catholic dilemma

[HDM]

Hey, this is my first post here, but i've been reading the material for awhile now. My girlfriend and i are both freshmen and started dateing last year. After a short break (she needed some time), we are going out again and had our first kiss (very first for us both also). Last night we started making out for the first time (didn't get too far w/ tongue cause her dad interrupted us). When i talked to her later that night, she said that it was "amazing" and said that we should do that again soon. But this morning we started talking and she started going on about how their confirmation class had a speaker come in that talked about chastity and that people should not make out or french kiss because it leads to sex (yes, she's a catholic). I don't agree with it at all (by the way i'm a methidist) so i talked to her about it and basically asked if it was because of her or the church, and i said that if it was because of the church, i don't think we would work out ](*,) . stupid me... so she said that i should treat her like a friend for awhile and not a girlfriend so that she could think about it... i still love her very much and later said that i was sry (we usually talk on IM so it was a message) and now i am not sure what the heck to do. My sister said that she is a bitc* and i should dump her, but i'm not sure. So if anyone else has any experiance with this kind of thing, maybe there is an easy way to show her how wrong the catholic church is, idk. I'm not compleatly sure if i can even hold her hand now because i feel so akward, but i really don't want our relationship to end... help

[cichlid]

I'm Catholic and everything leads to sex according to some people (I was told a kiss was wrong and would lead to sex...lol). What you need to do is tell her that there is nothing wrong with kissing...it is when it gets carried away. She is probably feeling guilty and you should not say that because she feels this way that the Catholic church is wrong. Respect her beliefs and her feelings! The speaker was a bit on the strict side of things. As I have learned you can do just about anything to a certain extent. You can kiss and french kiss without a problem. You can make out so long as there is no feeling up and getting each other excited sexually. When you excite someone sexually then there is a problem because you are getting near the whole occasion of sin. You start lusting after the other and that is the problem. As long as your intentions are good (to show love and not get carried away)...you can french and kiss normally. The lusting and feeling each other up is what is wrong! Not the kissing. Sex before marriage is wrong according the Catholic church...and so is lust. I'm a pretty sane Catholic BTW...pretty faithful to the teachings and not too strict. This whole area of chastity is pretty grey. She needs boundaries and she needs to set them up and ask a priest what he feels are good boundaries.

 

Talk to her about what she feels comfortable with and if you want more then okay...break up with her. DO NOT CONVINCE HER TO GO AGAINST HER RELIGION! The whole point of a relationship should not be based around kissing and making out. If you want to break up with your GF for something so silly as this then that is your choice. Do not try to get her to do something she is not comfortble with. She is feeling guilty and I know just what she is going through!

[PocoDiablo]

Talk to her about what she feels comfortable with and if you want more then okay...break up with her. DO NOT CONVINCE HER TO GO AGAINST HER RELIGION! The whole point of a relationship should not be based around kissing and making out.

I gotta agree with this.

 

If she does not want more, then don't force her. In fact, I would say - from experience - to dump her. If you are ready for a more mature, intimate relationship and she is not, then she is also not the right woman for you!

 

Personally, I don't care what reason/excuse a woman uses. If she does not want to be with me in a way that I am ready for, then she is essentially telling me that we are not right for each other. I can take a hint, and I will dump her and find someone with whom I am compatible.

 

Be a man - take your time, think about things, then make the best decision you can and stick with it!

 

A word of advice - if you do dump her, don't take her back no matter HOW much she begs. It will happen, but then the same issues will come up again and again. The last religious GF I had thought that when we were having sex, and the Loma Preita earthquake of 1989 hit, that was God's way of punishing her for having sex with me. Crazy, but true. Some people will use anything as an excuse.

 

Yes, I can honestly say that when I make love to a woman the earth moves!

[Dating Coach]

I'd say move on. You were doing right to call things off because you two aren't compatable. Also, you should never have apologized for doing what you did because you weren't wrong. It's pretty weak to apologize for something you didn't do wrong.

[ShySoul]

Be her friend. She may feel heavily pressured by her religion, but that doesn't mean she is going to stick with it. Plenty of people rebel against things like that. Let her know that a relationship isn't about kissing, it is about the feelings that people have for each other. It is about how they make each other feel. It is about the connection between them. I've dealt with the overly religious as well and it can be frustrating. But it doesn't mean you should just dismiss things for good.

 

Keep talking to her, and maybe things will change. Don't get your hopes up one way or the other, anything can happen. Just take it slow and let what happens, happen.

[4 Love]

Hello Everyone:

how are you all? This is my first post. I just want to say does LLOVE now a days mean anything? should it not rule over everything in world? Is'nt are live a pusuit of Happiness?

 

I have been in a relationship for the past 3 year, I love every bit of it. That is fine, what is the problem is that he is Catholic and I am muslim. For us we have decided that we both are not fundamentalist about you reglion so we both will keep your religion and raise your kids in both religion and when are kids are old enough they can decided what religion they want. We have a mutal respect for both of our religion.We have decided to just get married at the city, so we are not going to either side holy place.We both don't have a problem.

 

The problem is both of your parents. Both of are parents are old school. His mom want me to convert to catholicism and my mom want him to convert Islam.

My mom say, if he truly loves you, then this way he can prove his love you. Many other men in world have changed their relgion for the women they love.

 

I don't find it fair on any round that someone should have to change faith that they have been raised in since birth. Cause, if they just change faith for someone that is not true acceptance of the faith. The only way that some can truly change faith is wanting to change and embrassing it on themself.

 

I am so hurt from all this and I am lost cause of it. I have even though that i should leave everything and just start a new life. but running away from your problems is not a solution.