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Ive worked it out i think (This could be long) need some advice!

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Ok like i said this could be long and tbh i have no idea where to start!


Basically i met this girl while she had a bf, i met her through a friend of mine, i showed no initial intrest, because altho i thought she was good looking, there was no initial intrest.


Anyway got to know her a lil, every now and then i had quick chats with her and all was good!


I found out she broke up with her bf, who she at the time claimed she was in love with, she had lost her virginity to him and they had been out together for about 8 months i think! He broke with her through a letter - she was mightly pissed off about this, as anyone would be!


I got to know her a bit more after that, i cheered her up a few times after her bf broke up with her, and she told me "I know who to come to when i need cheering up" all was good!


Then after getting to know her better alot, intrest started to grow, and i felt it from her too, and i dont wanna ramble on so ill cut to it, after a few months, i believed there was big intrest between us! The only problem was all this was despite we had never met each other (i know i didnt mention this before, but all talking was online and texting etc)


We arranged to meet, but because it was a secret that me and her had been showing intrest (late night texting, dirty messages and nice ones too), we had to bring our mutual friend (the gal who introduced us) and another friend i knew who was also one of her friends along, i stayed the night at her place, in the spare room (parents decided that lol) with her and her friends in her room!


Before we met, she had told me a couple of things, she said to me "If you want anything to happen, the balls in your court, you know i like a man who takes control"


She also text me about a week before we met after getting drunk at a party one night saying something along the lines of "I wish you were here right now, really need someone right now, next weekend is gonna be fun"


She denied any knowledge of sending the message the next morning and blamed the drink, im a firm believer that true feelings come out when your drunk!


Anyway the weekend went well, all 4 of us had fun, it was great, i decided not to do anything between me and this girl, mainly because of a lack of alone time and also because her friends were around and i have to admit i bottled it, its now a thing i regret!


The alone time we spent was fun, we spent a bit of time in the back of a friends car, we flirted a lil, shared a few private jokes between ourselves and probably was an ideal time to kiss her, but i decided not too at the time, other times we were alone was when she showed me around parts of her house, she took me aside a few times to show me some things we had talked about!


After meeting her, i went home and after chatting to her a bit the subject of not kissing her came up she said "Not sounding big headed or anything, but im surprised you didnt" I just said well not enough alone time she said "yeah i guess"


then one night, about a week or so after meeting her, things went extra brilliant!


because of the secrecy involved and knowing that the girl who introduced us had feelings for me at one point, it was always gonna be hard to do anything about us, there were a couple of times we were saying "how would she feel if we got together" etc, and one night she even said this to me "Its like your hers, she found you first so your hers" so i said "if only you found me first" she replied "Yeh i know, but you dont always get what you want in life"


but one night all 3 of us were chatting on msn and the girl i liked had to go, she told me "i have something to tell you, ill text you later!"


in the time between then and when the girl text me, me and this other girl started talking and i dropped subtle hints that i liked her, basically in the end she knew i liked her and she didnt seem to mind, she even said she was gonna investigate about whether or not the other girl liked me back!


Then the girl texts me saying something like "blah blah blah, all i was gonna say was, (name of other girl) said if something was to happen between us she wouldnt mind"


I was feeling so great! but i felt for the other girl so the next couple of texts were about her more than us, i wanted to make sure she said it would be ok, i told the girl that she knew i liked her! I regret this too, i should of gone for it and said something like theres nothing stopping us now is there?


Anyway next night, i knew they had a fancy dress party they were going too, a friends birthday, disaster struck!


