someone please help me

[DN]

It's really important that you stop drinking - if you are not careful you will find it much harder to give that up than thoughts about a relationship.

[lonelyfish]

Stop contacting him!!! You are not thinking with your head right now. It is only going to push him further away and make him think he made the right decision in breaking up with you!

[Ms Omaniac]

im here, im barely heree. im with a friend. im barely sober. but im alive.

[Ms Omaniac]

neither him nor his dad has contacted me. stilll waiting,

[RayKay]

Some more big ((((((((hugs)))))))) for you...I know they are a couple days late, but you can never have too many

 

I am going to say that this really does NOT sound like your fault at all. I have dated people recently out of long term relationships, and known people to date recently divorced or separated persons, and there usually is a LOT of baggage still being opened by the divorcee etc. Not ALWAYS, but very often they think they are ready to meet someone new, but often they turn out to be still dealing with a LOT of stuff. Divorce is extremely painful and can take a lot of time to sort through.

 

It sounds like he was having a reaction to all the drama in his life...the divorce, his roommates, the holidays coming up, and his reaction was to take it out on the one thing he "could" and feel like he was doing "something" and that was to end it. I am sorry, because I know how much it hurts (especially around the holidays....I have been there too) but know that it is not reflective of you sweetie.

 

I know it is terribly hard to be positive at this point, so just take care of yourself, and work on healing yourself. You are very special, and very deserving of love from the RIGHT person. Recognize that. Get away from the bottle, and get yourself to the gym, or out for a run or walk. Drinking is a depressant and will only make you feel worse. Believe in yourself girl, and if you can't do that yet, believe in the people whom have posted here...you CAN do it on your own, and there is better in your future!

 

Lots of HUGS,

 

RayKay

[Ms Omaniac]

raykay....you know...i have a degree in psychology. i should have known better. i saw the signs and ignored them. i told myself i was the exception. but i wasnt. im reeeeeeling in pain still. barely alive. not functioning. im a messs. who the hell would love this? who am i kidding. im a messssssssss.

[novaseeker]

Hey there --

 

I just went through a breakup myself, it was one month yesterday.

 

It's dire and awful at the beginning, I know .. it usually is, but it will get better. The hardest part is now, it hurts a lot and it seems like there isn't anything else you can think about and do and so forth. Get with your friends, get out of the house to the gym or for a walk or to do something with friends. Don't drink, because the drinking is really just going to delay your ability to deal with the pain ... what it does is take the edge off the pain for a while, but afterward the pain is there in full force and you haven't done much work to deal with it, so it actually delays the healing process. So try to stay away from the bottle in this process, as hard as that is.

 

I know this is a hard time. You have a lot of support here. Reach out also to your support system in real life, time's like these are what its there for.

 

And hang in there! Things do get better with time.

[Hope75]

It is tremendously hard in the beginning. You can't eat, you can't sleep, you feel sick, you are crying all the time, you feel like an empty shell.

 

It doesn't feel like it now, but these feelings do pass. You are only making it worse for yourself if you drink. It just magnifies your feelings and do you really need that?

 

The only way to come through this is to face it, and understand that you can't change it and learn to live around it. It's possible. Most of the people on this site have been through a hard breakup at one time of another, and they will probably all tell you the same thing, they felt like dying at first, but with time, it got better.

 

Exercise, eat well, get some sleep, take care of your body. Talk to your friends about this, and us, until you are blue in the face. Get it out, cry, punch your pillow, hug your dog....and most importantly don't hurt yourself any more by drinking. It never solves anything.

 

We're here for you.

[RayKay]

Just what Hope said. I know it feels terrible right now, I also know hearing pat answers like "you will heal" and you will be okay, seem so foreign. It seems like NO ONE understands your pain. But trust me that they really DO, they HAVE been there, felt the same, and learned that time DOES heal, things DO get better. Have faith sweetie. You WILL be okay. You will be fantastic again. It just takes some work to get there first!

[Ms Omaniac]

im here. im barely alive. ive talked to friends all day long. i need them.

his dad still hasnt called or emailed me. i feel like MAYBE i'll be ok because i have a lot of people here surrounding me making sure i am. but he has no one. i was it for him. if he leaves me...he leaves himself. he's in a worse place than me. im scared for him.

this is the last email ive sent to him. im doing NC now.

i wish you would sell your house. i wish you would

just move down here. i wish you would have a utopia

with me here. i wish you could see how much i care

about you. i wish you could see how my only concern

is pleasing you.

