ConfusedBigTime

It is a country song. Goodbye Time by Blake Shelton. Lyrics below and how true it is.... It's your life - you say you need a change Don't all the dreams we've seen come true mean anything You say it's different now and you keep staring at the door How can you walk away don't I matter anymore If being free's worth what you leave behind And if it's too late for love to change your mind Then it's goodbye time If we had known our love would come to this We could have saved our hearts the hurt of wasted years Well it's been fun - what else can I say If the feeling's gone words won't stop you anyway If being free's worth what you leave behind And if it's too late for love to change your mind Then it's goodbye time Goodbye Baby

I agree Thunder. You put yourself out there in a relationship and get rejected. Then when you agree to be friends, they leave you with nothing. Being rejected twice by the same person is bad. I have been there. But you know, that is their loss and one day they will realize it. Normally the dumper does this to relieve their guilt to where they can move on and not think about it. It's ok, we ALL deserve so much better than that!!!!

Dako....I understand. I guess the best way to explain it is I hope I win the lottery and become very wealthy; however, I am not going to quit my job and wait until it happens. It may not happen. If it does, great! If not, I am going to continue along my career path until I reach all of my goals professionally. IMHO, there is nothing wrong with having hope as long as the situation does not hold you back or control you. I have a good feeling that a lot of people that have visited in this site have successfully reunited with their ex; however, you don't hear about that because they no longer have a reason to return to this site to tell us. Some do and I am greatful for their stories and their success. Those that don't will in time see that it was for the best. In these 6 months, I have used this time to fix myself mentally, physically and emotionally. I have recognized and fixed my faults and I have refused to stay at home and instead have gone out with friends and on many dates and have a lot of fun and made new friends. I hope my ex comes around but if she doesn't, I will be fine. Why am I still on this site? Well, like many I have taken most of the advice of all the nice and knowledgeable people here. It is my hope that someone will see that it worked for me and hopefully that will help someone as well.

Dako....no offense taken. I appreciate your comments. If this makes sense, yes, there is hope that one day she will wake up and realize she was wrong and want to start over; however, I am not waiting or couting on this to happen. I have totally let go of the relationship and I have moved on. I am happy and enjoying being single again. Yes, I hope she comes back but I am not letting that hope stand in my way of moving on and being happy. I believe there is a difference. I am controling the situation and NOT letting the situation control me. Does that make sense? The thing I struggle with is that something will remind me of the breakup and I will get angry in how I was hurt and treated. This is not often but still does happen. I have forgiven her but forgiving and totally forgetting are two different things. I honestly believe time and distance/space will cause her to realize what a mistake she made....what she threw away.....but if it doesn't, I know I am in a better position as I am looking forward and not in the past. Best of luck everyone!

Thanks Chibby. You are right. The steps that helped me are no secret and probably can be found in just about every post on here. LOL I felt it was important for those (especially in the early stages of a breakup) to know they do work. It is not a miracle and by no means happens overnight but if you follow them, you will heal and begin to feel good about yourself. People will notice. In most cases, the things we want to do as dumpees and feel that it will rectify things are the exact things that drive our ex's further away. I disagree with most in regards to a breakup. Yes, a lot of breakups are permanent; however, there are a lot as well that a breakup is the best thing for the long term relationship. It allows both people to fix themselves, realize they miss each other and allows them to reunite stronger individually which makes for a stronger relationship. My hope is that if it is for the best that everyone will one day reunite with their loved one. Should that not happen, we will all realize one day that it was for the best in that there is someone even more special out there.

