Help..called him an Idiot

[mppaul22]

Hi All,

 

first time here. I was talking do my SO about something trivial, but becasue he did not respond the way I hoped in the way of encouragement, I blurted out "you idiot'. He say's I said it twice and asked me why I would say that. I can't describe how bad I feel. I apologized, but he was hurt still, I could tell from his voice (on the phone). We hung up...pleasantly, but I couldn't sleep and wrote a letter explaining my real thoughts abou him. No explanation will justify this...I could just crawl into a hole.

 

How do I get past this for me? I'm ashamed to even talk to him now.

[RescueDiver]

Every one says rash things every now and then. Next time you see him tell him you're very sorry about calling him an idiot, that you don't think of him that way at all. Just be honest and tell him you didn't expect him to say what he did and that it caught you off guard. Ask him to forgive you and if he does... let it go.

[Kimmikazi]

Hun, if calling him an "idiot" is the worst you've done...you're doing very well! Those words aren't even too harsh, they are more like insightful goofy feelings towards something. I call people idiots everyday...and majority of the time..they aren't...explain to him that it was just spur of the moment...If he has a normal mindset, he'll forgive you!!!

[annie24]

Hun, if calling him an "idiot" is the worst you've done...you're doing very well! Those words aren't even too harsh, they are more like insightful goofy feelings towards something. I call people idiots everyday...and majority of the time..they aren't...explain to him that it was just spur of the moment...If he has a normal mindset, he'll forgive you!!!

 

Oh wow - I would not respond well to someone calling me an idiot, even in jest. They could call me a lot of things I'd be fine with (ie, silly, goofy, forgetful), but idiot is quite harsh.

 

You know the saying "even in a joke, there is some of the truth." I'd probably feel that deep down, that person does think I'm an idiot on some level.

 

I would apologize to them, sincerely.

[RayKay]

Yup, I would REALLY tuck your metaphorical tail between your legs and apologize massively, and make sure to NEVER do it again. Find new ways to deal when he is not in agreement with you.

 

I have to disagree with Kimmi, that I would never call anyone I am in an argument with an idiot, least of all someone I loved! Sure, they can get my buttons, but it's about respect to me. If someone called me one, even in anger, I would really wonder what they thought of me.

 

I would hardly call this insightful or goofy, it was a response to her trying to take power back in the disagreement. And I would hope like Annie said people only think of me as goofy and silly, not an idiot!

[DN]

I think that much depends on the context in which it was said and the tone of voice used. I think you can call someone all sorts of things and not have them taken seriously if the person to whom you are saying them knows that you don't mean it to be taken literally. But it is a hazardous thing to do.

 

In this case it seems that you did mean it - at least at the time and so he understandably took offence.

 

You have apologised but I think another would be in order. I think it would be a good idea to emphasise that you have thought about what happened and what you said and really mean the apology - you are not just saying it to appease him but it is a sincere expression of regret.

[Kimmikazi]

I mean, yes, I understand it's not the NICEST thing to say...but I wouldn't quite take it to an extreme and get too into it...an apology is defintely needed, but Come on...it's not that extreme...

 

At least in my eyes...

[Kimmikazi]

I think that much depends on the context in which it was said and the tone of voice used. I think you can call someone all sorts of things and not have them taken seriously if the person to whom you are saying them knows that you don't mean it to be taken literally. But it is a hazardous thing to do.QUOTE]

 

I might have failed to mention...that yes...this is VERY true.....

[mppaul22]

Thank you all for your replies! As I said, I did apologize that night, I followed up with a letter, apoligizing again and asking for his forgiveness. He has called but I've been to ashhamed to talk to him. Maybe this evening, I will have the discussion. I did briefly speak to him last night, but just enough to know he received the letter and to tell him good night as we always do, speaking in his native langauge of Swahili.

[acuraman]

Some people are more sensitive than others. It just happens to be that he is sensitive thats all. You have apologized and thats all you can do. Sometimes we say things by accident and dont think twice about it. We're only human after all.

[DN]

mppaul22 - how are things now?

[mppaul22]

mppaul22 - how are things now?

 

Things are good...as I said I did apologize in person. I went over on Saturday and cooked dinner. He has his MBA classes until 5:30 p.m. and it's about 45 minutes before he gets in. So I started dinner at around 6;15 p.m. so the smell of the roasted rosemary and garlic potatoes would greet him when he came throught the door

 

For some reason, he couldn't explain, he decided to call his home number, not knowing that I was there. I picked up and he said, he was just checking to see if the phone was working, he had some problems earlier in the week. (Later he would tell me he knew the phone was working and something just prompted him to call the number). He asked how long I had been there, I said not long. He said he was close by and would be there shortly.

 

When he walked in from the garage, the smell meet him and he said it smells really good in here, how did you know I would be hungry?

 

The menu was

 

Marinated Lemon and pepper Tilapia

Roasted garlic and rosemeary red potatoes (the little guys)

Green beans with mushrooms and onions in a butter sauce

 

Shiraz wine for him, cabernet sauvangion for me was on the table in front of a bouquet of sun yellow flowers with a sprinkle of iris stalks in the middle (I can't recall the name of them but they were very bright and just what I thought would capture his attention). And of course a fragrant candle danced in the background adding to the elegantly mixing of the warm aromas of my sincere apology.

 

However, Tuesday after the Monday when the mis statement happened, he made a knee jerk reaction and booked a ticket to Germany to visit friends Dec 22 and returning Dec 26th. He wishes he had taken a few more days and not pulled the trigger on that decision, but I think it will be fine...I'm okay that he's taking the trip.

 

We will attend his company's Christmas party tomorrow evening...black tie affair.