Confused.. Want to win her back.. how can I

[Rev_Limit]

I met this wonderful girl back just 4 1/2 months ago.. We met during my grandfathers funeral.. I somehow fell in love with her.. we shared tears from the start.. along the way we got together and built a relationship, her mother on the other side didnt like me at all because of my past history she heard about, I was quite the bad kid back then.. but thats all over now, so the months gone through.. we worked hard had many good memories together.. and then now she ends up breaking up with me, saying we should just be friends.. she says no matter what I do I cannot get her mom to like me.. and those words just hurts me, In a way I felt like it was my fault that I havent been trying hard enough to get her mom to like me more, I just ignore it because she ignored it too.. I was really serious about the relationship I think thats what kinda turn her off and left me..

 

about 2 weeks has pasted since she left me,I return all the gifts and everything that reminded me of her.. so I wont look back to them and sit here and cry about it.. Im still sad in a way but I have accepted the fact that we aint together anymore.. She wants to be friends still.. we talked on MSN messenger here and there and enjoy smiles there.. she still says she loves me on there but only as a friend,

 

I want to heal my pain so I wanted to go back home to Alaska(Im currently in Wisconsin - living with my grandmother).. but then I thought to myself.. If i just run away from all my troubles and never facing them .. how can I ever be happy.. She tolded me that I can still visit her.. we can still talk on the phone.. yesterday I talked to her on the phone.. not for long just a lil bit.. I told her I didnt want to waste anymore of her time so i just hung up because I could feel the pain.. Later on she told me that she was hurt because I didnt want to talk to her..

 

When I look into her eyes I can still see a part of me there.. I still see a lil love left inside of her.. I was wondering if I can build that love back again.. take my time to build the love.. HOw can I win her back.. I want to win her back slowly.. even if it takes me many years I'm willing to do it because she meant alot to me.. I'm still willing to try until I kno that there is no hope left.. Should I go back to Alaska and forget and move on.. or Should I stay and try to build the love that was once there again.. ??

 

In confusion I ask for help.. any advice anything I can do to win her back I will try.. at least it wont hurt to try.. thanks

[heloladies21]

She's using her mom as an excuse, it's not the real reason for the break up. She got confused and can't explain why, but she has to tell you something.

 

One thing for sure is never become her friend. It won't bring her back and just end up making her feel better about the break up (not so guilty) while you feel terrible.

 

Do this, go into No Contact and plan on moving on. If she changes her mind she'll let you know, but she's going to have to change your mind as well and convince you that she deserves another chance because she's the one who broke it off.

[kellbell]

Hi there and Welcome!

 

I am so sorry about your break-up but there is nothing you can do to win her back. There is a such thing called "free-will." She needs to be willing to work things out. The feeling must be mutual. All other attempts will be done in vain. She wanted you as a friend to ease the guilt of breaking up with you and I am sure she still cares and wanted to be sure you will be ok.

 

Until she calls you up or tells you to your face, "I want to give things another shot, I really miss you and I want to work things out," then she's not looking to get back together with you. I am so sorry to tell you this but this is something she has to want to do on her end. If moving back to Alaska is something you feel like doing, then I would consider it. I don't think you would be running away from anything, I think your ex made it clear what she wants out this. Hugs to you and take care.

[Beec]

OK, I disagree with kellbell, after I just agreed with her in another thread.

 

There are thigns you can do, but you need to address how she feels. The only way you can do it is by getting ehr to want to do it. This is not easy, far from it, but it is possible.

 

Truthfully, I have told this to a number of people, and only a few have been able to pull it off and keep things going. Some have been able to do it for a short time, then once they get the person back, feel like they have worked so hard at doing so, the toher person now must work hard. And that leads right to the end, because the other person really did not see the work.

 

I sent you a pm.

[kellbell]

LOL Beec, I almost feel out of my chair reading that other post. I don't disagree that people can get back together but if my opinion, it has to be a mutual thing. Both partners have to want to work it out together, not try "win" the other back. And from what he wrote in his post, I don't see an effort on her part.

[Rev_Limit]

She has told me that she wants to be friends and if the feelings come back again then shes more than willing to get back together.. this is my hope.. Lately I been chasing after her.. beggin for her back.. and I knew this was a mistake because it made me seem weak to her.. so I stop contacting her.. and I accepted what is going on.. its just if theres a way to get her back Im willing to take it..

 

Now I want to show her I can be strong.. and I thank you all for the advice.. I don't know if I shall be friends with her or not.. When I look at it.. at this moment i can control my emotions for her.. There is this feeling that I dont want her back.. yet I do in a way.. keep them up.. thanks..

