Need feedback -- what do you think I should do???

[Mjane]

I need some advice on my silly situation. My background is I'm a bit skittish and hesitant to put myself out there because I've experienced quite a bit of rejection in the past year and I'm not sure if I'm ready to get more.

But I was at a party last night. There is a guy that came that I've been interested in, but I haven't gotten any obvious encouraging feelings from him.

Anyway, so I just hung out with others. During the eve, a woman came up to me and told me I should make a play for this guy because he's interested in me. I ask her why she thinks that and she says she just knows he is.

Anyway she and I have exchanged some emails today and she's emphasized he's a great guy, but kind of clueless and shy. This woman is adamant that I would have to ask him out.

She said he wouldn't know if a woman was coming on to him unless he was hit over the head.

I did see the guy today and in a conversation with a bunch of people I said that I liked a certain colour and would date any guy if he had a bike in that colour. Then he piped up that part of his bike was that colour.

Other than that comment, I haven't felt a lot of encouragement from him. But he is always friendly to me.

So... I'm scared to death because of my past experiences to do anything, but what do you guys think? is there enough there to ask him out? and how should I do it so that it appears like his idea? I believe that if a woman makes the first move then a guy automatically isn't going to be as interested in her... a little old fashioned maybe... but it's been my experience...

I also told her that she should let him know that if he were to ask me out, he would get a guaranteed yes... I kind of figured that was the best route to go... but who knows if she's ever going to have that conversation with him.

Any feedback is appreciated. I'm 36 and he's 35.

[Matt_889]

Well, that's a little old for me, and I might seem inexpierenced BUT I found that the best way to find out to find out of he wants to go out sometime is to play with their mind a litte. Get to know the way they think.

[patience]

is this woman a friend of his? if so, maybe she could have a dinner party, and invite you, him, and a few other people? could all of you go out for lunch even? perhaps having others around would be helpful, and less 'date like'

 

sounds like both he and you are very shy

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

i say let this woman tell HIM to ask you, instead you ask him..

[Tigris]

If I'd had to wait for a man to ask me out I'd still be 'on the shelf'!

 

I've asked the majority of my boyfriends, plus my 2 husbands out. It's true what the woman said men sometimes need hitting over the head before they realise!

 

My advice is go ahead and ask him out.

 

Good luck

[Mun]

You want to get him to ask you out instead of asking him out? Try telling him you are dying to go to some particular movie, concert, coffee house or club but your friends are not interested in going there then pout a bit and see if he bites. I'm kidding about the pouting

 

Just pause and see what he says. Hopefully he will be paying attention to you and jump at the change to take you somewhere you been dying to go. How easy is that for a shy guy?

 

Have fun !

[Mjane]

Thanks for the replies everyone!

I haven't decided what to do yet. But no, I am far from shy. But I am not an aggressive she-woman either. I would prefer it if this woman, who I have only met a couple of times, set something up. But heck, she has a life too.

Loved this comment:

If I'd had to wait for a man to ask me out I'd still be 'on the shelf'!

I guess I have to get more comfortable with the feeling that it's only one guy. So who cares if he says no, there is a universe full of men waiting to meet me!! I'll keep telling myself that all day and see how it goes.

Thanks again.

[darkblue]

Rejection should not be taken so personally.

If you never ask, you will never know.

[Mattie]

If you like the guy then just ask him out. Don't worry too much about what's "expected" because as other people have said, if you don't ask him out, there could be another girl that does.

 

I agree with what somebody else said in that you should hint to get him to ask you out. Nothing formal or anything, just drop hints about wanting to see a gig, film, etc and see how he reacts.