Accepting Its Over

[lewisbn11]

2 and a bit weeks on now from the final contact from her. 10 months we went out and had the best times. We are both 20. It seems strange because i have been away and got dumped the day i got back effectively we have not been doing boyfriend and girlfriend things for 2 months. I see it as 2 weeks ago the break up. She told me she still loved me and thinks she might be making the worst choice of her life. THen she met me out the next weekand was all over me and slept with me only for the same result next morning "i need to be on my own".

 

Does anyone ever feel like they get confident and can deal with it then the next day feel so low and can't stop thinking about them/what there doing/who with etc.

 

Im so fed up with Being up and down (mostly majorly down) I feel like i can't continue. I don't know what to do each day. Worst of all im going away for another month at the end of this month (purly to try and get over her) but i feel like ive closed the door forever if i do this.

 

I know in my heart i could not handle hearing or seeing her with somone else.

 

At what point do people accept there not coming back. Im nearly there but im still hoping. She is amazing and so beautiful she can get anyone she chooses.

[ElektraHere]

Hi There,

 

I think your quote says it all my friend "Eventually in Time Everything is OK Again." It's easier said then done but be strong and know that you need to live your life the way in which you will be the most happiest. It seems like she needs time to herself too. I would suggest you go away like you had planned it will help you gain some perspective on the whole thing.

 

Yes we have all experienced the ups and downs of getting over a relationship. The downs seem to be pretty prevalent at first but then like your quote says everything settles down again and is ok.

 

Good Luck to you!

[arwen]

Hi Lewis,

 

I think you are scared to have closure on this. Which is completely understandable. On the rational side, it's very very good for you to go away for a month. You feel like you will 'have to' give up then. And probably, yes, you will find closure then. But this also means you will have to let go, which your heart is still not willing to do. It's all part of the process, really.

 

You are going to be ok. Don't contact her, and try to focus on the coming month. I know how awful the ups and downs can be. Soon, the edge will be taken off your feelings. They will be less intense. The down-moments will become fewer and shorter. Just come here to vent, we're all here to help others out in these times!

 

Ilse

[lewisbn11]

thanks for your comments. I find it easy to self blame for the relationship and now she has her own life she must like it. I spent 6 weeks thinking about her and realized i was so much more in love with her then i showed. I guess I'll never get the chance.

 

Lewis

[healinginnyc81]

Hey lewis, it's been 5 weeks for me and I can tell you I still have thoughts of what is she doing? is she thinking about me? It wasn't until a month after the breakup that I learned that she had another guy. It was devastating to me but it's been a week and I think it's actually better that I've seen this because it makes me a little more ready to accept that it's over.

 

Still, I feel a little better about myself and I am starting to have a little more hope of being happy without her. Don't feel bad about feeling bad. This is one of the toughest experiences in life and yet there's some kind of stigma attached to being depressed about being dumped.

 

I still have days (like yesterday) when I feel so helpless and hopeless but those days are a little more spread out now. I hope that helps you believe that it will get better and just take the bad days and use them to appreciate the depth of emotion that you possess. I'm learning to live in the moment and trying to appreciate whatever I'm feeling and experiencing.

 

Keep moving forward, you will be better and stronger because of this.

[deejay74]

THen she met me out the next weekand was all over me and slept with me only for the same result next morning "i need to be on my own".

 

hey lewis, let me ask you something. did sleeping with her make things worse for you? i ask this because i keep thinking about making love to my ex one last time. i know your ex was contacting you but mine hasn't except on New Years Day but i think she did that because of the guilt she had for breaking up with me the day before New Year's Eve. i keep wanting/wishing she would just send me an email, text me, or something just to let me know she's still thinking about me. I've even seen her logged on the AIM and Friendster when i was but she never sent me any messages, and i didn't send her any either.

 

were you happy your ex got in touch with you or did it screw up your head even more? please let me know because i so want her to.

 

i still cannot understand how it went from spending time together every weekend, staying at her house every tuesday, and talking on the phone several times a day to her dropping me so she can focus on her school and goals. she also said she doesn't want a relationship with me or anyone right now and that hurts. i keep thinking "was it THAT bad to be in a relationship with me" or "did she not like me THAT much"? it's not like i ever cheated on her and granted i wasn't perfect but damn, throw me a bone or something!

[lewisbn11]

My ex never contacted me. When i was away she rang a lot and i wrote her so many letters. I was supposed to come back January the 14th but i changed the flight to surprise her and be here for christmas. i got back the 22nd. a week before this she called and said she has kissed som1 else etc. I won't go into detail how hard that week was in egypt but ive never and hopefuly never will experience something like it.

 

basically she didn't turn up at the airport. That killed me. We were so close. She cried her eyes out when i left just 6 weeks ago. Then next day i get a text saying "I'll let you know after christmas what i want"

 

That was just a joke to me so i rang her and asked why she hasn't wanted to see me. She said she was busy etc and almost sounded mad at me but i managed to plan to see her the next day (christmas eve)

 

Now when i went to see her she was all over me and i think it showed she did still care and had maybe forgotten. She ended it and the next day christmas day we went for a walk (i contacted her for this) Now she stood by her word and basically i said i can't be friends i love you too much. One thing i wish i didn't do was tell her i couldn't talk to her or hear from her because it would be to hard for me. I wish i didn't say this. I think NC works better if somone doesn't know.

Anyway when i saw her out she came over and said hi then later on in another club I WENT TO TALK TO HER. Thats me going to talk over and ask her to dance not her coming to me. One thing led to another etc.

 

I heard from her once on msn after that night so really she has not contacted me at all. I want to hate her so much but she is actually being so good about not calling me etc.

 

Sleeping with her made it so hard. I had almost put it out my mind after 6 weeks away from her. All that doing it again did was remind me what someone else will get. That hurts beyond words.

 

 

Hope this helps. Lewis

[Wimpy]

Hey Lewis

 

It's still early days for you. It's been 9 months for me and although I'm a shed load better than I was, I still get down at times - they can totally hit me out of the blue - some memory or something.

 

It gets better but it's hard to erase someone from your mind - no matter how much you'd like to. The fact that ex's are able to do that says more about them than us.

 

Where are you off to on your trip for a month - anywhere exciting?

 

Look after yourself - it does get better.

[lewisbn11]

Im off to Tarifa south spain to train for a month. Im a pro kitesurfer and i go away a lot. this was one of the reasons why i think she left. I wasn't away long (apart from egypt) but every now and then i would go for 4 days. Hopefuly it will help with the healing. Im going with a mate who has never been in love. Don't you just hate the way some people want to "get laid" "get shagged" etc. really not the first thing on my mind now!

[lefthanginagain]

Im 47 and its the same thing. TIME One day the bricks fall off your shoulders. Sometimes a week others take years. Hang in there! In time it shall pass.

[Wimpy]

Im off to Tarifa south spain to train for a month. Im a pro kitesurfer and i go away a lot.

 

Sounds great - oh to be getting away from the dark mornings and miserable days at the moment!

 

It'll be hard but it's probably the best thing you can do - throw yourself into something you love and focus on that.

 

And remember, you're still really young so the next girl you take up with you'll be so much wiser and able to cope.

 

Keep going - it's still very early days for you - but you will get there.

 

Hasta luego