Shyness gone?

[Derge]

While analysing the reasons why i am shy I have no logical reason for it. Im generally a nice guy with lots of friends ranging in age mostly male but a few females. Ive beel building my confidence gradually for 5 years im pretty sure girls find me attractive esspecially ones who did not know me when I was younger although some who did have been converted. Ive been whinging on here for years or so it seems and I cant be bothered anymore asking the same questions. I was thinking what happens if I woke up tomorrow brimming with confidence I know it would be better so why not. If I think something tomorrow and it is relevant it will be said. you only have one life and your only young once ive been delt my hand and ive got to play it. I think im attractive and im going to ask a girl out tomorrow (is this a good idea before breaking up for X-MAS) im going to talk and if she says no I will be upset but ill be looking for my next prospect and if it gets out so what ill let people think what they want if they want to laugh they can but ive got things on all of them and they will be coming out of my mouth on rapid fire. I LIKE this girl and i have the same right as anyone else to let her know it. If she says yes itll be one of the best days of my life and I would have beaten it. if she says no its one more step and the beggining of a new better stage in my life. i honestly believe i am capable of this its all or nothing now anyone done anything similar. but im not missing out on what others have and have had in the past. It hurts and if i dont get some contact tomorrow i wont see her for weeks and it will drive my crazy any tips or constructive criticisms. i

[Mix Maxster]

Hey man,

 

Cheers on your post. I commend you for your attitude. But I do have a word of caution and that is that the second you start putting your hopes up or thinking that by her saying yes that it will make your day, that also means that it can ruin your day if she says no. Sure, you'll be ready for either response, but it still doesn't help dealing with it does it?

 

As a person who has been through a similar stage, I will say that you will get to where you want to be so long as you believe you'll get there. The next part is knowing that you'll get there and will do what you can do in the mean time to get there. Next is actually doing. In this case I would say that you should most definitely ask this girl out, but it's very important that you know why you are. The obvious short answer is to get a girl I am assuming? But remember the important things such as will you actually get along with her or will it mean that you'll have to change yourself to be with her? (acting different, etc.)

 

I will tell you that what you're saying about confidence and going for what you want, is the BEST thing you can do! Trust me man, if I had someone who was able to tell me this stuff I WISH I had someone back then. I'd be glad to help you out some more to get you going if you'd like, or if you feel like you will manage on your own, then the best to you.

 

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[ApC]

hey dude, im pretty much in the same situation as you..same age too. except what i did was not just ask out one particular girl. i just started talking to every girl i found attractive. with some of them it didnt work out, and with some i managed to get their number and emails and hung out few times on weekends ive been terribly shy over the past few years. and only last year i really started to work on it. im getting comfortable in some situations now but im not where i want to be. if you want my advice, you just have to do it. it she "rejects" you then it doesn't matter, move on to someone else. your living in your own reality, and that means you are the one who makes the decisions and makes the move. practice now, and make your mistakes now while your young. you wont overcome anything by not facing it

[registered]

Hey Derge, I've been fighting this beast too for years.

 

I think you have a good attitude... it's all about not caring what other people say or think about you but just acting for yourself and taking the good with the bad and getting stronger either way.

 

Mix Maxster brings up a good point though. You can't think that getting some "yes"es from girls is going to make you more confident - not jsut because you raise your hopes, but also because you don't need them to make you confident.

Your confidence HAS to come from within and it has to be genuine. Other people will not give this to you.

 

Personally, I am kind of over trying to fight shyness...I'm just trying to embrace it. It doesn't actually cause a lot of problems for me - I'm still shy and quiet but it doesn't really matter if you make the effort to just talk to everyone and meet people then you'll get results whether you are shy or not.

It isn't about being shy - it's about being confident and being someone other people want to know.

 

All the best.

[ShySoul]

Being shy isn't about logical reasons. Being shy is an extension of our natural personalities. That's why people get so frustrated fighting it, because they are trying to fight a part of themselves that they can't get rid of or overcome. Instead what people are really trying to address, even if they don't see it, is fear.

 

I think im attractive and im going to ask a girl out tomorrow (is this a good idea before breaking up for X-MAS

 

What do you mean "breaking up?" I'm not sure what you are saying. Do you mean break up with a girl? The girl you are going to ask out? Another girl?

 

While I applaud the general sentiment, I would warn about going to far to the extreme. Don't go around looking for prospects. Don't think that you should be asking out every girl you can. It is just asking to be faced with a lot of rejection, and while you can say you are ok with it now, when faced with it you are likely to change your mind. It'll hurt, no matter how much you say it won't bother you. And you also don't want to be seen as someone who will just ask out or try to pick up lots of girls. Be selective, to be effective. Wait until you have gotten to know a girl that really touches you and there seems to be mutual attraction.

 

Happy Christmas!

[Derge]

shy soul when i meant break up i meant go on a holiday from school im not that evil. anyhow I even got asked out by a girl today not bad. confidence breeds confidence and im not there yet. although breaking up for christmas would be good to save on buying christmas presents. anyhow turned down the girl im too love struck for 2 girls already great personality's both of them but one has a boyfriend (the one i really want). thankk

[ShySoul]

Ah, sorry for the mistake. I'm not up on my slang terms.

 

You got asked out by a girl? In that case, you have nothing to worry about. You've got the girls coming to you. It's a good feeling, isn't it? And it should be a confidence booster.

[Derge]

Yeah it is i suppose its a sland round these parts lol. yeah going pretty happy just cant get the girls i want YET lol.