 

im going to stop emailing, texting, and calling you

now. dont take that as i dont care. im giving you

space. maybe you need that? maybe you will come to

your senses and realize how youre happy with me

 

this is what i emailed his dad.

mr zeleny

 

you dont know me. my name is ivy. im jeramie's best

friend. he is not in a good place right now. im

realllllly worried about him. im scared he is going

to do something stupid. he wont answer his phone. i

dont know what else to do. please try to make sure

he is ok. and PLEASE let me know he is ok one way or

another.

 

please.

 

you have my email addy. my phone numbers are

cel........my house ....my

office.......my mom's house which im

at.....

 

he dumped me on friday and i havent heard from him

since. he did it for no reason whatsoever. he's a

little outta touch right now because he lost his 2

roommmates which were helping paying his mortgage.

and then there's that awful anniversary with jenn

leaving him on xmas.

 

he means so much to me. please. find him.

 

please get a hold of him. im so sad right now.

 

ivy

[Mun]

Hey girl, you're gonna be ok, you just have to get through this. I know how painful break ups can be...especially at this time of year.

 

Question.... Is this the boyfriend you had for the last 3 years?

 

Yesterday on 99.5 ( I'm in the RGV too) I heard a lady call in to talk about how her boyfriend had broken up with her 2 months ago and her kids were spending Xmas with their dad and she was sad that she would be all alone. I was thinking " dammit girl go dancing!" You're kids will be back, there will be other men...

 

I hope you don't drink yourself to sleep anymore, he isn't worth it. You're going to dance again, you just have to get through this rough time.

 

Try not to call or email, text him or his family anymore....you don't want them to think you're some psycho. You don't need to add insult to injury. Like I said, it's not worth it.

 

Hang in there...

Hugs

[Hope75]

Hi Ivy,

 

I agree with Mun on this one. I suspect once his dad checks on him he'll find out that he's OK and won't contact you about it. He might just think you are kind of acting like a stalker ( you don't want to be that girl, I know!).

 

NC is a good thing for you right now. I think once you get some distance and perspective, you will know that it's important to take care of YOU. If you don't, who will?

 

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but are you keeping a journal of your feelings? I did this when I suffered a hard breakup. Everytime I was tempted to contact him or act stalkerish, I would write in this journal instead. I wrote down all my feelings, everything I wanted to say to him....it really helped me. By the time I was finished writing, the urge to contact him had passed. I felt better, and had gotten my feelings out.

 

I haven't looked at it in a long time, but if I did I would see how much progress I made, and feel sad for that girl, but know that it isn't me anymore.

 

Ivy, have you thought about how damaging all this drinking is for you? I'm really worried that if you don't stop, you could find yourself with a debilitating addiction. Drinking isn't going to make this go away for you.

 

Hang in there girl!

 

((HUGS))

[Wimpy]

Everytime I was tempted to contact him or act stalkerish, I would write in this journal instead. I wrote down all my feelings, everything I wanted to say to him....it really helped me. By the time I was finished writing, the urge to contact him had passed. I felt better, and had gotten my feelings out.

 

When I felt the urge to contact my ex I sat and re-read his e-mail breaking up with me and by the time I reached the end I had lost all desire to contact him.

 

I have, however, written him tons of e-mails - they're all still in the "draft" folder of my account. Occasionally I'll re-read them and see how far I've come. I don't get the urge to do it quite so much any longer and I'm glad that I've never sent any of them.

 

Ivy, try not to send what you write.... write it by all means but hold off contacting him. I know it sounds a cliche but this despair will pass. Those who have survived it, like me, are proof of that.

 

Keep strong....

[Ms Omaniac]

ive stopped drinking. ive been sober for hours. im seeing things more clearly. i got up and took a bath and ate. i wrote a nice email to my bf and he wrote one back apologising too.

im not drinking anymore ever again. that was the most painful lesson of my life. i would drink at night...every night....to be able to go to sleep. i have an anxiety disorder that doesnt let me sleep much. i found out alcohol puts me to sleep the whole night.

but at too huge a cost.

no more. no more. no more.

thank you all for helping me in a really low and confusing point in my life. i appreciate the support tremendously.

[Hope75]

Hi Ivy,

 

Just wanted to see how you were doing, since we haven't heard from you in a couple of days?