should i break up with him?

[soulsista29]

I've been going out with my bf for nearly 4 yrs now. I started going out with him when i started university and now I have finished.

I sometimes feel like I have wasted my uni yrs by not getting out much and being too attached to my boyfriend.

 

Right now my boyfriend is overseas, he will be back in the next few weeks. He has been overseas for 2 months and this is the first time we have been apart for so long. It was hard at first but Im coping. Also, I have a social life bc of my bf. When I go, I go out with him or with him and his friends. I rarely go out with my own friends bc we've lost contact.

 

I cant picture myself with him for the rest of my life. I cant imagine myself being married at all or maybe I just cant picture myself being married to him. Ive been feeling like this for the past yr or so.

 

My dad doesnt like him bc he thinks hes not good enough for me, education wise. I have graduated from uni and hes still in uni, unsure of what he wants and failing subjects. I sometimes think my dad is right. What should I do? I know that being smart isnt everything but I dont know.

 

I feel I should break up with him when he comes back, but I dont know what to do. I feel that if I continue to go out with him, I wont be able to back down. I mean we've been together for 4 yrs, thats a long time.

 

What should I do? Should I continue to go out with him and hope that my mind will change? Or should I break up with him? Any advice??

[Blue Skittles]

You said that you have been feeling this way for a year? I think that is a sign that you should break up with him. But i also think you should evaluate your feelings here, are you in love with him? Or just comfortable with him. If you are in love with him and do want to spend the rest of your life with him then work it out. I'm sure in time he will find his career path and work hard to get there. Don't let other people or family members influence yoru decision. And if your dad is anything like my dad, NO ONE is going to be good enough for his girl. But, like you said, you really don't see yourself marrying him, so I say why stick around and pretend, how many more years are you going to pretend for? 2, 3, ? I ended a 3 year relationship two years ago, and I feel sooooo good about it. It was hard to break that bond but I did it through a lot of NC and stuff and I feel better about where my life is headed now. I hate the feeling of being tied down to one person, but thats just me.

 

Anyways, if anything, I would definitely take a break and experience life being independent and stuff, maybe you are just missing the livelihood of hte single life. Let us know what happens ok

[RayKay]

If you have been feeling this way for a year, I would say it's time to let him go.....it's not fair to either of you to drag it out - you will only hurt both of you more by doing so.

 

But, just realize it is a break up, and make it final. No leading him on. Realize you may feel regret later, but it's not fair to give him false hope either. So make sure it's what YOU really want, not what your parents want. Education is not everything either....people find their path on their own way. I have my degree, but am going back to school years later to pursue a better path for me, with my boyfriends support and encouragement. My mother has a very high management position at a insurance firm, and has a lot of education, but my stepfather has always worked as a train mechanic in the train yard, nothing past high school, and they compliment each other brilliantly, and been together 20+ years now. Education is not always reflective of one's intelligence...I know many Ph.D's whom are clueless about most things, and many electricians whom can hold the greatest conversations, debates, and can outwit and outsmart many college graduates.

 

Also realize, that being "too attached" and by this I mean "too dependent" is something you can work on, that is something that can happen in any relationship, it's a sign you need to work on your own "core" and independence, which can be developed even with someone.

 

My guess it is the right thing to do, if you feel as you do, since nothing changes by hanging around waiting for your mind to change (especially after a year of feeling this way!) and it will only make you resent him more, and him feel more distanced from you. But also take some lessons from this...as in don't lose all your friends and revolve your entire social life around your boyfriend. That may be part of your unhappiness right there.

[Day_Walker]

Since you have been having this feeling for a year you really need to make a decision and stick to it whatever you choose.