Question about orgasm, sex, etc...

[JazzyGirl]

Hi! I'm back. I posted awhile back (don't know if anyone remembers). Anyways, I have a guy friend that I've know about 3 years. About a month ago, I slept over his house and let him massage and finger me (it was the first time for me) (oh, I'm a virgin - no oral and no intercourse). What he did felt good, but I never had an orgasm. Anyways, I hung out with him last night, and things got hot and heavy again.

We were making out, and he was massaging and fingering me, and even rubbing his penis against me (both onto of and under my panties). All of that felt amazing, but I still couldn't cum. He wanted me to so badly, and I wanted to but I just couldn't. He told me that I needed to relax and trust him. He told me he wouldn't hurt me. All of these things I know already and I trust him more than anyone. I'm completely comfortable with him. His massaging and fingering, and penis all felt great, but I couldn't cum. While he was massaging my clit I just kept getting the feeling like he needed to stop because I just couldn't take it anymore. Of course, he kept on going (he wanted to send me over the edge), but I never went over the edge. I just kept feeling like... it's so hard to put into words... like it's an overload for my body or something. It felt good, but it was too much... does any of this make sense at all??? I do remember that my body was shaking, but that's as far as it went. It's frustrating for both me and I'm sure him too. Any tips on what I can do to relax more (though I really thought I was relaxed) or what I can do so that I'll orgasm?

 

My other question is, is it normal for a woman to get really, really wet. That's how I am, and I wasn't sure if that's normal.

Oh, I almost forgot, while he was fingering me and rubbing his penis on me, there were points where it hurt. Does that have to do with being a virgin? What can be done so it doesn't hurt? I know that I was definitely wet so that shouldn't be a problem, just not sure about what else could help.

 

Next question: he's the kind of guy that loves to give oral sex. Oral sex, for whatever reason (not sure why) kind of grosses me out. Is there some way to get over that? I know he wants to go down on me, and he tried to last night, but I stopped him because of how I feel about it. Also, if I did let him go down on me... how can I be comfortable kissing him after that?

 

Also, he and I have talked about having sex on New Year's Eve. It will be my first time. I'm nervous, but I want to because I want my first time to be with someone I love and care about. I love him very much. We aren't boyfriend/girlfriend, but we are close. Plus I trust him and I know he trusts and cares about me. I just want some advice... anything at all is helpful. I'm a bit nervous (as I know is normal since I've never done it).

 

Oh, one last thing, hopefully I don't sound totally stupid. Is it possible to get pregnant from the things we've done (his rubbing his penis against me directly - without my panties there)? I always thought you could only get pregnant through intercourse.

 

Thanks for reading this very long post!

 

JazzyGirl

[Beec]

It is possible to get pregnant anytime sperm can get into your vagina. If he is ahrd and excited, he will probably have fluid (precum) coming out of his penis. It is possible there is sperm there, and, yes, that means you could get pregnant.

 

As far as the rest of your questions, not sure I have answers. Can you orgams when by yourself? Do you? If so, I've found stopping the self servcie for a while can make the sex better. Otherwise, I think you trying to relax more would help.

 

Before you have sex, make sure both of you are on the same page. Quite often, once we have a woman, we no longer want her as much. Make sure he is emotionally attached to you.

[JazzyGirl]

Well I have never had any orgasm at all. I tried masturbation but I get that same sensation like it's too much and I have to stop. It's hard to explain... it's just like oh my gosh I can't take it anymore (but it's not a bad way)... I hope that's at least a little clear.

 

Also, how do you make sure that he's emotionally attached. I think he is, but I'm also not terribly experienced with men. I told him that I was afraid he'd stop talking to me if we had sex, and he said he wouldn't do that.

[ariyadhana]

If he's emotionally attached, is there a reason you aren't boyfriend and girlfriend?

 

Also I think you just need to keep experimenting with masturbation. The feeling like you can't take it anymore is normal, and means that you are near orgasm. When you get that feeling maybe try to keep touching yourself, but maybe more lightly or not directly on your pleasure points. It just takes time and practise.

[Beec]

I think you mostly need to know something about him, his character, and be able to read between the lines so to speak. It's one thing what he says, another how he says it and looks when he does say it.

