the best friend situation...

[guitar_grl]

I recently learned from my best friend that she has a huge crush on me. For about a year now.

The thing is, is that I used to be crazy about her and then I forced myself to believe she was straight so eventually got over it, cause I was too much of a chicksh*t to ever say anything.

So now she says that she likes me and she can't stop it.

I'm not sure of what i want anymore with this, cause it took me so long to get over the idea. My biggest thing is hurting her, cause that's the last thing I want to happen. I really don't want to take the chance in ruining the friendship.

I get an uneasy feeling about it, cause it's really hard and complicated. Nothing should be THIS hard...

I don't really see her and I together...but I want to be the one who she wants. Whenever she's flirting with me a lot I can olny think of kissing her...

I'm so confused with what I should do...

anyone's imput is greatly apreciated..

 

Thank you.

 

guitar_grl

[ksdreger69]

Geez, just kiss her and see what happens. It's a good way to see if she's serious and if your feelings are genuine.

[James005]

Hey, sounds like you have quite the situation on your hands. You liked her, forced yourself to bring those emotions to a halt and now the tables have turned. I think you should tell your friend what you have told us on your letter above. Tell her your previous feelings and tell her that your greatest fear is of hurting her. I have been in this situation a few times. Each situation is not easy. I find I'll meet someone, and think its all about sex and once I get to know them sex takes a back seat and friendship is the key issue.

It sounds like you and your friend have a great friendship, if you didn't I don't think you would be so concerned but like a true friend, you are.

Perhaps you should copy your post from today and look at key statements in it and bring those to your friend. I have found that what makes friendships stronger is the ability to be open and honest with each other. I really hope this helps and if you have anyother questions I would be more than happy to talk to you you can post something or send me a personal reply, which ever you are more comfortable with.

 

Take care

 

James

[Jinx]

My first question is, when you say you fear hurting her, what thought is it that drives this? I think this is one of the root problems, your fear of ruining a relationship and friendship. Maybe identifying and clarifying this fear would help a deal.

 

Secondly, you made a statement about you don't see you and her together but yet you still want her to like you. Why? Is it because you're afraid of hurting her or feel as though you two are not compatible in a relationship sense?

 

I'm curious about this, answers to those questions would greatly help my advice because this situation isn't one where you can give a general Get the girl message. I see a deal of hesistation and possible problems but vague, and you haven't stated the reasons for these feelings or fears.

[guitar_grl]

ksdreger69...trust me I've thought about it..=/

 

JAmes005...the thing is that everything that I have already said, I've already told her all of that and how things were and how they are now adn what not...I tried to talk with her face to face yesterday in my car and once we got to her house she just got out and walked away...

 

Jinx...I don't know what drives the thought of "hurting" her. I just have a feeling that if someone's going to get hurt it'll be her. Whenever I've shared feelings with friends or what ever, I end up loseing my friends. I've gotten rather distant with three of my friends because of it over the past two years...I don't want to lose this friendship if that's what's going to end up happening.

I honestly don't see an actual serious relationship happening here...but at the same time I want to be there for her...if that makes sense. I go crazy when I'm with her with wanting to kiss her...wanting to just hold her if that's all I can do...hell even make her just smile. I just don't see a relationship...and maybe I don't want one with her cause we already have a friendship..and want to keep it at that. i don't know.

 

I guess in a sense by talking to people on here I was hoping that I could clear up what was in my head as well...cause I really don't know what to do.

 

I don't have much more time, but if i didn't answer anything that would help...point it out and I'll answer when i get off work.

 

I really apreciate you all trying to help me out here.

 

Thank you.

[UT]

Okay, to me it seems like you want to have a friendship with "benefits" so to speak. Maybe you should try and ask yourself "What do you really want from here?" "Is it worth the risk?" Think long and hard about the risks. If you go for it, maybe not start with a relationship, but you go along with the flirts and see where it takes you. Right now it seems like not being with her is more tormenting than any possible heartbreak. I know what it's like being in love and not being able to be with that person and I know what a torture it is. In fact I think everyone around here knows that.

 

What would happen if you did get together? Well, you could show her all that affection you've felt for so long. You will have the girl that you've been longing for for so long. Then, what if it doesn't work out? Well then maybe it wasn't meant to be. Then you weren't meant to be together, but at least you tried, you gave it a chance, you just didn't give up before even trying. I think you should go with it and see what happens.

 

We all have the fear of hurting the one's we love. I know I will hurt my family in a way when I come out to them or when they find out and I know at least one more who is more than certainly going to hurt her parents when or if they ever find out. By getting together with her you're not hurting but in a way fulfilling dreams and hopes. Your year long hope of getting together with her and her hopes of you wanting her too. She took the first step. The step you never did take. Now the tables are turned. She told you she has a crush on you. Now you're the one in position of either fulfilling dreams or breaking hearts. Either you get together and risk breaking her heart or you reject her and break her heart now. No matter what you choose the risk of breaking her heart is there the risk is only greater in one of the two choices.

[guitar_grl]

So tonight I went out night bowling with a bunch of close friends and my best friend was amung them.

The majority of the time we were flirting like crazy for the whole two hours straight.

So then when we all get ready to leave, it had snowed (it's rare) so we all went out and got all excited. I noticed she came at me with a snowball and threw it at my back. I chased after her and pushed her against a car and we had a moment. We even talked about it after we had gone home.

I don't know if some of you know what I'm talking about...but it was just like nothing mattered and all I wanted to do was kiss her right then and there and not have anything matter. But she ran and told me she regreted it and she hopped that I would have got her again...

 

and again because of this "moment" I'm still confused.

[pizzachick13]

I say go for it. As UT said, her heart might break either way, and seriously, what have you got to lose? I think if you two are such great friends now, then a relationship can only further your friendship.

 

Good luck