knicksfan Posted December 25, 2005 Share Posted December 25, 2005 Outta curiosity, how many of u guys had your dumper tell you that they wanted to remain friends, only to never hear from them again? Link to comment
HeckaBekah Posted December 25, 2005 Share Posted December 25, 2005 One guy told me that it wasn't going to work out between the two of us and then he said we can still talk. At the end of the conversation he said "talk to you later" and I haven't heard from him since. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 25, 2005 Share Posted December 25, 2005 It's a pretty common theme. Obviously, they didn't really want to be friends. Better to have them out of your life anyway. Link to comment
SuperDuper Posted December 25, 2005 Share Posted December 25, 2005 I agree, if they're willing to lie, and go back on their word, they're not worth the fuss. Don't sweat it. Link to comment
thefireisoutanyway Posted December 25, 2005 Share Posted December 25, 2005 I mean, isn't that how you break up with someone anyway? I think it's more of a formality when the dumper/dumpee says, "Let's be friends." I mean, face it -- you can't go from being couples to friends with a snap of a finger. It takes time to move on and lose the feelings. Link to comment
lonelyfish Posted December 25, 2005 Share Posted December 25, 2005 When my ex and I met, we always said if it didn't work out at the very least we would have made a great new friend. It didn't work out and did not make any effort to remain good friends except for the Xmas cards that we sent each other. He has a lot of issues to work out in his life so I guess the limited contact is for the best right now. Though I would have preferred to have a more comfortable level of a friendship with him but I admit a little piece of me would like a second chance with him. Link to comment
friscodj Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 Yeah, that happened to me in one notable situation with a woman I thought I would marry. We tried being "friends" for a while, which goes to say I wanted to get back together. After a few months...never heard from her again... That's alright though, these days I sincerely hope she is doing well and I forgive her... Link to comment
CharmedphoenixRising Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 face it -- you can't go from being couples to friends with a snap of a finger. It takes time to move on and lose the feelings. Absolutely true. Actually I find that since the 'dumper' takes the stand of not communicating, while you have all your screwy feelings, it makes it alot easier to move on (not immediately at least) 'cos when you're doing the stay in touch thing, there's usually some hope you'll get back together. Course if you're friends and it's a mutual decision, and you can laugh about it, then it's different Link to comment
friscodj Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 Absolutely true. Actually I find that since the 'dumper' takes the stand of not communicating, while you have all your screwy feelings, it makes it alot easier to move on (not immediately at least) 'cos when you're doing the stay in touch thing, there's usually some hope you'll get back together. Absolutely... Link to comment
Thunderforce Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 Well my dumper is also in NC ... is my conclusion. He wrote me in his e-mail: "I really hope we can see eachother, I would really regret if this would be the end of us spending time together" Well after a few weeks of getting myself together again I wanted to live up to his words and contacted him ... but he's busy for the moment and would let me know when he has time .... 5 weeks have gone by with nothing! And that hurts even more than his first rejection. Link to comment
ConfusedBigTime Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 I agree Thunder. You put yourself out there in a relationship and get rejected. Then when you agree to be friends, they leave you with nothing. Being rejected twice by the same person is bad. I have been there. But you know, that is their loss and one day they will realize it. Normally the dumper does this to relieve their guilt to where they can move on and not think about it. It's ok, we ALL deserve so much better than that!!!! Link to comment
shikashika Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 ha! I ran into my ex at the gym yesterday.. here is the funny (weird? strange?) part of it all. I was doing my thing while his friend smiles and waves, comes over and chats to me for a bit.. we have a nice friendly conversation.... my ex turns around with his head down and walks out of the gym!!! ha! then as i was leaving the gym i saw my ex outside and, he quickly put his head down and looked like a little scared boy about to be attacked by a gang of bullies. shouldn't it be ME who is awkward and uncomfortable around him???? i now feel like i've been dumped by someone who hasn't left junior high! Link to comment
annie24 Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 ha! then as i was leaving the gym i saw my ex outside and, he quickly put his head down and looked like a little scared boy about to be attacked by a gang of bullies. shouldn't it be ME who is awkward and uncomfortable around him???? i now feel like i've been dumped by someone who hasn't left junior high! yup, I had the same thing happen to me. a few days after he broke up with me. he saw me from afar and ran back into his building. ran. Link to comment
shikashika Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 yup, I had the same thing happen to me. a few days after he broke up with me. he saw me from afar and ran back into his building. ran. its so odd isn't it... i could actually see his jaw shaking.. i feel like the roles have been reversed... I'm supposed to be sad and forlorn when I see him...not him!! When i have broken up with someone, I don't ignore them and run away sad... we dont' have to sit and talk about our dreams, but a "hi' would suffice. i wonder what his friend thinks of this... as i said, i saw my ex with his good friend, and his friend smiled and came over for a chat. as I said, this is grade 7 behaviour Link to comment
annie24 Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 oh well, whatever. who cares. Link to comment
