How much of this is my fault? What now?

[MyEyesHurt]

Hi, I'm in a weird situation here I don't know if it's my fault or not but it sure feels like it.

There's this girl. I've known her for almost four years, she's probably the closest person to me. In September of 2004 we started going out and on New Years that year I got very, very drunk and we had a huge fight (which I blacked out completely) and broke up. After a month of no contact we started talking again and soon we were very close again. We dated on and off. I got sick of on-again off-again this summer and tried to start something serious but she couldn't trust me after the way our last serious attempt ended (My fault). I backed off and we stayed friend. Then around Christmas of this year we got together, she stayed over with my family, we got each other great gifts it was just really great altogether. I had to work on Christmas Eve and right before I left she kissed me. I didn't see her for two days, when she called we got to talking and decided to give a serious relationship another try, and this was a bit of a surprise to me, I'd given up hope.

 

About a week ago she found out I had sex with one of her friend. (Now before you crucify me, this happened in the fall after she couldn't trust me when we were doing our own things and barley talking. She introduced me to this friend of hers at a party in the summer and at the time they were just acquaintances. They didn't become friends until after we hooked up.) I called my girlfriend and asked her if she wanted to come over she asked if she could bring a friend and I said sure. To my surprise it was that friend. We just hung out and everyone got a bit drunk at which point the friend suggested a threesome and my girlfriend freaked out, we all laughed and keeps drinking. I had to call in work and when I came back I found my girlfriend crying. Apparently the friend had told her what had happened between us that one time. She kept crying and asked me to leave (my house) I went for a walk and when I came back she was acting like nothing happened. Now she doesn't want to talk about it, she's incredibly distant, in fact I haven't seen her since in person (we both have hectic schedules). I know she's upset about, even her brother called me and asked what had happened but she says "nothing". I know she's very upset but I don't know what to do. I need an outside opinion. How much of this is my fault, what should I do now?

[LostInMyThoughts]

You had sex with a friend of a friend. Your girlfriendwasn't your girlfriend at the time was she? I don't see how any of this is your fault.

 

All you can do is to tell your girlfriend that you understand that she is upset, and hurt. You're sorry that she is hurt, but that you two weren't together at the time, and it's in the past.

 

Being her friend, makes it hard, but its still in the past.

 

If she can't accept it, I'd say it's not worth pursuing a relationship with her anymore.

[Bethany]

Just give her a little time to adjust. It must have been one hell of a shock and she probably felt foolish and hurt because she didn't know anything about what had happened between you and this new friend and there she was, sitting having a laugh with you both.

 

If you are to blame at all, it's because you should have been the one to tell her, not because you slept with someone else whilst you were apart.. and I think this probably hurt her more than sex thing.

 

Like I said, give her some time to adjust. People need time to think things over and to see things from the other point of view. Good Luck.

[ravenfox]

something to keep in mind..her reaction was severe because she probabbly feels very emotionally involved in the relationship

 

doesnt seem like it but its better she actually get upset and scared enough to care than just 'whatever' about it because that means she takes you very seriously. i think the ballis in your court to make her believe she can trust you again...i wish i knew how and i would tell you!

[MyEyesHurt]

something to keep in mind..her reaction was severe because she probabbly feels very emotionally involved in the relationship

 

doesnt seem like it but its better she actually get upset and scared enough to care than just 'whatever' about it because that means she takes you very seriously. i think the ballis in your court to make her believe she can trust you again...i wish i knew how and i would tell you!

 

That's the thing, she is like "whatever" but I know she doesn't mean it. I know her well enough to know when something's wrong. She even said something like "It's a good thing i'm so great at lieing to myself otherwise i'd be really mad."