survivorFQ

Coming from a girl who was anorexic...you don't get anorexia by just not eating...there is a whole mind set that goes along with it, dealing with not just body image, but a lot of times just control, and there is typically some type of underlying depression that accompanies it. Now as for gain the weight back really fast. It just depends on how long you go without eating. I was anorexic for approx. 5 years, and I gained the weight back slowly because I reintroduced eating a lot more slowly too...which gave my metabolism time to wake up. If however, you just start eating tons after a period of starvation, your metabolism has slowed down, and your body will tend to grab on to all the nutrients it has been lacking, and will tend to gain weight rather quickly. However, keep in mind that a person who is anorexic is also dehydrated so a rapid gain within 1-2 days will just be water weight which really can be as much as 5-8lbs. Hope this answers your question...and take it from a girl who knows...don't go starving yourself...it is really not worth it.

A little background...I came to this site 2yrs ago...after finding out that although my ex had been in and out of my life for 3-4yrs while I dealt with personal issues...always saying he loved me...wanting to be with me etc., that he admited to having a girlfriend for that 4yrs...which hurt since he even talked about what our wedding song would be etc. So after I learned this I was hurt...tried to go NC...which was easier since I was in FL and he was in MA...but he kept popping back into my life...wanting to see me when i came home on breaks etc. Always saying he loved me. At the time I was too weak to stick to NC, and I would get sucked in by his charm and loving nature, only to be reminded he had a girlfriend that he love too. Well, nothing really physical ever happened between us, until I moved back to MA, permanently...he called me 3 times asking to see me, and finally I called him back. We spent the beginning of the night just hangin' out like always...throwing the frisbie, joking around. Then he brought me to the beach, and as we sat on the blanket he pulled me down to lay next to him...and as he did this he kissed me. It had been so long...years since we had kissed...but to me it was bitter sweet since I assumed he had a girlfriend still...even though he never mentioned her. Well, we got pretty involved on the beach...no sex...but clothes were off...and then I stopped things and said I think I need to go home now. So when he dropped me off, he hugged me...then he said something that still bugs me...he said...well for now, let's just act like nothing has happened and when we see eachother again we can't let this happen again. He said he really does love me and he wished this did not have to be so complicated...but you know the situation...and I love her to(it was then I knew he still had his GF & had not left her and that is why he had called) & then he made me promise to call or e-mail him to tell him I was ok. Well this was 2wks ago. I text him once, and then gave him a call and left a message on his voicemail...and I have heard nothing from him... So yeah...once I again i got suckered in...my hopes were up...and then he leaves me to dwell over things when he probably just goes back to his GF like nothing happened. I mean...I felt guilty knowing I did something with him when he has a GF...I never wanted to be the other girl...I got cheated on before...2 times...and it sucks. So...it has been a long time coming...and I have dreaded sending this letter to my ex...but after seeing what I had become...the other girl just waiting for him to break up with his GF... I had to do it. I thought it would really hurt...but after sending it I somehow feel some relief. No longer do I keep looking at my phone just hoping he may call...since I told him not to. Although I will never forget him...I think doing this was the only way I could get over him. Here is what I sent him...(sorry it is kind of long) Hi XXXX, I just need to say a few things...probably stuff that is on your mind...but you probably don't feel like saying it to me...or are trying to figure out how to say to me. So I thought I would open the line of communication first. First of all...I love you a lot...more than I thought I could possibly love and care about anyone...which makes all of this even harder to say. I really think that we should not see or talk to eachother anymore. As much as I tried to "just be friends with you"...obviously it did not work out so well. I mean...every time I was with you, or talked to you...despite the fact I knew you had a girlfriend...I always seemed to hold out hope that you would realize you loved me the way I do you...realize that you wanted to spend your life with me...that no one else made you feel like I did when we were together...that you could not stop thinking about me and us when we were apart...that we would somehow have a happy ending to our long story that we could share for years to come... unfortunately I have come to realize happy endings are more likely to occur in the movies than in real life. So what I am trying to say is that I can't keep doing this...beause I can't get past how much I love you and want to be with you...despite the fact you love and are with someone else. I honestly am not sure how you can do this either. I mean...I feel guilty about the time we spend together...cause all I think is that if I were your girlfriend I would like to know what and who you have been seeing. I mean, all I can do is think back to school when you saw XXXXX that summer... and did not tell me until after...I know that is a bad example and this is different...but I do remember how much it hurt when I found out...but I think it would have hurt even more knowing that you kept it from me completely. XXXX, I just can't be the "other girl" anymore. I don't deserve that, and neither does your girlfriend. We both deserve someone who we can completely trust and that is honest with us, and that is devoted and loves only us. You have to know holding on to what we have...is not fair to anyone...a decision has to be made... So I really need to let you go. As much as I would like to continue to be friends with you...I just can't see how I could do it. I mean...some day you will get married and have kids etc., and as much as I will want to be happy for you...I think...no I know... it will kill me inside to see it happen, and I would be wishing I was the girl you had decided to marry. I mean it is hard enough knowing you have a girlfriend... Hun...can you really say that you want to be a part of my life when I get married...and watch me have children & spend my life with someone else? As much as both of us has said we just want eachother to be happy...I think that it would really hurt both of us to watch eachother completely move on. Besides as long as I hold on to the past and what we had, I will have no room, time or attention to notice and welcome new things into my life. Hun, know this is absolutely the hardest letter I have had to write and I can no longer hold back my tears while I write this. After our last night together...I really did have hope...that you may really still love me and want to be with me...but the silence over the following days has made it clear that once again I opened myself up...and set myself up for disappointment. Maybe I am wrong...maybe you are taking this time for yourself...trying to figure things out...and if that is the case...I apologize...but I can't help thinking that you are just living your every day life with your girlfriend like nothing even happened. I don't know how you do it...say you love me...but easily go back to your girlfriend who you say you love and act like nothing has changed between you...or perhaps you are just better at keeping your feelings hidden than I am. Goodluck XXXX, I hope you get out of your relationship everything you want and need. Just make sure you continue to be honest with her...I think that is so important...in any relationship whether it be between lovers or friends...and now with me no longer interferring in your relationship...I think you will start to be the honest, caring, and wonderful man that I fell in love with once upon a time...because I know that you do not want to continue to be a man that decieves others...that is not the kind of man you are, and you really need to take a good look at your life and actions and make some changes...as do I, since I have not been behaving appropriately either... I wish you all the best...and know that if you find yourself really needing a friend...that I would never turn my back on you if you were in need...but for now...with the situation like it is...I think it is best if we go our separate ways. The future will hold wonderful things for the both of us, this I am sure. So thank you XXXX for absolutely everything... I once told you that to be your friend was all I ever wanted...well to be your lover, was more than I ever dreamed. Thank you XXXX, for making so many of my dreams come true. Perhaps someday our paths will cross again and the timing will be better for us...but I can no longer hold on to that...and we will just have to see what is in store in the future. The ball is in your court now...if some day you realize that I may be the one you love and want to be with, and you are sure of it...please don't hesitate to contact me...but for my sake and yours make sure you know what you want. Love, XXX So I guess the moral of this post is...find the courage to let go of the past...because it will help you move on and leave you open to wonderful things in the future. I hope reading this can inspire just one person to move on from the past, as so many of the posts I have read have helped me.