She met some guy there, i found out in the morning, i have to say i was gutted, but i still thought i had a chance, a few days later, i told her straight out "I have a free house this weekend, u wanna come stay with me for a bit?"


she declined, said didnt have enough money and didnt feel comfterable coming to mine on her own (which i understood as we had only met once before remember), then she said "we had fun before, maybe we should just leave it at that?" i said that she wasnt just some girl i wanted to hook up with but i actually liked her (she knew i had never really liked a girl before, just hooked up with them) she said "i just dont wanna ruin a friendship with a relationship that wouldnt work coz of distance"


i asked if that was the only reason she said "no, its coz i dont want a serious relationship after the last, its coz of (name of the gal who introduced us) and coz this is a big year for me with all my exams coming up but distance is the main one"


I was gutted but i still remained friends with her, she after a week or so was bf and gf with this other guy, she never mentioned him to me, i got told by someone and tbh i had to mention to her that i knew to get her to talk about it, she said "Oh its nothing serious, so i dont talk about it, if i takled about it, it will become serious"


Shes dropped hints since then, shes with him just because of the sex!


Shes also admitted to me that we liked each other for who we were and not just because of the sexual sides of us!


This is what i think ive worked out


She sees me as someone as a serious relationship, but coz i just hook up with girls, she doesnt wanna take the risk and get her heart broke again like her last bf did, and because she wants to concentrate on her exams and everything she is using this guy for sex atm, coz its nothing serious, she doesnt have to put much work in to it!


She got with this guy in september! Ive told her i dont see her as just a friend and that i like her, she said she was shocked that i liked her but that i knew she had a bf so she doesnt know what i want! since then weve hardly had a proper chat, and she even commented on that by saying "I feel like your avioiding me, or have you just been a busy bee lately"


Then after that a few nights later (this weekend) i got drunk, i ended up just texting her saying "I have cracked it" Next morning i wake up to a text saying "Cracked what may i ask" I dont remember sending the message but despite knowing exactly what i meant i replied "Who knows, i dont even remember sending ya that message, i was way to drunk lol" She said "lol, well if you have any flash backs, let me know, im intrigued"


She just said to me on msn "Im looking forward to those flash backs"


This is the end really, i dunno what my question is, i know this is long, if you have read till the end then thanks and if u can give me some advice or wateva then that would be great!


I want her bad, i just think im gonna have to wait another 5/6 months or so to get her, and make her realise how amazing we would be together, because atm shes getting all the sex she wants, when she wants from this other guy, and shes also able to concentrate on her exams!


She hates her ex bf, but i think shes not actually truly over him! Another point is since we agreed me and her wouldnt work, i think shes got alot cleverer, before that, i knew she knew how to work a guys mind, but i thought most things were innocent and naive, and thats a main thing i got attracted to, but now i think shes alot more cleverer, i really get the impression shes fully in control of her relationship atm and she thinks she can get control over me, i dont know why and i have no exact evidence, just a feeling ive got!


anyway yeh ill stop! ta for any help!

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whoa buddy that was complicated there. My advice:sense you both drink and have fooled around w\ other people, wait until she is done with exams and make your move. Be decisive though girls don't usualy go for the "hard to get" guy, they wanna know what your thinking and if you like them or not. So if ya do just tell her, after the exams. That is the best I can come up with. Start telling her that you like her and kind of build up to it, so it doesn't hit her as a surprise when you do finally tell her.


Start hitting on her basically, just don't lay it on to strong, but let her know you want her. And if she just flat out asks, just tell her how ya feel.


well...hope I helped, that was a long read.

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Maybe she's doesnt want to get between you and the friend that introduced you or maybe she's just not ready for what you're offering right now. Its also possible that she truly values your friendship and fears that a relationship with you might end in disaster. But like Gunther said hit on her "mildly" after her exams, however from what I read there may be some other reason she's not telling you. It truly is a complicated situation and should be treated with absolute care as to prevent an emotional cave-in.


All the best PeteCrouch

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  • 1 month later...

I think she was wating for you to make your move when she met this guy. I have encountered them before. I like to call them "testicles with legs" (from the movie anger management). They come between many would be relationships. Basically I would say wait it out, otherwise you could end up with an odd love triangle. After she is over him, which she will be, then make your move. Be strong and obvious when you do tell her what you want and how you feel. It seems like she is really into you, just this other guy is in the way for the time being, but I think yu can overcome it.


Good Luck.

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