 

Its like.. if shes gone then shes gone.. but wat if I can try to bring her back yet keep myself in a healthy situation..

[Mun]

Eliminate the problem. Go talk to mom and let her know that you love her daughter and would never hurt her, that you made mistakes in your past but she's the best thing that's ever happened to you...show her you mean what you say....etc. Get her to be on your side.You get the picture.

 

If mom is on your side then she has no reason to leave you. Right?

 

Of course if this is only an excuse on your girlfriends part, and there are other issues here, then those issues will reveal themselves and you will know what you are REALLY facing.

[Beec]

I would, in his shoes, go and talk to Mom. But I would not take the apporach Mun suggests. I'd somehow want to end up with her and her Mom and have her leave us for a little while. Then I'd get on a topic about something that allowed me to shift the conversation toward my past behavior and how I regretted it. Something like talking to her about some recnet news of a teenager (someone younger than you) doing soemthing really stupid and somewhat criminal. I'd talk about it for a minute and then make a comment about how I did some stupid things in my past, but was glad it was nothing that stupid. Then I would make a comment about how it takes work to get that stuff behind you, and sometimes you might never get it behind you, then I would leave it at that. First conversation over.

 

You are going to show her mother something she does not expect to see by this. Then you would need for a chance to show her what a good guy you are, but that's next.

 

And yes, you know I can think about stuff like this and try to manipulate a little. If the original poster was not a good guy, I'd hope he did not do this stuff. If he was honest and wanted a shot, then by all means, show her something she does not expect.

[Mun]

I was going to include this in my post, but didn't.

Why I think this could work.

 

I once dated an ex-bad boy/player type that my mother --who is very critical of people--ended up treating as a son. Why? She saw how great he was towards my kids--who she absolutely loves. No matter what she could have found out about him it didn't matter because he had won her over already.

 

I wish you the same luck.

[Rev_Limit]

Approach the mother.. When would be the best time to do so.. how can I build a friendship with the mother?? how Can I get a conversation started??..

 

again thanks for helping out..

[Mun]

Post #8 has some good suggestions on how to get that conversation started with mom. Try it.

[Rev_Limit]

okay so today i talked to her.. and we decided to get rid of the past.. and start out as friends.. a new friendship.. and maybe i can find a way how to build her love for me back.. cuz I kno deep down inside of her im still in there a lil bit.. Im going to win her back slowly and I hope Im not going down the wrong way.. there is a Dance coming up this weekend and she saided she would go as my date.. so I guess we pretending the past never happened and we gonna take this time to get to know each other again..

 

I pray for the best.. and In hope to win her heart back I will keep on trying.. thanks for all your help.. I will keep a diary in here about trying to win her back.. I must take it slow yes.. even if it hurts a lil.. as long as I kno there is hope I will keep on trying.. Thanks for helping .. Im going to focus on the mother.. make her like me.. and I will focus on her also.. to win her heart back..

[Mun]

Just some suggestions: show her a good time and enjoy yourself with her, but don't bring up anything about the relationship (for now) or tell her you want her back, you can't live without her... etc. Really, honestly make this a fresh start and just have some fun together...good luck !

[kellbell]

Hey Rev!

 

Glad to see you were able to talk to her. I am not one for second chances(personal reasons I guess) but I am sucker for happy endings. Thank you for the update and keep us informed. Take care.

[Rev_Limit]

well.. last night ii kinda ruined it.. we went to her friend's concert..we had fun during the concert.. I kept all the feelings inside.. and held on.. showed her a fun time.. and then on the ride home.. I ruined it.. I talked to her about the relationship.. i felt it wasnt such a good idea but my heart took over me.. and I went on pleading agian.. and I dont kno why i even brought up.. i feel like i ruined it for myself..but.. she is still willing to go with me this saturday to this dance.. i guess this time I will show her a good time and not bring up anything at all.. i just have to do it.. even if it hurts.. i must hold all the feelings back.. i have to admit its a easier saided then done.. but I believe I can win her back and so I must try.. okay today i was thinking about going to visit her.. and bring her some flowers.. just go and drop by to say hi for 30 mins and leave... i wanted to apologize to her about last night also.. im not sure this is a good idea at all.. but from what I think I should just drop on by ... tell her Im sorry for bringing up the relationship last night.. the reason I feel this is a must I have to do is because I want to show her that she was really helping me by allowing me to talk to her.. and that she shouldnt feel bad.. I need to show her I can be strong.. because last night I felt weak..