I am posting this in hopes that it will help at least one person. Just a brief history of my situation.....I dated my ex for about 15 months. I felt we had a good relationship. We of course had a few minor issues but were always able to work through them. I feel and was often told that I was so good and treated my ex very well. Even her friends said she was so lucky. I felt so blessed to have her. It was a beautiful relationship. I just knew she was "the one". The last few months of our relationship, nothing changed but for some reason, she became very distant. Her walls were up and she began shutting me out till one day she said she no longer wanted a relationship. I was devastated. She never gave me a true reason other than she did not want to be in a relationship. To this day, I do not know why she would end something with such potential. We have been apart for about 6 months. From that terrible day, we have only spoken once about 3 months ago. Other than that day, it has been NC all the way. I like anyone, went through all the emotions common with a breakup. I am happy to say I have almost completely healed. I say almost as there are days here and there where something reminds me of the breakup and I get angry. Anger attributed to how I could treat her so well and she threw me away. Anger that I agreed to be friends at her request only to find out she is even more distant and the friendship she wanted never materialized. I say all of that to say this. I know there are people hurting out there just as I was but I promise, it will get better in time. How long? Well, that depends on many factors but there are things I did to help in this process. My hope is that this will help someone. The first thing you have to realize is that chances are nothing you say or do will change their mind. Yes, there are exceptions but most of those only end up in another breakup in the near future because the people are still the same and the problems exist. Use this time to fix you. Get in shape, get a new wardrobe, change hairstyles, go out with friends/family/dates, be happy, etc. If your ex is not there to see the change in you, trust me, they will hear about it. No, it may not get the two of you back together but it will show you are independent, happy and maybe cause them to see just how crazy they were for letting you go. Basically, don't tell them, SHOW THEM. If your ex is dating, don't fret. IT could be a rebound relationship. If not, if you were truly good to your ex, they will realize this the more they date this person as they will be comparing them to you and realize how crazy they were for letting you go. To help you, don't think about the good times with your ex. Think about the things that you did not like or the things that irritated you. Don't contact your ex. After all, they walked away from you. Give them the space they obviously want. If you are wanting to reconcile, this is very important. They need time to miss you. You can't miss someone who is always calling, talking or there in person. If your ex does contact you, proceed with caution...but try to be nice and most importantly LISTEN. Let them do most of the talking. Realize that you are a catch. That someone, if not your ex, is out there for you and that you are only a day away from being with someone that makes you very happy. I have done the things above and realize I have my power back. I feel like I am on top of the world and very happy. Yes, I still get angry every once in a while but only because I was rejected after treating someone so well. For my situation, I know this girl is still the one. It is hard to explain and could take forever. Why she treated me this way, I have no idea. Maybe she needs space, maybe she needs to find out I am the one. I just don't know. What I do know is that I cannot sit around and wait for something that may not happen. I have got to live my life and I have and I am much happier. If that day comes when she does come back to me, I welcome it. If not, I am in a much better position and will not be disappointed. I wish each and everyone of you the best of luck. While you may be confused, hurting, sad, lonely, etc, just know that it gets better with each day.

Thanks Lady Bugg. I can say I forgave her from walking away from the relationship. That allowed me to get past the hurt and agree to be friends with her. Since then, nothing has changed. She is very distant and ignores me the couple of times we have run into each other. That is not what friends do. Some say she is still confused on what she wants. Others say she is crazy for walking away. Other say move on and forget about her. I have chosen to move on but feel like such a fool for putting myself out there twice only to be taken advantage of. Forgiveness once is hard, twice is even harder....

The anger is not continuous in nature. Maybe once a week I feel this way and I am not exactly sure what triggers it. I will never understand how you can treat someone so well and be so happy and then one day get dumped on and thrown to the curb like a piece of garbage. I am convinced one day she will realize what she had and what a mistake she made; however, I will not be there to take her back. I deserve much better and I will not put myself in a position again to be hurt by her. I put myself in that position twice...there will not be a third time.

Hi all... I was hoping that I could get some advice on how to get past the anger I am feeling toward my ex for dumping me. I have been through every emotion that is common with a breakup but for some reason, when I feel that I am totally healed and have gotten past all the emotions, the anger reappears. Just a brief history.....we dated for 1 1/2 years. We had a very good relationship. We were both very happy. We began to talk about our future together. After dating so many, I honestly felt like this was "the one". A couple of months before our breakup, she began to be very distant. She raised her walls and it was hard to get close to her until one day she told me that she did not want a relationship with me any longer. No reasons were given. She admitted that I was very good to her and treated her well but that she did not want a relationship at this point in her life with me or anyone else. I was devestated and could not understand why she would want to walk away. If I had done something to deserve that, I could understand but nothing like that happened. After 3 months of NC, she broke NC. We talked and she said she just wanted to be friends and did not want a relationship. I agreed to be friends; however, ever since then, she still remains very distant and cold towards me. I have been NC since our talk (2 months) and have no intention of contacting her for any reason. I gave everything to our relationship and she walked away. I agreed to be her friend and she walked away. I feel like such a fool!!!! I have no desire to get back with her as who wants to be with someone that treats you that way. I deserve better but for the life of me, I can't understand why I cannot get past this anger. I just want to totally forget about her and move on!!! I am dating a couple of girls now and having fun but have not met someone that I feel I have a future with. Can anyone give me some advice on how to get past this anger? Is anyone going through the same thing? How are you coping? Thanks to all!

