Invited out tonight, but should i risk a friendship by going?

[abcd1234]

Hi everyone,

 

If anyone has been following my past posts then you will probably find it easier to understand my situation. For those who havent i will briefly explain

 

I went out with a girl (lets call her Liz for claritys sake) for just over a month, we were very close friends beforehand for a few months. She broke up with me two days after Christmas because she felt that the 'flame' was missing and her feelings had changed because of this.

 

On new years eve I kissed a girl (lets call her Mary), but regretted it because I thought it was too soon after my breakup with Liz. Liz found out about this and got very mad and upset, because after she broke up with me I wrote to her saying that I would find it very hard to get over her and move on and that I still had strong feelings for her. She now thinks that what I wrote was absolute rubbish (I can see why she would think that, but the letter was truthful). Me and Liz have agreed to work on our friendship, we are going to a concert at the end of the week which should be fun.

 

I have been invited to go out tonight with the new years eve girl (Mary) but I am unsire if I should go...

 

I told Liz that the kiss with Mary was just a failed attempt to move on and that I have no feelings towards Mary more than friendship, I don't think she believed this because Liz thinks I have had a crush on Mary since before we (me and Liz) were going out.

 

I feel that if I go and hang out with Mary tonight (as friends), then it would be jeopardising my friendship with Liz, which I do not want to do and it would confirm (in her mind) that I have feelings for Mary and that the kiss on new years actually DID mean something. I also think that my other friends would start to believe that i have feelings for Mary (more than friendship) and i feel that i would be letting them down in some way, even though they encouraged me that my drunken decision to kiss her on new years was the right one (i think that some of them were just going with the crowd on that one though).

 

My question is, what should I do? Do I go and hang out with Mary as friends and jeopardise my friendship with Liz? or do I cancel on Mary and look forward to a boring weekend?

 

Thanks, abc

[annie24]

I think you should go out with mary and try to have a nice time. Liz is the one that said she was missing the "flame" so it's hurt loss for letting you go. Don't mope around all weekend. I do think seeing mary is the right thing to do. Maybe Liz will realize what a butthead she's been and ask for you back. It often happens when someone sees the other person moving on, they want their ex back....

 

good luck

[abcd1234]

I also think that, i just dont want my friends or anyody else to think badly of me becuase if we do hang out tonight then it will just be as friends, and right now thats all i want it to be. I just feel that others will misinterpret it becuase of what happened on new years eve. I also dont want to risk my friendship with Liz, but i guess that risk is unaviodable if i ever want to move on or make new female friends.

[annie24]

well, I think you should stop telling your mutual friends all the details of who you hang out with... it's not really their business if you're going out with her as a friend or as more. Just go, have a good time. Let liz wonder about what you're doing. I think if anything, that will help you.

 

Trust me, if you were sitting around, worried about liz's feelings, she would just take you for granted, knowing you were right there. If anything, she needs to be worried about YOUR feelings!!! She broke up with you, remember?

[survivorFQ]

I am actually in a similar situation...but I am the "friend" who was kissed. Although I am not sure if the guy who kissed me is still pining over his ex, I do think that he might regret the night we shared on NYE. All I can say is still hang out with your friend Mary...but make it clear to her that it is just as friends and nothing more. Like the others have said, your ex is the one that broke things off, and you can't not go out and have a good time just because you are afraid she will hurt your feelings...obviously she hurt yours when she broke it off right before x-mas.

 

Have fun...life is too short to worry about what everyone else might think.

 

-survivorFQ

[abcd1234]

It turns out that i cant go tonight, as much as i would like to, i have no way of getting there or back! I just text Mary to apologize and to say that i would love to hang out with her next time her and her friends go out. She hasn't text me back and i dont know if she will, but if i get invited next time then i will definitely go!

[Jut]

Wrong decision my friend. Wait for a few days and you will realize that Liz would dump you harder this time. I hope im wrong but im also amazed why you are deliberately trying so hard to hurt yourself.

Liz is doing all this to overcome jealousy. If she had feelings for you why would she break up saying the Flame is gone. She wasnt your friend earlier and wont be a good one now. Had she been a good "friend " she would have allowed you to move on and be fine with that.

[arwen]

Abcd,

 

I honestly think you should try to break free from whatever Liz claims you for. SHE broke up with YOU, not the other way around. So even if Mary is not the one for you, Liz herself said she wasn't the one for you either, so why is that HER problem?

 

Take care and enjoy the weekend,

 

ilse