 

did I ruined it for myself.. ?? is going tonight to see her a good idea?? im at a very confused state right now.. its driving me crazy.. =(

 

and thanks once again for the tips..Im not sure I can win her back at all.. but I want to try..I kno the chances of failing is high..... but im just not willing to give up yet.. from now on I will do everything correctly.. take things slowly.. see how it turns out.. wish me the best of luck..

[Rev_Limit]

Just some suggestions: show her a good time and enjoy yourself with her, but don't bring up anything about the relationship (for now) or tell her you want her back, you can't live without her... etc. Really, honestly make this a fresh start and just have some fun together...good luck !

 

thanks I will take your word for it..

[Rev_Limit]

well.. this is what im thinking as of now..

 

be friends with her.. show her I can still be there for her.. and that im a fun person to be around with.. and not bringing the past back anymore..

yet.. at the same time enjoy my life away from her also.. meaning giving myself the chance to meet other people..and doing other things.. im thinking focus on winning her back.. yet giving myself a chance to start over new.. i kno im in such a big confuse moment as of now.. but I think this is the best way to increase the chances of winning her back.. who knows maybe I'll move on along the way also.. i just had to get that off my mind.. without this site I dont kno who I would express my thoughts to.. thanks.. alot..

[Rev_Limit]

Okay nevermind.. Im thinking its better off if I just stay home and not visit her till this weekend.. when I go to this dance with her.. I just feel its best if I leave her alone.. instead of running back and forth apologizing..

 

sorry if i sound desperate.. its just maybe I am.. I just gotta stay strong.. thanks for all the support..

[chaos]

Sounds to me like seeing her is causing you more pain than less. You can't make her love you. Ultimately all you can really do is wait for her to come to you, should she decide to. Keep in contact if you feel you have to, but don't initiate it. Let her call you, let her ask you to do things. Ideally, you would break all contact and not talk to her unless she comes to you wanting to work things out. But, everyone has to realize when the time for No Contact is for themselves. One way or another, everything will work out.

[Mun]

I know this is hard for you, but you need to relax... take some deep breaths. Don't go running to her to apologize over and over --just let it be. She knows you're sorry, that you messed up.

 

Try and have some confidence here, if she is still going out with you then you have to make an effort to believe that she wants to be around you. Just believe it and don't thank her for the opportunity, it makes you look pathetic--something you don't want.

 

Remember when you were first dating her? What were you like back then? You need to be that way now, that's what got her hooked on you. Right?

 

Be confident, we love that and we can't resist it... it's the reason most women fall for "bad boys", they have confidence coming out of their ears. :sigh:

[Rev_Limit]

tonight was great.. i shared a great time with her... I didnt bring back the past watsoever.. today ii thought I wouldnt make it but I did.. we hanged out all day...

 

Instead of going to that dance we were looking forward to.. we decided to stay in because of the snow.. and so we just hanged out... maded dinner together.. there was a lot of eye contact.. and smiles.. I stayed my distance.. held my hurt in ..and enjoyed the time.... she had a great time and so did I .. we had the longest goodbye hug we ever had in so many months.. im really feeling that if i keep on showing her a good time.. i might be able to make it happen..

 

I talked to the mom.. showed her I care.. and show her that I can be a fun person to be with.. and so the night was good.. and I thank everyone for their tips.. I'll see how the next time goes.. thank you all..

[Rev_Limit]

she invited me to visit her this thursday... should I bring flowers?? just to say hi.. or nothing at all just show up normal.. i think flowers would make her feel special..

 

I need advice from the ladies.. if you were expecting a guy to show up at your doorsteps.. and if he shows up with flowers would it be more lets say on the better side.. or would it be like.. wow hes trying really hard.. or would it be the thought that counts type of feeling.. I dont kno where im really going with this questions.. lol=D ..What im trying to say is.. would it be better to show up with flowers as a gift.. something to say hey I care..

 

just any tips would work.. thanks.. apprecaite it.. =D

[Mun]

Personally, I don't think it's time for flowers yet. Bring something else, like a bottle of wine, something you can enjoy together... bring a movie...you get the idea.

 

But yes, you should bring something when visiting someone's house...it's a nice gesture.

 

That's your etiquette lesson for today...lol

[Beec]

If I brought flowers, they would be given to her mother, right now.

 

I think wine, or some other drink or food would be the thing. Nothing big, nothing really expensive. You'd be better off spending a little money and getting something that fits them better. For example, I know a woman who loves quince paste. I am better off bringing a jar for less than $10, than if I brought a huge gift basket.

[Mun]

If I brought flowers, they would be given to her mother, right now.

 

Beec, you are just wayyy too smooth.

 

Good idea though

 

Mun