Also...if you are a student at a University, I know our student health services would give exams and get you on the pill at a reduced cost if you had no insurance. So you may want to check them out as well.

Hi, I can definitely relate to your situation, it is not exactly the same, but there are a few similarities. I in fact had graduated college, and that is when I kind of hit a low. I mean, like you I commuted the last few years of college, so i had become distant to a lot of the friends I had made. Although I socialized at work...I never really went out afterwards, and really felt pretty lonely. It was not until a year later that I decided to go to grad school and make some pretty dramatic changes to my life. I decided to apply to schools far away from Maine, where I had lived for 25yrs, and ended up where I am right now, down in FL. Although I was nervous and a little unsure, considering I knew absolutely no one in FL, and all my family was in ME, I went into it with the attitude that I was going to change the minute I step foot in the state. It really is a freeing experience to go somewhere where noone knows you and start all over again. I have been in FL, for about 2 yrs now and have had wonderful moments and met great people down here, and I am sure you will do the same. A few words a wisdom from someone who has been there: - Go into the move with the attitude that you are going to change, and be out going. Changing location alone does not solve the lonliness problem, you have to put in the effort once you arrive. - definitely make friends with those you work with at least initially, to get to know the area and meet new people. - Find a couple of roommates to live with. I think that made all the difference in the world for me, since I moved into an apartment with 3 other 20-somethings. Use link removed , it has always worked great for me. Other than that, if you have any questions feel free to PM me. Good luck and just remember, if you put in the effort a move can be a great way to get back into the social scene. Take care and good luck!!