[SexySadie7]

I don't usually like toys myself.. but have you tried a vibrator or something that would stimulate you that way. Sometimes it's easier to get off that way cuz you don't have to do the work, but experience the sensations.

I think what you are describing maybe would be called the Plateau stage, it is where you are really excited, but you have to go beyond that to have an orgasm.

I agree, you need to try to pleasure yourself maybe and then you can tell him exactly what it takes to pleasure you.

Course, for me, and i'm not sure this is universal with other girls. but the more a guy "pressures" you or expect you to come by a certain point in time, the less likely i am to do it.

If he just backs off, takes his time and lets you know he'll keep working on you til you come, somehow it makes me relax and come that much sooner.

I guess you might call that a female performance anxiety thing.

I would be careful though.. if he's rubbing his penis on your private area, especially near the vagina, there's a change you cud get pregnant.. There are little spermicide things you can insert into your vagina to help prevent pregnancy.

I'd hate to see you get pregnant without even having intercourse.

Well.. good luck. have fun.. be safe and just relax.. A drink may not hurt you to relax some, but that's up to you.

[JazzyGirl]

Well, we're not boyfriend/girlfriend I guess because it doesn't seem to work out for us to head that way right now. I know that sounds lame. I told him I wanted to be with him, but I know he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. He and I are both musicians and he wants this time to focus on working on his music career. It's disappointing for me, but I also understand it. Having a music career is vastly important to both of us (we want different types of careers). Plus he's saving money to pay for school so he can get his masters degree. He wants to give himself time before he gets into any serious relationship.

 

As for reading him/his character... When we're together and touching, kissing, etc.. I feel as though he loves me and wants me and needs me. It's a great feeling, but I'm also not experienced at all so I don't know if I even know what I'm talking about (hope that makes sense) lol.

He's a great man; smart, funny, goofy, talented, and much more (I could go on and on). He's very special to me. I couldn't imagine my life without him in it. I know we have a connection because no matter what happens we always seem to find each other again. We've know each other on and off for 3 years. We've had arguments and times when we stopped talking (even times of not talking for nearly a year... busy lives, etc...) but we always come back to each other. I think we have a different relationship, maybe it's even weird.

 

As for the orgasm, I will try that again. I tried it in the tub (it's quiet and I can be alone, no distractions). But I never reach orgasm. I fantasize and I alternated with softer and harder touches and made the touches softer when I got that feeling of it being too much, but still nothing happens. I think I got the closest to orgasm last night with my body shaking but still it ended with that. I don't know what else to do.

[JazzyGirl]

Well, the good thing is I know he's willing to keep on working on me to get me to cum. I think the idea of me getting an orgasm because of him turns him on a lot! He's a guy who loves to please the girl. I just wish I could be more helpful in that process. I thought that I was relaxed, but maybe I need to find a way to relax further. Perhaps, you're right, maybe a drink might help. I'll try it.

Also, yeah, that would suck to get pregnant without ever having sex. I wish I would've known that last night. I thought I would only get pregnant through intercourse and that he had to cum for me to get pregnant.

[loz2k29]

Hi, Maybe you could try not rubbing directly on the clit? i find that if you do this too hard it makes me whole body twitch and i really dont like it when that happens. maybe you could try just around the clit and occasionally rub over the top of it.

[JazzyGirl]

Thanks for all the advice. I appreciate it. Also, does anyone have any advice on the oral sex thing? I want him to do it, but I've always thought of it as gross. Does anyone have any advice for that? (I think I worded it better above, in the original post).

[vandgsmom]

I know what you mean.... the thought of anyones mouth anywhere near my private areas was a totally unnerving idea when I was a virgin.. don't knock it until you try it though... if you can relax, the sensation of hot wet lips sucking on you may just be enough to push you over that edge....

 

ok, now I need a shower.....

[JazzyGirl]

haha, thanks for the advice. I think I might try it. He really wants to but both times I've stopped him from doing it. The first night I stopped him I was just too nervous to do that, and the second night (the other night) it was cause I knew I'd have to go home and I couldn't stay the night with him (and the whole gross out thing).

Was that hard to get over (the idea of it being gross)? For me, the idea of giving and receiving oral sex is gross... I wish I could just get over it.

 

Also, the risk of pregnancy from what he and I have done... there seems to be a consensus that it's possible to get pregnant from that, but is it really all that likely? If so, how soon can I tell? I'm not too worried, but I want to be prepared and as knowledgeable as possible. Thanks!!!

