carelessness

[starrrr]

Im a college student at a pretty good university..When I first came here I thought it wouldn't be a problem to keep up with my grades and study. It seemed pretty simple enough since all i have to do is study, eat and that's pretty much it. And if i do my work on time then I get to treat myself and go out.

 

But i never did think about the inner struggles that I had to face.......now I am just downhill from here. This week i've had 5 exams and two papers due by friday. All within a period of 4 days...

 

I believe i'm smart, I mean I can understand things. I just need to read the text, prolly several times over and routinely and I should be fine. It all sounds easy, but....

 

Still, I am doing horribly. I never thought it would be this hard to struggly to study and fight the urges to do other things that's not i guess productive...All the things I WANT to do are not what will help me. My major is in the sciences, and I've never liked that subject. It was always my least favorite. Well then I should do somethin else right?? But then i'm studying to be a nurse because it is such a FOR SURE job. And besides I don't know what else to do.....I hate how everything in the world really requires MONEY to live a good life.

 

But now i'm pretty depressed because I don't understand why am I acting like this....CARELESS. It is like i have big goals for myself but I can't seem to accomplish the small ones first to reach my ultimate goals. It's so hard to sit down and study everyday. I just get so stressed and it's the worst feeling every.

 

I'm screwing myself over and I can't seem to stop myself. I've read self help books in the past 3 years trying to get myself out of this situation. It all tells me that it all starts within myself.....

 

It all sounds simple enough, but I can't seem to get that first step to improve myself. Or I do, then regress back to my old ways. I figure I lack MOTIVATION. And i think this has stemmed from my perception of the world. For a large part of my high school days, I did not CARE about a lot of things. It was a sort of way to numb myself so I wouldn't disappoint myself or so I wouldn't face any sort of stress in my life........

 

But life is catching up with me. Life evidently has a plan for me...I am in a good school, have parents paying for me for my tuition, food, and other neccesitiies. I have all the tools I need to succeed, but now I just can't seem to DO the work.

 

I want to change....I want to go back to when I was younger when my grades meant everything to me. When I actually cared about things to motivate me to work.

 

Has anyone before really screwed up with their life with what they had...i.e school, yet was able to make a 180 complete turn around?? If so...how....and how do you deal with yourself? How do i get motivated? How do I get myself out of this slump? I would say i'm just being lazy, but I'm actually a hard working person....I guess it just has to really mean somethin for me first........It's easy to say, "Just stop being Lazy and just get to work!" And i'd ask "How?" And I can jus hear the answer..."JUST DO IT!"

 

I want to care....and i can just hear "IF you really wanted to then you would..." But this is why I am here, i truly believe I have some problem, issues within myself that I don't know quite how to deal with it. I've been wanting to change for soooo long now but it seems i've failed to do so. I've written on my journal for so long and its all about "i wil change, this is what I will do." And I list it all....but...

 

I just seem to get worse myself in a worse situation than I was before.......I've been told before by a good teacher that we need to stop looking at ourselves as VICTIMS. And to just ACT, be proactive and take charge of our lives.....

 

But how do you change ur mind set????? I never did quite understand when i was younger when they say "I am my worst enemy." But it now rings so much truth than ever.

 

Any input, similar stories, advice, anything would really help....thank you in advance....

[RescueDiver]

I had a pretty bad second semester in college, but it wasn't so much that I was being careless (other than taking too few credits and too many of those were extremely difficult classes). Your college should have some sort of development center that may help with tutoring, or counceling that may be able to help you. I would look into that.

There is a school of thought that believes that a "gift" has no real value because you haven't earned it. If your parents are paying your tuition it's really no skin off your nose (in the immediate sense) if you don't do well. However you need to realize that you're screwing up your own future with what you're doing right now. Somehow you're going to have to find a way to motivate yourself because you're an adult now and you have to start taking responsibility for your own actions. It doesn't get any easier once you hit the real world... the consequences simply become greater. You have to start making the conscious effort to STUDY instead of screwing around watching TV, playing video games, hanging out with friends... or whatever else is distracting you. If you can't study at home, go to the library. Get out away from the things that are distracting you. I'm not saying you have to give up all fun and social activities, but you have to have a balance.

[Relationship Coach]

Starrr,

I certainly understand your situation and have a few ideas to causes and solutions. First of all if majoring in sciences and becoming a nurse was easy, everyone would be doing it. Look around, there is a high demand for nurses. You have chosen a career which requires a very serious level of commitment but offers you a great career by helping people and being well compensated for it.

 

Lacking compassion for what you are studying may be part of your problem. You have set your sites on making good money but may have overlooked the condition of the road in which you must travel on to get there. There are a few things working for you that you may be allowing to work against you. Having the financial support of your parents is great but would you take school more seriously if it was your money that you worked hard for?

 

Being in school and out from under your parents watchful eye can give you a chance to develop but then again it can also allow you to develop some unhealthy habits. You for the most part have put yourself in charge of holding yourself accountable for staying focused and you may not know how exactly to accomplish this. Kudos for trying the self-help books but often they stand in the way of getting something done, your school work. If you attacked your school work with the same zeal that you read through the self-help books with, part of your problem would be solved.

