philosophy of "in love" vs "loving"

[AC874]

It's times like these, when philosophy of terms and concepts ponder curiosity. You ask yourself the following question;

What is love? What is the difference between "loving" and being "in love" with somebody?

 

Most people confuse real love for "lust". Lust being, as powerful as any addiction... we are all victims of lust.

The term "in love", is largely formulated with feelings of passion and lust. You get so consumed by these feelings, a lot of the stuff you get... but not a lot of what you need.

Then we ask ourselves why 50% of couples divorce in today's world. The truth is, because the term "In love" has been hijacked with societal fascination's of sex, lust, fire, passion, romanticism, constant excitment, physical attraction.... you name it.. it's almost as if we feel incomplete without any of these distractions.

 

Isn't love about accepting your partner, and accepting his/her flaws. Isn't love about loyalty?.. and the constant desire to share your life with somebody else? Is it not about cherishing? Is it not about commitment and honor? Is it not eternal and unconditional? Or is it about self-gratification?

 

I guess the NT says it best

 

" If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

1 Corinthians 13: 4-13

 

After reading this, I ask people again.... what is your defintion of "LOVE"?

It's safe bet... that 50% of respondents could not even answer?

Peace.

[Skippy]

RRRRREEEESSSPPPEEEECCTT

 

i believe in that. unfortunately the more then 50% doesnt or have no idea.

[TheLegend]

I have found something on the internet before, and I want to share it with you..

 

 

For all you people who say "I love you" when you have no clue what

exactly

love is !!! Something to ponder upon.....

 

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught

within

your chest??

-It isn't love, it's LIKE.

 

You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right??

-It isn't love, it's LUST.

 

Are you proud, and eager to show them off??

-It isn't love, it's LUCK.

 

Do you want them because you know they're there??

-It isn't love, it's LONELINESS.

 

Are you there because it's what everyone wants??

-It isn't love, it'S LOYALTY.

 

Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand??

-It isn't love, it's LOW CONFIDENCE.

 

Do you stay for their confessions of love, because you\don't want to

hurt

them??

-It isn't love, it's PITY.

 

Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a

beat??

-It isn't love, it's INFATUATION.

 

Do you pardon their faults because you care about them??

-It isn't love, it's FRIENDSHIP.

 

Do you tell them every day they are the only one you think of??

-It isn't love, it's a LIE.

 

Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake??

-It isn't love, it's CHARITY.

 

Does your heart ache and break when they're sad??

-Then it's LOVE.

 

Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong??

-Then it's LOVE.

 

Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it

hurts??

-Then it's LOVE.

 

Do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and

relation

pulls you close and holds you there??

-Then it's LOVE.

 

Do you accept their faults because they're a part of who they are??

-Then it's LOVE.

Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without

regret??

-Then it's LOVE.

 

Would you give them your heart, your life, your death??

-Then it's LOVE.

 

Now, if love is painful, and tortures us so, why do we love? Why is it

all

we search for in life? This pain, this agony? Why is it all we long

for?

This torture, this powerful death of self? Why? The answer is so simple

cause it's...LOVE. It is such an addictive thing that even people who

are

not having it wish to experience it and share it with others as well.

[darkblue]

Lust is commonly associated with Love.

I don't agree that lust is an 'addiction', as you put it.

It is an instinct. It is also incorporated into love.

If you did not have any physical attraction for your partner - it can't be love.

 

It also has connotations with immaturity, which puts people off using the word. When, in reality, there is nothing wrong with lust.

[Mun]

My definition of love is simple nowadays: If they are there for you when you are sick then that is love.

 

 

~"The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted, uncared for and deserted by everybody."

-Mother Teresa

[Hope75]

Aren't LIKE, LUST, LOYALTY, FRIENDSHIP, and INFATUATION all parts of love?

[darkblue]

Aren't LIKE, LUST, LOYALTY, FRIENDSHIP, and INFATUATION all parts of love?

Yes!

But Lust is commonly mistaken for love.

I believe the OP is trying to get the point accross that nowadays, few people actually know when they love someone - that it's mostly lust.

And that is the reason there is such a high divorce rate.

[AC874]

Lust never lasts.

 

Seriously... married couple lose their passionate lust for eachother, once a certain comfort is built.

 

Most people cant accept that, hence why adultery is more common than not.

[kellbell]

I have always felt that love is....

 

Not the person you can live WITH, it's the person you can't live WITHOUT. That's my take on love and being in a partnership.

[darkblue]

AC874, I do not agree that lust never lasts.

Of course, that depends on your definition of lust.

 

I believe it is possible to keep a spark in the marriage/relationship to stop that flame of lust being extinguished.

[AC874]

Very rarely does it last forever.

 

What is the rate of adultery in the Western World? WHy do 50% of couples divorce?

 

At some point, you grow old. At some point, the excitment and butterflies die. At some point, the "novelty" wears off.

 

The trap is, people who believe in the concept of being "in love" with another person, is sometimes largely based on lust. When the lust fades.. thats when crap starts to unfold.

 

How many couples are sexually content once they reach their 40's/50's/ and even 60's?

[darkblue]

Libdo decreases as you get older - but that is not the point.

 

It is up to the couple to keep things exciting.

The only 'trap' that I see people falling into; is getting too comfortable.

I don't believe it is accurate to say that most marriages are founded on lust - thereforeeee, the divorce rate is high.

That would be a rationalization of a deeper issue.

[Lil Punkin]

Being "IN LOVE"....

 

Usually lasts the first year..or less...

The butterflies, the anticipation, the rendevous to little hotels...the getting to know each other phase. Lets face it..most people starting to date, attempt to put on their best "face" till at least the third or fourth month..this is when we start seeing little parts of their personality we may not like so much. You may find that they are lazy, unmotivated, slobs, bad manners, maybe they are extremely jealous or possessive. WOW..why didn't we see this before?? Because you were to blinded by being "IN LOVE"....to notice before!!

 

Now LOVE....is wanting to be there when your NOT so sexy partner is having surgery and you want to be there when they wake up.

 

It's knowing your partner is NOT perfect but you love them AND their imperfections anyway.

 

It's doing something you may NOT want to do..but you do it anyway because you know it's something your partner loves and will make them happy.

 

LOVE is not selfish.

LOVE is non judgemental

REAL LOVE endures....through the good times..AND the bad times.

[melrich]

What is the rate of adultery in the Western World? WHy do 50% of couples divorce?

 

There are many, many reasons people divorce. It is not all about adultery, lust or lack of sex.

 

The oft quoted 50% divorce rate figure is very misleading also. The divorce rate on first marriages is far lower and it is only when you factor 2nd, 3rd and 4th marriages that the figure pushes toward 50%.

 

So in reality more people actually stay together than separate.

[darkblue]

Being "IN LOVE"....

 

Usually lasts the first year..or less...

The butterflies, the anticipation, the rendevous to little hotels...the getting to know each other phase

 

I would not necessarily agree that this is the stage of being 'in love'.

This, to me, would be the 'honeymoon phase'. The curiosity, electricity and passion.

It does not mean that after this initial period - things go downhill.

It depends on the couple on how things go after that.

 

If anyone is saying that this period should last forever, in all relationships, they would be naive.

If anyone is saying that marriage failure is due to the end of this phase - I disagree.

[moondog627]

You nailed it Darkblue. Thing is most people need to have experience to understand that.