such a positive experience, I know you were needing some of that! Little bits at a time, maybe talking to her will help you also feel stronger coming out to other loved ones in your life when you are ready.

[FoxLocke]

Although, I don't know why you feel compelled to have to come out to people.

 

Well, it was hilariously ironic. She told me she was a lesbian first...Then I said I was gay. We both just laughed about it.

Anyway, it really helped me because I am trying to work up to telling my mother. She was essentially just practice, in a way...Since we are good friends.

[darkblue]

How do you think your mother will react?

[FoxLocke]

She won't throw me a ticker tape parade or anything, that's for sure.

 

I'm really scared to tell her because she still thinks I'm straight...Or deluding herself into thinking it. I know she won't try and gay bash me or anything, but I have to work up the courage to tell her...eventually.

 

As it is now I am not going to stress myself out about it.

[KIDD]

That's so cool Foxlocke! It must feel great telling someone you know & used to date that you're gay lol! As for your mother, take all of the time you need. Don't feel you need to rush & tell her. When the timing is right, it will come along!

[RayKay]

She won't throw me a ticker tape parade or anything, that's for sure.

 

I'm really scared to tell her because she still thinks I'm straight...Or deluding herself into thinking it. I know she won't try and gay bash me or anything, but I have to work up the courage to tell her...eventually.

 

As it is now I am not going to stress myself out about it.

 

Well, she probably would "think" you were straight, but that does not mean she will reject you for not being so!

 

If it's a shock to her likely she may feel saddened, she may wonder if SHE did anything that "caused it", or she may wonder if she will ever have grandchildren, or feel bad you may have a "hard life", but she will love you, and in time realize most of her fears are unfounded. You can have all the things you want still and she did not "cause it".

 

I know my mother had a tough time when my brother came out, but she DID march with him in Pride parades, and accepted him, she is (well was, not sure if she is now that she is ill) on Pride committee, in PFLAG, and so forth. My brother recently moved to another province with his boyfriend and they are doing very well together, and want to have children (adopt or surrogacy). And his partner is part of the family.

 

Most of the initial shock is just due to being "new" to them, but those whom love you will love you regardless, and embrace you for whom you are.

[good_charlotte_freak2]

At least yah told someone. My friend is gay, and he's 17. He told his dad first cause his parents are divorced, his dad understood and is ok with it, but when he told his mom she was calm and a little nervous around him. She finally said she was ok wiht it, and it was HIS choice NOT hers.

[annie24]

Hey! I'm glad you had a good coming out experience!

 

My friend, a lesbian, dated this guy for 3 years but they never had sex. A while after they broke up, she came out to him, and he came out to her too! He was bi!

 

It's strange... maybe there is something that draws closeted/questioning people together....

[pianoguy]

That's really quite hilarious and cute. I'm so happy for you! See, it's not really that bad, is it now.

 

Maybe you two were so revolted by each other that you switched teams, as it were. ..

[UT]

Fox, although I'm not able to be here all too much anymore (a lot to do in school) I still hope you might at least remember the name UT. However, I'm Glad your first in-person-coming-out-experience was good. While I've been gone a lot has happened around here too and I can say that first time coming out is a huge relief. Although you might be a little nervous the night after coming out you will, overall, feel much better. When I first came out to someone it was an immense relief and a huge boost in confidence.

 

For every time you come out to someone it will get easier but I can't say that it will never get easy because you can never know how that person will react. Although I've come out to a few every time, no matter how sure I've been that they'd accept me, it has been very nervous and my hands have become ice-cold, my heart has started beating fast and hard and I've shaken like crazy. Okay, now I'm babbling too much about me.

 

I think it's great that you've managed to take the first step. The first step is always the hardest. it doesn't mean that it will get easy now. Well, it didn't for me. it got easier but never easy. I still haven't come out to my mother either. I kind of have the same worries as you. Well, congratulations on your first step. I'm so happy for you. I’d just like to give one piece of advice, think before you tell someone else. Even if you feel every good after this I thin it's important not to be too hasty. You're a smart guy I'm sure you won't do anything without thinking first but still, even the smartest of us makes mistakes.

 

I wish you the best of luck -- Undertaker

[Prufrock06]

Foxlocke,

 

Great story! And congratulations on being able to talk so openly and (my impression from your post) casually about your sexuality! Don't feel bad that you came out to someone who was homosexual herself -- a friend is a friend is a friend and now you have someone you can completely confide in. Sure, when you've come out to someone it feels a little awkward at first, but hopefully you'll find that awkwardness replaced by more genuine openness!

 

Nicely handled!

 

 

 

[UT]

Foxlocke,

 

Great story! And congratulations on being able to talk so openly and (my impression from your post) casually about your sexuality! Don't feel bad that you came out to someone who was homosexual herself -- a friend is a friend is a friend and now you have someone you can completely confide in. Sure, when you've come out to someone it feels a little awkward at first, but hopefully you'll find that awkwardness replaced by more genuine openness!

 

Nicely handled!

 

 

 

 

Actually, I think coming out to someone who is Homosexual is very good. When doing this you should feel safe. There is nothing wrong with coming out to someone who's homosexual. The first homosexual I came out to was great. We ended up talking for quite a while and before the night was over I had a bunch of links to places I could go and talk to people. Oh, babbling on about my boring life again, sorry.

 

Just, it's nothing wrong with coming out to someone who's homosexual. To say that would be discriminating. So I agree with Prufrock.