 

You need to have someone, whether it is a counselor at school or a upper classman mentor you. Mentors will hold you accountable and keep you focused. You have a choice to make, change majors to something you really want and are excited about or look beyond the hard work realize the rewards are really worth the effort. Motivation? Think of the difference you can make in someone else's life when you are an RN, more than likely you will save the life of someone's child or parent in the near future. Giving the level of care to someone as if they were a family member. Being a vital part of our health care system that spends more time with the patients than any doctor or surgeon.

 

What more do you want starrr, everything you need is in front of you. PM me if you want to discuss more on change.

[Alabama]

It can be rather hard to adjust to the life that College has for you. Yet with practice, you can do it. I found it hard too. For a few months I was extremely tired from all the studying I did. So I developed a routine. I studied for about 50 minutes a subject, take a 10-15 minute break and then begin on the next one. It can be very tiring still, but once you get a routine it becomes easier. The hardest part is to start. Good luck!

[WildChild]

The first thing that struck me is that you are majoring in something that you don't have passion for. Although lengthy, I will tell you my story.

 

When I look back at high school, I excelled in areas that I liked, understood and was interested in. I didn't give school my all and in my senior year my high school counselor told me I would never be accepted into college, basically he called me a dead beat. But I entered college right after high school, and because of financial reasons I had to drop out and move home. I never lost my desire for college and entered again, but because I didn't take it seriously I dropped out again Most of my 20's I worked in jobs that weren't going to take me anywhere. Tired of working these dead end jobs I went back to college at the age of 29 and was scared of failing because of what my counselor said and dropping out twice before. I have always loved law, so I went for legal admin assistant. I set a goal for myself to make the Dean's List one semester in the 2-year course.

 

At that point in life I had a child, my husband was an OTR truck driver gone 2-3 weeks at a time, and a home to manage. Once I started school I worked a part time job on campus, kept a minimum of 12 credits for financial aid (one semester I had 17..ugh!) and was student senate secretary. On top of that I still had to be mom, wife, and keeper of the crypt. But I knew that it was up to me to make my own success to fulfil my dream, and only my drive and efforts were going to make that happen. Although at times I questioned myself and would lose self confidence, staying up late, getting up early and giving up fun things I kept plugging away. I had a fear of tests...I knew my s**t, but I would freeze up during the tests so I joined a group to figure out how to move past this phobia. In my first year, a professor hired me to work at a law firm she was a paralegal at! Yes, my dream was coming true! So I worked part time there too and was pregnant with my second child, selling our home and buying a new home all while my husband was gone OTR.

 

Once it was all said and done 2 1/2 years later, I graduated with honors having made the Dean's List not just one semester (my goal) but every semester, graduated with a GPA of 3.8, and a guaranteed full time job with the law firm. Since graduation I have been called several times from the college to sit on panels for high school students interested in college, and also was asked by the college's legal professors to help lobby against State funding cuts. I saw my high school counselor shortly after college graduation and although I'm sure he didn't remember his horrible comment, I sure did. And proudly told him my success. I now work for another firm and have fulfilled most of my dream. I will some day go back to college, once my boys are grown and get my bachelors and if I could afford to, enter law school to practice law.

 

So with all of that said, what it boils down to is I had finally reached a point in my life I was ready for college and had the passion and drive because law is what I wanted to do. Find your passion, what drives you, what you truly want to do and you will find success not only financially, but in your heart and soul

[mavrick]

Starr, this is exactly the problem I am going through. I was about to post something very similar to this.

You on hand want to be a nurse, i on the other want to be a comp. engineer... and its because of the money and also because i feel there isnt anything much better for my life (i mean no job is good for my life cuz money is needed but life isnt about money -- i know i may be wrong here)... thats why i think i want to be comp. engineer and nothing else will do and also i am not putting in efforts to make it manifest...

[TheRiddler]

I think this is caused by a lack of a WELL THOUGHT-OUT PURPOSE. I find that people in high school were motivated by their parents yelling at them and GIVING them a purpose to study, but as an adult you have to find your OWN PURPOSE. I read in one of John Gray's books the author of, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. That only 10% of university graduates are working in their field of university study. Meaning that the purpose of university is to FIND your "BLISS" a subject you enjoy and love. The money will always be there if you have a job where you put 110% of yourself into it.

 

I myself did well the 1st year and poor the 2nd year of university studies but after taking some time off to think, Im now know what I want in MY LIFE and WILL ACHIEVE IT.

 

P.S. Its getting my accountant's degree and becoming a controller.

[pashmak]

previous posts have mentioned this: the problem is that you're studying a subject you hate. Have you ever said to yourself while you were stuck in some stupid class in high school, "I won't have to take no more of this ____(whatever class) in college", "can't wait to get to college to take more of _____(a class you actually like)"? most people have and that's because the point of college is to study something you actually care about. If you hate the sciences, then why are you in it? what classes did you like in high school? WHAT IS YOUR PASSION?? because whatever your passion is, that's where you'll be successfull. my feeling is that you're only studying to be a nurse because you don't want to take a chance at something else that may not have such a clear future. you want to take the safe way, the sure way, so that way you'll never get disappointed. and this is where you're going wrong. Take a chance. study something you love even if you have no idea what's gonna happen to you in a couple of years. Just go with whatever feels right and learn to HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF. If you study something you love, you'll dedicate 200% of your time and effort to it, and thereforeeee your chances of failure decrease dramatically. on the other hand, if you study something you hate, you won't put much effort into it, and you will ultimately fail. so, really, think about what you are passionate about. If nothing comes to mind, then that's a red flag telling you you need to get out and discover new things.

 

good luck!