I am actually in a similar situation...but I am the "friend" who was kissed. Although I am not sure if the guy who kissed me is still pining over his ex, I do think that he might regret the night we shared on NYE. All I can say is still hang out with your friend Mary...but make it clear to her that it is just as friends and nothing more. Like the others have said, your ex is the one that broke things off, and you can't not go out and have a good time just because you are afraid she will hurt your feelings...obviously she hurt yours when she broke it off right before x-mas. Have fun...life is too short to worry about what everyone else might think. -survivorFQ

definitely try to drink some gatorade...I suffered from something similar in November and I began to cramp up in my legs because I was so dehydrated by the end. Water is good...but you need electrolytes as well, which you can get from the gatorade. Hope you feel better... - survivorFQ

You may not need to see a doctor after sex. But if you have not seen a gynocologist you should...since you are now sexually active, as well as you should get on some type of birth control yourself, so in case a condom ever does break...you have back up protection. I have known too many girls that leave protection all up to the guy and ended up regretting it. So take control of the situation and see your doctor about getting some protection of your own.

Thank you for your response...and I know you are right. I honestly don't want to make him choose...I feel like I know the decision I need to make, and that will regain me some power in this whole situation, in the end. I have been thinking about all this since Fri. (when I saw him last) and realize that at this point I feel he needs to see what may or may not develop with this girl...otherwise he may always wonder and regret if he just came back to me. Secondly, I am starting to wonder what kind of guy he is, considering he is sneaking around behind his gf back, even though it is supposedly just with someone who is his "friend". What guarentee do I have that he won't do this to me? Although I love him dearly for all he has done for me, the support he has given me etc., I know I could never be with someone who did that to me. It is strange, he makes it so clear in one breath how he has moved on, and is in love with his gf, and in the next is professing his love for me, how happy he was, how I brought out the best in him, how I was the only one he could feel comfortable to cry with, how I was the only one that has ever gotton him to do things he would never do...like dance. It seams so clear to me, that I am the girl...but I think the timing is just not right...and I am not sure it will ever be. I knowI need to tell him I need NC right now, while he is in this current situation with his gf. If down the road his situation changes then perhaps we can talk again, but for now it is way to painful for me, since as much as I try to deny it, everytime I hear from him, I hold out hope that he is still in love with me AND wants to be with me. Everyone says that I am a smart, funny, athletic, outgoing, attractive girl and have so much to offer someone and I need to give others a chance (ironically my ex told me the same thing too...see what I mean about confusing). I only hope I am strong enough to tell him that I need NC so I can give myself the chance and space from him that I need. Thanks again for listening...