Nick, I agree. If there is any chance, give her space and move on with your life.

Unfortunately, no, I have not had success in achieving a good friendship with my ex. Just a brief history, I am the dumpee. We had a great relationship for a year and then she slowly started becoming more distant until she decided she did not want a relationship with me. She said that she still wanted to remain friends. After a couple of months of healing, I agreed. Since then, she continues to remain very distant. I am not sure why, but I have decided to move on and not worry about it. She walked away from a great relationship and now I feel she has also walked away from a promising friendship. With the exception of talking to her to tell her I would like to remain friends, we have been in NC for about 5 months and I will not initiate contact with her. She is the one that walked away. If she has a change of heart, she will have to contact me. It is sad the decisions she has made; however, I have no control over that. She really is a great person but for some reason, she changed. I am not saying a great friendship is not possible with an ex, it is just not very common and obviously did not work in my situation even though I felt I did everything I could do to make it work. Best of luck to you!

Congratulations Chris. How long did it take? Do you mind giving us more details in how you made it work?

I did treat her very well and she knows it. As I said before, I am not perfect and did make some minor mistakes along the way (as most people in relationships often do) but it was nothing that would even add up to make her want to walk away unless she was looking for any excuse to do so. I am doing well. Makes it easier when you are not appreciated and are not considered a priority. The funny part is she was wanting us to still be friends and I agreed as I am a strong person and can just be her friend. Even accepting that fact, she is still very distant with her walls up. Something just does not add up with this. But I am ok with this as well as I now know I deserve so much better! Very true!! I am not sure this fit this particular situation, but very true. I think her reasons for walking away are something totally different that only she knows and I could only speculate. But hey, she gave up, she walked away and now she will have to live with that decision. As for me, I know there is someone out there that will appreciate me for who I am. That is itself if encouraging and gives me the strength to move on.

I wish I could find someone that appreciated the "nice guy" but unfortunately, the ones I have been attracted to, evidently they do not.

I am not saying there weren't some minor problems in the year and a half that we dated but they were small in nature and probably something that all couples experience at one point or another. I am not saying I was perfect by any means but I was the type of person that she needed (she told me on several occastions) and then this happens. I just don't get it....

Thanks Goldfish. I am moving on. I am dating and having fun again. I guess my reasons for wanting everyone's opinion is twofold. 1) To bring total closure and understanding and 2) To help me in any future relationships that I may have. I am not going to say it was easy to move on but once I sat down and thought about it, it made it easier. I treated her well and she threw me away. I am not going to say I did not make small mistakes along the way, but I now know there is someone out there that will appreciate me for who I am and appreciate me for the way I treat them. I have also learned from the mistakes that will help me down the road as well. I have used this time to improve myself. Mutual friends say that it is not me, it is her. She does not want a relationship with anyone and that one day she may come around. That would be nice but I am not going to wait for that to happen. I just find it odd that she wanted to continue a friendship but at the same time continues to treat me the same way the last few months we were together in that she was very distant and refused to let the walls down. I guess I will never totally understand and should not spend anymore time dwelling on it. It blows my mind to know that you can treat someone so well but yet it is not good enough.

Hi all! I am a first time poster to this site but I have been keeping up with many of the threads for a while now. I just wanted to say that it has been a big help reading your advice and thought I would run my situation by you all in hopes you could provide me some input/support. My girlfriend broke up with me about 3 months ago after a year and a half relationship. We had a great relationship in that we built a friendship first that grew into much more. Over time I saw her become stressed and distant until finally one day she informed me that it was over. The stress came from her career that took it's toll on our relationship until finally she decided it could not be her career and us but instead, just her career. I took it hard as I never expected this. I supported her when she needed it, I gave her space when she needed it and she admitted that I treated her very well. I have been on strict NC with the exception of a couple of times that we have crossed paths. She told me that she did not want a relationship but rather a friendship. I agreed but have been surprised that she continues to remain very distant with the walls up and has not broken NC since we agreed to be friends. I have decided to continue NC and give her the space it seems she needs. While I feel we should be together, I am moving on especially with the mindset she is in now in. Basically the stress has affected her so much that she is a completely different person. My question is this....did she just want me to agree to a friendship to relieve her guilt? or does it sound like she is confused or is going through a period of time that she is not sure what she wants? Thanks to all!