I Am So Confused And I Don't Know What To Do Anymore

[mikeyjr123]

Okay, I am 24 years old. I met this girl who is 23 that I really liked in 2003 and dated her for a few months. Well, in early 2004, we had stopped talking because we got into an argument and I kind of told her off, which was all my fault. So in November 2004, I drunk dialed her because I was thinking about her alot, and she was glad she heard from me and we talked for like 5 hours. Well, she told me she had a boyfriend, but I blew it off. She called me everyday, but only saw me once. Well, I got the feeling I was second choice in her book, and I was right. She finally told me that "I like you, but I have a good thing going, and I don't want to screw that up to see what would we be like". So I accepted that, but it was very hard for me, because I was really starting to like her again. And then we stopped talking until about a month ago. She's been calling me like crazy, we've been seeing each other alot, and we mess around. I can see that she has definitely broken up with her boyfriend. Some of my friends say she likes me, and shes willing to give us another shot. But the thing is the other night, she told me "she wanted me, but she doesn't want me", and I asked her what that means, and she said that "I don't want you to get hurt or me to get hurt". She doesn't really trust me and thinks I'm a player, but I am not and I like her so much. I don't know what to do. I don't have problems getting anybody, but I know that she is the "one" for me. I've dated women and I just don't get the chemistry I have with her. We talk and text everyday, and her friends say she likes me, but they say she is scared she'll get screwed over. Any advice on this would really help me. Also, RayKay, if you see this, please comment as well. You always give good advice to people too.

[Day_Walker]

You have to look at the problems that you two have. She doesnt trust you and she is attempting to be cautious. This is causing her to act like she is confused. You are not going to be able to convince this girl to trust you, instead only your actions will show her that she can trust you.

[Venturer]

If I were in that situation, I would not date the women that I've dated before. It ended for a reason, and you're bound to run into the same issue that caused it to end before. Why not start off with a new woman on a clean slate instead of a dirty one?

[PocoDiablo]

I agree with the two above folks. Here is some more things to think about:

 

we had stopped talking because we got into an argument and I kind of told her off, which was all my fault.

Your lack of self-control probably made her see you as a spoiled brat, not a mature man. No matter what was spoken, your actions are likely to blame. Next time, keep calm. Never tell someone off. Think about what is REALLY going on (did you hurt her feelings, disrespect her, etc.?) and address the bigger issue.

 

I drunk dialed her

What an insult to her. Tsk, tsk. Again, a weak position to be coming from. You call up, clearly trashed, not at your best, and try to patch things up? It's hard to be your best when you are sad and drunk!

 

we talked for like 5 hours.

Friendzone.

 

Well, she told me she had a boyfriend, but I blew it off.

That was woman speak for "You cannot date me any more."

 

She called me everyday, but only saw me once.

Actions speak louder than words. You have now officially become a friend who is offering her free therapy. I mean, you're not getting anything out of it, are you? Is she hooking you up with her hottest and nicest friend? No? Oooohhh that's too bad for you.

 

Well, I got the feeling I was second choice in her book, and I was right.

There is no such thing as second place. You either win the race or you don't. She was being nice to you, feeding your ego, making you feel loved, just like a mother would do to her child.

 

She finally told me that "I like you, but

But?

 

She's been calling me like crazy, we've been seeing each other alot, and we mess around.

Ah, okay, NOW things are looking up! Whatever happened, you came from a position of STRENGTH and MATURITY because she is coming back. You have fixed some problems now you must REMAIN strong.

 

I can see that she has definitely broken up with her boyfriend.

How? Are you sure? Did she say so? Don't be the cheater. That is a position of weakness.

 

Some of my friends say she likes me, and shes willing to give us another shot.

Don't listen to your friends, they have no clue. Her actions speak louder than any words, especially friends. While well intentioned, they may be wrong. Besides, she may see you as being indiscreet about her which could affect her reputation. You don't want people to think she is a wh0re do you? Neither does she. It is very important that you keep the details of your relationship to yourself.

 

But the thing is the other night, she told me "she wanted me, but she doesn't want me", and I asked her what that means, and she said that "I don't want you to get hurt or me to get hurt". She doesn't really trust me and thinks I'm a player

Why? Because you've been talking to your friends? If she really liked you, wild horses could not hold her back. Now the bigger problem is that YOU have to prove to HER that you are a good man. It should be the other way around. While she may like you, her interest level in you is probably about 40%. It needs to be 51% or better. She is keeping back and that is a really bad sign.

 

We talk and text everyday, and her friends say she likes me, but they say she is scared she'll get screwed over.

Texting is friendzone. Talking on the PHONE is friendzone. The only thing that could help you is more in person time, and for you to start understanding what you need to do to make yourself more mature. You may want to read this article:

 

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Scroll down to the part where the text turns black, about Doc Love.

 

You may also want to read some of his advice articles, he has lots:

 

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I think you could learn a lot from him and maybe save this.

 

However, personally, I *never* date an ex. It will most likely end because you have already crushed her and she will have a very hard time trusting you.

 

Finally, can I mention one thing? Stop talking about sad subjects, like how you hurt her, all the mistakes in the past, your FEELINGS FOR HER, cars, computers, sex, religion, politics, blood and guts, the weather, etc. You need to flirt with her. You need to evoke her EMOTIONS and make her feel good about being with you. Focus on being challenging, mysterious, fun, and sexy *without* saying it.

 

As mentioned, actions speak louder than words. Stop being so serious. Lighten up. If she's so great, stay away from the friendzone/therapy talk and be a man who she wants to be with. Prove it to her!