So here is my story... I met my ex in 1997 and we became boyfriend and girlfriend about 6mo later. I was a Freshman in college and he was a Sophmore. Life was pretty good, we had our little fights, but were always able to work through it. We truly were in love and spent most of our time together, met eachothers families etc. In 1999, I my grandmother died (who was like my mom) and 2wks later I blew out my knee while pole vaulting at a track meet. My boyfriend was wonderful, supportive, was there for me etc., but I slowly started to get depressed, and basically stopped eating. Everything escalated out of my control, but he did stand by me as long as he could...unfortunately I was so blinded by what I was going through, I ended up pushing all my friends and family away. Needless to say we eventually "broke up" in 2000, but he was still there for me and supported me when I began reaching out for help. He always kept telling me how much he loved me and how much seeing me go through what I was going through, made him realize that I was his one true love. Knowing that I needed to get myself better before I could have a relationship, I spent a long time making me better, still remaining in contact with my ex, but never able to commit. Long story short, it took years to pull myself out of the eating disorder that had developed, and it was not until a year ago, when I left new england, and went to FL for grad school did I feel like I was completely recovered, whole, and had something to offer someone. The first semester of school, my ex kept sending me e-mails about how he was in love with me, and how he always hoped that I would be the one he married. He also persisted that he wanted to see me on x-mas break. I knew it would be hard, since I had always loved him through out my illness, especially since I had 1.5yrs of school to go (He lives in MA). But I saw him and we talked for hours, it was wonderful he held my hand, told me how he had never loved another like me. We discussed his past relationships that he had had, and he said none compared to me. With him revealing his feelings, I decided to express how much I still loved him, missed him, and how I always hoped that we would find our way back together. It was such a wonderful visit... But 3 days later, when I went back to FL, he e-mailed me revealing that he had been in turmoil since he saw me, how he stilled loved me and hated to tell me, but he was in a realtionship, which had been going on and off for 5yrs, and that he had fallen in love with her too. Yup, needless to say, it hurt...although I think it would have been less painful if he had just told me when we were together at x-mas it might not have hurt so much...since I had gotten my hopes up. But his excuse was...how could I tell the only woman I ever thought I would marry, that I had fallen in love with someone eles. So it has been hard, and he still e-mails me and calls me 3-4times a mo, and says we will always be special friends. I guess what is killing me, is I have seen him 2 since that day, when I come home for a few wks during break, and he is always saying he loves me more than I will ever know, and we always have fun together. The thing that is bothering me is, he basically sneaks around and lets no one know he is seeing me. The first time we saw eachother I did not realize this, but this past time...3 days agao where he invited me down to see him...2.5hrs away, where he offered me to spend the night, he made it clear that it was okay that I sleep over since he was not going to tell anyone about it. That evening went well, up until the point where I got teary eyed, and he asked why and I eventually told him that I was just sad about us, and the situation. He was nice, caring, we talked about a bunch...revealed that his girlfriend was going to be moving in with him. It felt good at least to know everything was on the table (although i am still mad I broke down and cried in front of him...although he was teary eyed himself so i don't feel so bad). By then it was 3am and I said I wanted to go to sleep, I was going to sleep on the pull out couch, so when i went to get in, he crawled in next to me and just laid there with me. Then at one point he rolled over and kissed me on the forehead and said I love you, my respones was I love you too, and then rolled over in the other direction away from him....I mean he has a GF!! Then he was like hey your not getting away that easy and he rolled me over and held me close to him. And ran his hands down my back to my butt, I swear holding him was all I have dreamt of...but it was bitter sweet since he has a GF moving in with him. He kissed me, joked about me having sex, or taking off my shirt... and I simply replied he wouldn't respect me, or himself if I did that. After awhile of just holding me...he said he should probably go to bed before he did something he would get in trouble for and I agreed. Needless to say, it was a confusing, guilt invoking visit for me. The next morning he had to go to work, we hugged, and then he said that he still wanted to me to call him, and that the next 3 wks he would be out of town, so it would be a good time to call, since I " would not have to worry about stepping on anyones toes"...yeah...well I said I would call the day I flew back to FL just to say i got there okay. So here is the problem...not that it is not already clear. I really love him, it kills me to think of him with a GF, I don't want to be the other girl that messes things up in his relationship because I do love him, but he has been a part of my life for so long, I don't want to not be in contact with him. We even said that we need to figure something out (this was before our cuddling in the bed) since he knew it would hurt his GF to find out he was still seeing me etc. He said he knew he should say we should just not see eachother anymore, and only talk on the phone...but he said the problem was is he wants to see me (and I him). But he says he does not want me holding out in hopes that we will get back together, he wants me to find someone else, since he can not tell me what the future will bring. Although he also says perhaps our paths will cross again, and that he loves me, is still in love with me, and would be with me if he was not with his gf. I know this is stupid...I know what I should do...NC...but he has been there for me at my best and worst times...and I feel as though I love him enough, that if he is happy then I need to repect his relationship. I did come to the conclusion I don't think we should see eachother anymore...since it feels wrong to me for him to be sneaking around. Guess I am not sure what to do...how to get through this. I have read this site for 2 days now, and I have gotten at least a sense of peace knowing I am not the only one. I just hope someone could give me some advice, either as to why my ex is acting this way, how I should handle things, or just some comfort. I know I have no rights to him...we have been "broken up for years now" but I guess the way he always professed his love for me, and saw me during that time...to me it did not feel like we were that far from a couple. Thanks for listening and sorry about the length...it is a saga that has gone on for awhile...feel free if you need any more info.