Trust and Boundaries

[LiquidCherry]

I have a question and would really like the opinions of others on this one so any input would be great!

 

How important is it in a relationship to be open with everything, specifically with sharing passwords to e-mail accounts, voice mail, etc?

 

What are reasons for and appropriate boundaries for password sharing? Is in necessary or irrelevant?

 

If one person in a relationship doesn't know a password is it because the other is untrusting or has something to hide? And on the flip side if one person does know and feels the need to make use of the password does that mean they are untrusting of their partner or untrustworthy themselves?

 

Any thoughts, opinions or answers?

[ratherbesailing]

liquidcherry -

 

I've been dating the same woman for seven years and I've never once thought to ask her for any passwords and she's never asked me. Neither has offered the other either. We trust each other.

[life4journey]

I think both sides should respect each other's privacy. Only if it's based on mutual agreement that those types of informations can be shared. Otherwise if one or the other feels pressured into giving something that they are not ready for, it'll create an unnecessary stress to the relationship.

[shes2smart]

I don't know my husband's passwords for his message board accounts, his yahoo e-mail, his bank accounts etc. He doesn't know my passwords, either.

 

If either of us has a question about what the other's up to, we ask.

 

When we first got together, he knew my ex-bf had done a lot of stuff (cheating, meeting women online, and so forth) behind my back, so my husband went out of his way to show me what, exactly, he was up to until I was comfortable and secure in the fact that he wasn't up to anything shady. It was HIS choice to share everything at the beginning, and after a few months, I didn't need to see it anymore. I trust him completely, and he trusts me in return.

 

So, now if anything looks amiss to either of us, we ask and it usually gets resolved in a matter of minutes. Because that trust is there, we're comfortable giving each other a rather large degree of privacy.

[melrich]

I agree with the others. Just because you are in a relationship does not mean that you forsake your right to privacy.

 

Don't ask for passwords etc and don't offer to give them away.

[LiquidCherry]

Thank you all very much, I tend to agree with you all and just needed to make sure I was looking at this in the right way.

[conkatliz]

what are you scared of?

[LiquidCherry]

Scared? Nah. Insecure at times but that's just me.

 

I was wondering because I was reading this article called, "How To Tell if Your Boyfriend is Cheating," or something like that. One of the things was if you don't know their e-mail passwords. The author said it meant he had something to hide.

 

Well, I don't know my boyfriends and he doesn't know mine and it just got me thinking. I never really thought of it as a trust issure before and I had a few freak out moments that it could mean doom and gloom for our relationship. But frankly, I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing he knew mine though of course I wouldn't mind knowing his but he'll check his email when I'm around so.. It's just nice to know my original thinking seems to be the consenses.

[RayKay]

Scared? Nah. Insecure at times but that's just me.

 

I was wondering because I was reading this article called, "How To Tell if Your Boyfriend is Cheating," or something like that. One of the things was if you don't know their e-mail passwords. The author said it meant he had something to hide.

 

Well, I don't know my boyfriends and he doesn't know mine and it just got me thinking. I never really thought of it as a trust issure before and I had a few freak out moments that it could mean doom and gloom for our relationship. But frankly, I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing he knew mine though of course I wouldn't mind knowing his but he'll check his email when I'm around so.. It's just nice to know my original thinking seems to be the consenses.

 

I think "if you don't know their email passwords" is a pretty "weak" sign of cheating. Some couples do share this information, some don't, and not because there is something to hide.

 

I don't know, I have no desire to read my boyfriend's emails...they are his friends, it's his privacy. I trust him, respect him, and know that if some girl from his past emailed him, he would tell me, and would be respectful of MY feelings about it. And also have no desire to start something.

 

To me it would be like opening his snail mail, or checking his private bank accounts, or his work voicemail. It just seems...off! If he had mine it would not bother me, I have nothing to hide, but I certainly don't think he wants it or desires it either. And we do live together, so the opportunities are there, we just never would dream of feeling the need to snoop like that!

 

I think feeling you MUST have their passwords is a bigger sign of something wrong with the relationship (ie trust) to begin with.