[KIDD]

I also wanted to mention Foxlocke. Having another gay friend who's close to you & near to you can help you feel comfortable in so many ways. It doesn't give you that alone feeling anymore & it encourages you to tell other people. It's basically like if not everyone accepts, at least I still have one good friend who will have my back no matter what.

[Prufrock06]

Hey,

 

Didn't mean to imply that coming out to another gay person isn't as good as coming out to someone who's straight. It's just that line in your post: " I mean it helped since she's gay too...But still it was a step in the right direction." sounded to me like you were maybe a little miffed that you couldn't come out to someone who wasn't gay? I dunno -- I'm back at school now so maybe I just have my English major, close-reading goggles on, in which case I'm sorry if I read too much into that sentence or put words in your mouth.

 

I agree that having another friend who's GLBT is probably even more of an asset than just an accepting straight friend because you can have a dialogue with them that I don't have with my straight friends -- who are very accepting of me but can't really identify with a lot of my fears and concerns. It's like being with someone from eNotAlone -- but in the flesh!

[FoxLocke]

If it's a shock to her likely she may feel saddened, she may wonder if SHE did anything that "caused it", or she may wonder if she will ever have grandchildren, or feel bad you may have a "hard life", but she will love you, and in time realize most of her fears are unfounded. You can have all the things you want still and she did not "cause it".

 

Yeah, that would be my mom's reaction in a nutshell. I know she will still love me, regardless(she told me as much a few days ago after we got into an argument about something) of anything...

But I know she will go through the whole "five stages of death" thing when it comes to my sexuality. She will mourn any grand children that she might have had(I don't see why...My brothers have 12 children and grand children between them...The majority are males. So it's not like the bloodline and family name have stopped. And I fully intend to try surrogacy when I find a guy who wants to have children as well), and mainly worry about my "lifestyle" in regards to our religion(which I've very much come to peace with)...

That is what I am afraid of moreso than anything. In a perfect world I would not have to be thinking about this, but such a world doesn't exist...

But thank you for the advice RayKay!

 

And thank all of you for responding! It was a very good experience.

 

When I told my dog I was gay it was because he wouldn't tell anyone else...Then I told my cousin in Canada, via e-mail, and he's gay as well...So he knows what I am going through.

But this was a big step because this is a person that I'll be seeing alot. And it does help to have a gay friend. And it is really great that she is a lesbian. So we can be completely plutonic.

[RayKay]

 

When I told my dog I was gay it was because he wouldn't tell anyone else...Then I told my cousin in Canada, via e-mail, and he's gay as well...So he knows what I am going through.

But this was a big step because this is a person that I'll be seeing alot. And it does help to have a gay friend. And it is really great that she is a lesbian. So we can be completely plutonic.

 

Hehe, haven't you ever seen the ads for Bush's Baked Beans?

 

Every step is progress. Take your time. Come out as you feel comfortable.

 

I agree, in a perfect world it would not even be an issue. For my brother, he came out to the immediate family only, everyone else just figured it out when his partner was invited to everything....even my grandmother clued in eventually, along with my usually redneck father whom invited my brother and his partner out to his place for Thanksgiving. Everyone was quite accepting, and it was a huge relief to my brother. Once he knew the people he loved (close family) accepted him, he felt so much more secure and unafraid of what others thought...and turned out they too were fine with it...people can surprise you.

 

Just do it as it feels right to you, no rush. I think as time passes you will be more comfortable with it, and more comfortable being whom you are regardless or what others thing. There will be a time you feel a NEED to tell your mom, or others, so just wait until then.

[UT]

Hey,

 

Didn't mean to imply that coming out to another gay person isn't as good as coming out to someone who's straight.

 

If this, in any way, was directed at me I want to apologize I never meant to imply that. I'm sorry

[Tigris]

Congratulations FoxLocke!

 

I told my Father I was a Lesbian recently and I expected him to 'freak out'. He said, 'It's your life and you do with it what you want!' I was so shocked I said, 'Thank you!' and walked away with tears in my eyes. I've never been so relieved in all my life!

 

I hope your Mother reacts in a similar way.

 

Good luck and take care.

[FoxLocke]

Yeah, I hope so.

I just worry about my mom. She keeps asking me if I see any girls on campus that I'm interested in...

And Yesterday, she has even tried to hook me up with our neighbor's daughter. Well not directly, but she wanted me to give our neighbor a ride to go and pick her up.

She keeps trying to fix me up with girls and it is becoming so awkward. I wish she would just STOP sometime.

[annie24]

*sigh* Parents are annoying. My mom keeps trying to fix me up with men even though I have a good boyfriend!!!

 

I guess when you feel the time is right, talk to her about it. My lesbian friend came out to her mom, and her mom was suprisingly cool and understanding about it!

[pizzachick13]

Hey, I know how you feel. The first time I came out to my dad he laughed, the second time he said it was a p0hase, and the third time he said that I was stupid... so I understand your fears. But mothers tend to be more supportive than fathers, or so I've found in my and many of my gay friends experiences.

 

Just do it when the timing's right. You'll know when it is

 

good luck

 

P.S. funny story, loved it

[DN]

. But mothers tend to be more supportive than fathers, or so I've found in my and many of my gay friends experiences.

 

 

It may have been true in your case but apparently not for others if you read the other posts on here. Nor was it true of at least two gay friends of mine, or another friend whose daughter is a lesbian. Speaking as a father I found that comment somewhat objectionable.