blender Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 It's tough when the dumper says that they will "stay in touch" only to completely disappear, but think of it as a "gift", because it's sooo much worse when the dumpee is still "hoping and longing" and the dumper is hanging around as a buddy..ugh.. that is worse then the pain of them just disappearing for awhile. Don't feel badly that you tried to contact him and he's busy, you tried, and now you know that you are not a priority for him.. and that is okay to find out.. it hurts, but it's useful information. You can get through this pain and let go now.. don't contact him again, it's been five weeks and he's made a clear choice to not make any contact.. I know it's painful, but sometimes we just have to mourn the loss of what we "hoped" for with the ex and be in acceptance of what it actually turned out to be... and then move on.. You'll get through this, stay in "no contact" and be proud of yourself for reaching out, getting past it, and moving on.. you can do it!!! For today, start thinking of this in terms of HE lost his chance to see YOU, and not the other way around.. besides, he's the one who has to live with his choice to not follow through.. that's his burden, you can rest assure that you made an effort and now you have the courage and pride to let go and get on with your own healing... you'll be so much better off, no man is worth your energy when he lacks the effort to reach out to you in a respectful clear loving way.. anything less, is well, nothing.. and you deserve all that you hoped for, it just might be with someone more fantastic that's all... 1 Link to comment
friscodj Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 It's tough when the dumper says that they will "stay in touch" only to completely disappear, but think of it as a "gift", because it's sooo much worse when the dumpee is still "hoping and longing" and the dumper is hanging around as a buddy..ugh.. that is worse then the pain of them just disappearing for awhile. I copy this. I'd rather be hung from a tree by the balls, lit on fire, spun around, and whacked like a pinata by lumberjacks than go through another one of these situations...on either side... Cut it clean...Christmas came early this year... Link to comment
majord23 Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 I copy this. I'd rather be hung from a tree by the balls, lit on fire, spun around, and whacked like a pinata by lumberjacks than go through another one of these situations...from either side... It's a toss-up for me...but that's just the kinda guy I am Link to comment
annie24 Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 I'd rather be hung from a tree by the balls, lit on fire, spun around, and whacked like a pinata by lumberjacks than go through another one of these situations...from either side... lol... I don't know... I think I'll risk not hearing back from the ex Link to comment
friscodj Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 Yeah, well, you guys don't know some of my exes... Link to comment
Thunderforce Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 Thank you so much for your wise words. really feel a bit better now! Thanks! Link to comment
blender Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 Good for you, hang in there, the best is ahead of you, not behind you, take the lessons learned from this heartache and turn it into a better YOU. Be proud of yourself for getting through all this with class, dignity and courage. I promise someday you will look back on all this and be grateful for all you learned and experienced, including the heartache. If this guy is worth your love, he will show up the RIGHT way in your life, give it a chance to be done with HIS effort making the difference, you've done your part... it's so tough to be in "acceptance" of the way things turn out sometimes, but once we stop "resistance" and give in to "acceptance" all will fall into place. Let go...for today. You're on your way to healing, growing, and finding your own happiness. Best, Blender Link to comment
hjc Posted November 2, 2006 Share Posted November 2, 2006 Exactly the scenario I'm in...I really don't understand what the thought process behind "let's not lose touch" is and then doing precisely that. My ex asked for dates I was free and then when I sent them to her, just ignored me. Not sure how I'm going to react if/when she does finally get in touch with an "I've been really busy" type excuse...no-one is that busy! Anyway glad to hear I'm not the only one wondering about this; of course I want her back and I know that not seeing her is a good way to heal. But it seems odd to initiate a process and then recoil... Still moral high ground is with me as I've done all I can to assist a potential meeting. Link to comment
bcuzitwasfun Posted November 3, 2006 Share Posted November 3, 2006 I don't know, this is a good question. My recent ex told me the same thing but I finally had to let her and her bf (who was my best friend) that I don't care anything about either one of them. I was in NC mode until I was fooled in to answering a call from some of her friends. Nothing more than a "phishing" trip to find out what I was up to. Same old excuse, "let's get together and party". I called them and told them that I was not available and not interested. After that there has been NC from me and her. We see each other most days but I don't say or look in her direction. I treat her bf the same way as we all three work together. What a mess... Anyhow, that has been the best thing that has happened to me. Yeah, I got dumped for my ex best friend. But you know, now that she doesn't want anything to do with me, and he doesn't either, I've been able to pick up the pace and move on quickly. Kind of like Blender said. So maybe it is a good thing for the dumper to do NC. Maybe they say things like "I miss your friendship" and (in my case) "So does he...." is their way of accepting that it is really over and it is time to move on with the decision that has been made. Again, we are all different, but amazingly situations are very similar. Good Luck bcuzitwasfun Link to comment
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