XXX pics on fiancee's phone

[WildChild]

Hopefully there has been some weight taken off your shoulders after last night's conversation. And hopefully he has learned his lesson! You don't propose to someone to prove your love and to make someone secure and then pull a doozy like that. You have a very clear mind of what you need in your life and that is good

[Rabican]

I think you have 2 options.

 

1. End the relationship.

 

2. Try to work things out, starting with telling him EXACTLY where you stand on his conduct with other females. If you are not ok with him flirting, texting naughty messages, pictures etc. then tell him so. Just lay down how you feel.... say "ok joe, this is ok, this is not" if he is willing to STOP doing the things that you feel are not appropriate, then you might want to give him a second chance. From here out your trust will probably be shaky, and you may want to prolong the engagement to be sure he isnt doing the same things anymore. One more slip up of the 'xxx picture kind' and I say you walk.

The ball is in your court. One thing is for sure, dont let him turn this on you. If you arent ok with this stuff now, you never will be. It will tear you up in the long run if it continues. So the only option is for the relationship to stop, or his bad behavior to stop. make sure he knows this.

[7CardStud]

Wow, good thing you found out now...

I agree with others, take some time by yourself and think about some things. If you think your better without him or with him, then you know what to do.

 

But did you question him about how long this has been going on?

[lovecrazy]

I am happy for you that you two are working this out.

 

But your boyfriend was still in the wrong for letting her send those pictues. If it were me I could look past it if he saw them deleted them and then asked her not to send anymore. It sounds like to me that she either is just a flirt or has feelings for him, or just loves being the center of attention. Which in my opinon it is she is a flirt and loves to the center of attention.

 

And girls like that are annoying in my book.

 

Your boyfriend should have told you about the pictures. I can see where you lost trust in him. I had a similar problem with my boyfriend. He was still talking to his ex, and I didnt know. And I did what you did and looked in his phone. And I have a problem with trust with alot of people. And I have checked his phone since, because I am scared of getting hurt. It isnt him at all. I have a very bad past with relationships.

 

But you two have been together for along time. And are thinking of getting married you can make the relationship work. It just takes time.

 

My boyfriend and I are fine. I asked him to stop talking to his ex, and she hasnt called. And you know what that gives me more comfort than anything. Knowing that he would stop for me.

 

I wouldnt ask him to stop talking to her, but just ask him to respect you. As much as he loves you. Cause it sounds like they made a mistake. There are things that you can forgive and things that you cant! And if it were me I would forgive this one!

[flowergirl]

Well, time has passed since this all occurred, I have to say thanks again for your responses.... He is still stuck on the fact that I invaded his privacy and I don't understand that him doing that was a joke and that the two of them have joked like that for years. She also said it was their sick, twisted humor but that she agreed it was totally inappropriate. I told her to grow up and told him the same. Anyway, he doesn't even allow me to say he disrespected me because in his book, I got burned because I was up to no good to begin with. Whatever. I am still irritated about all of this. We just got back from Xmas and I am just looking inward to figure some things out. I am sure I will be back soon with more questions to throw out there to the masses.....Its always interesting to see what the majority has to say.

Aloha.

[RayKay]

It does concern me that he seems to be blaming you in all this and not taking any responsibility for his actions. I mean at least SHE apologized and said it was not right to be doing, even if it was a long time thing with them.

 

While yes, you DID indeed snoop, and that should not be condoned, the fact remains his behaviour WAS detrimental and disrespectful to the relationship.

 

When it comes to other issues in the relationship, how does he usually take responsibility? I am curious as to if this is a pattern of sorts with him.

 

I don't know flowergirl, but something seems not quite right about this, in the way he is handling it or rather in the way he is not accepting responsibility. Just because you snooped, it does not excuse his behaviour or the facts. And he needs to recognize this, as this is going to become a major issue of trust, and that causes big problems in many relationships.

[orangecounty]

You have to give this some very serious thought. I would never stand for that behaviour. Just remember, the best way to predict future behaviour is by past behaviour. It sounds like he has something to hide, which in a relationship is completely toxic. There are good respectful guys out there who don't behave in the manner you describe. Value yourself and don't settle.

Best of luck,

Jules

[annieo]

Sorry all this is happening to you. One thing to keep in mind. He says he needs to keep something from you because he needs something that is his alone. Also you are invading his privacy. Ask yourself is there are part of your life you keep secret? My guess is no and that's because when you love someone and are trustworthy you don't need to keep anything secret.

If he has kept this secret from you how will you feel secure that there isn't more?

My husband cheated and in order for me to forgive him (and he did want to be forgiven) he had to live his life as an open book. Nothing was off limits for me to see, look at, check into. He also had to realize that my snooping was a result of his actions. I knew something was wrong in my gut long before I started looking and found the proof.

Nothing about this is your fault. One of the things I think is that if you don't have anything to hide you don't have to hide anything.