[highonyou]

hey there!

 

yeah sumtimes i dont cum when my bf is massaging or fingering me, but i have read and tried this tip - it does work! - part of an orgasm is building up and sudden release of tension from the body, try straining ur legs while he is massaging and fingering you, especially when it begins to reach the point where u cant take anymore...works for me anyhoo.

 

and oral sex...well if ur worried about the weird smell or the hygiene aspect of his penis, u could try giving oral in the shower, tis very comfortable and clean!

 

or if that doesnt seem like a good idea to you, try a flavoured condom. i recommend orange, it has the strongest flavour of the ones ive tried!

[AlleyCat]

I totally understand what you mean about oral sex. I also find it a bit gross to give and receive, but I still do it occasionally because my fiance enjoys it.

 

It doesn't bother me as much when we do it in or immediately after a shower. Also, you might want to try using some flavored oils or something similar when you're on the giving end...

 

As for not being able to have an orgasm when he's fingering you, don't worry about that too much. If it felt like "too much," it probably was too much. He probably just needs to go more slowly to work you up to that point (and as some other people have suggested, it definitely helps to know your own body so you can let him know what you like). Do your best to relax. If you try to hard to have an orgasm, chances are you won't (at least that's been my experience).

 

Good luck!

[qt]

hiya

 

firstly, the wetness thing-it is absolutly normal hun its a good thing cos its lubrication for your body and its alot nicer than say ky jelly.

 

i think before you go further with this guy you need to take sometime and experiment with yourself. orgasms are great and from what you describe you do seem to be getting there but your stopping at the crucial point. next time try again and keep going, and see what happens. it is hard to describe an orgasm but its an immense pleaseaure and you'll want ti to go on forever. try differernt things, maybe in the shower or rubbing against a pillow or on the corner of your bed. take sometime, theres no rush, get to know your body. your clit is the best place to start but it can be sensitive so its best to rub over the clit not directly on it.

 

you seem to be like me in terms of your first time to be special. yeh new years eve would be nice, cos its a special day but i'll give you some advice. i wanted that with my bf too, wanted first time to be special and all so wnated it to be valentines day and we talked about it before hand and stuff, but we decided to do it a few days before because things can go wrong and that way you can have sex again on the special day and reemeber that day as beong the best, even thought it wasnt the first.

 

even though you are ready to have sex, it doesnt mean you have to rush into it, take your time. a little time might help you work out wether this guy feels for you the way you want im too.

 

if you need any more advice, just pm me id be happy to help you hun

 

it might be a good idea for you to go on the pill, cos even "messing" about can lead to pregnanyc,even thou its fairly unlikely there is always a cance as precum is about so better safe then sorry.

 

talkign about wat you like and what you dont like is always a good thing too. communication helps make sex more enjoyable. i can understand te oral sex thing, takes time and in my opionon oral sex can be more intimate than sex can so maybe ease yourself into it, mkae it more enjoyable with fruit and chocolate sauces or whipping cream.

 

i think the main thing you have to rememebr is there is plenty of time,dont rush and just enjoy.

 

ps another thing i find is that, you dont have to orgasm everytime you have some sort of sexual experince, i dont all the time but it still feels so good when you have that intimate closeness with someone.

 

all the best

qt xxx

[JazzyGirl]

Well just a quick update... the new year's eve thing never worked out because his grandfather died. I haven't heard from him since (he told me about it, I think the 30th)... I tried calling him but got no answer so I'm just leaving the ball in his court. I appreciate ALL the suggestions... there's so much to think about and try!!! I'll be glad when I get that chance

 

Also, thanks for the advice on the possibility to get pregnant just from messing around. I didn't really realize that could happen. I'm wondering if I should get tested and how soon a test can tell you? Anyways, I figure along with that I should get an STD test, right? I figure if there's a possibility of pregnancy then there's a possibility of an STD. He's always told me he's clean, but I suppose it's something I should find out for myself, right? It's been about 13 days since we had our night together - is that enough time to tell both things or is it too soon?

You are all the greatest!! Thanks for the help and the support. I wouldn't know what to do without this message board and without all of you... I'd be pretty alone! Thanks for being here!!!

 

~Jazzy~