Feeling so damn lonely...

[antigravity]

How does someone get over feeling lonely? I've got plenty of friends, a fairly supportive family, yet it doesn't matter where I am, if I'm in company or alone, I ALWAYS feel lonely, and I hate it.

 

Normally when someone feels lonely, it's because they ARE alone, or don't have many friends etc.. But there is nothing that can make me feel better. I feel lonely when I'm by myself, so I look forward to having company. Then when Im in company, I still feel lonely and want to go somewhere else.

 

What can I do?? Why do I feel so lonely? Is this a side effect of my relationship breaking up 3mths ago? Even though I feel fine about it?

 

I remember before I got into that relationship (5 years ago), I felt exactly the same. Incredibly lonely... I felt fine at the start of the relationship, but the last few years, I felt lonely, even with a loving partner. I just can't seem to shake this loneliness.

 

The other day, I was driving along listening to some music, and just wanted to ball my eyes out. For no reason what so ever. I had tears running down my face, because I'm so tired of feeling lonely. I want to enjoy life.....

[kellbell]

Hi Anti!

 

So sorry you are feeling lonely. But it is possible to feel lonely and not be alone. You can have people all around you all the time and still feel lonely. I have always felt that lonliness comes from others not knowing or understanding how you are feeling. That you feel like you are the only one going through something and others cannot connect with you and your needs are not being met, so you feel lonely. I mean I guess you can feel alone-ness when that happens but I always felt that lonilness and alone-ness were different.

 

It's ok to cry. It's ok to feel mad. But those feelings of lonliness will go away with time and when someone comes along and connects with you. It sounds like you have yet to discover things in your life, you are still on a journey towards something, and that there is something great waiting for you in the end. Take care and I hope you feel better real soon.

[registered]

Hey antigravity

 

I too know how bad being lonely makes you feel, and sometimes just cry, and I just can't help it.

 

The thing that makes me feel less lonely though is thinking about the great things people do for me...the little things that are just so thoughtful.

For example, one time I was feeling so bad, and someone asked me "how are you? are you ok?"...they later said "have a good day, ok?" something as small as that brought tears to my eyes because it made me feel so good.

 

It isn't unusual to feel alone even though you aren't actually alone.

 

Maybe you feel alone not because of the people (I think that potentially you won't feel alone around the same people), but because of yourself, your feelings?

I guess that your loneliness is just a general feeling of discontent, not being able to enjoy things and feel a connection with other people?

This could have to do with how you were feeling before you had the chance to feel lonely, before you had their company.

 

What I mean is that if things aren't generally happy in other parts of your life you won't be able to enjoy other things, such as socialising.

Your breakup may be one such thing, even though it doesn't seem that way.

 

Maybe you could make an attempt to discover what is making you feel down? This is a hard thing to do, but maybe you will be able to identify some things.

Once you are aware of them, you will be able to change them.

Once you are feeling great about life in general you will also feel great about the more specific things like socialising.

 

I battle the same sort of paradox...I want company, but when I have it I don't enjoy it. Talk about cruel!

One thing you can do that will make things better is try and prevent that longing for company. Try and enjoy your alone time. Make it something isolated from your social time, where you don't think about the social time.

Let your alone time be a chance to enjoy the things in life that you can only do alone, and maybe try new things also. Just make the most of this time and try to get the most out of life.

I am not saying to increase the amount of alone time you have! (unless that makes you feel better) I just mean, try and separate them more, basically through distraction...distraction will turn into enjoyment, enjoyment into habit, and habit will turn into contentment.

 

Also, things feel hopeless when you are down...but they never are. You will feel better again.

 

Take care.

[lillady898]

I know what you mean.

 

I've recently moved nine hours away from my hometown (a few months ago). I'm away from all of my family and old friends. I've met new friends, of course, but I just don't understand them. The friendships feel kind of forced and superficial.

 

On the weekends I'm stuck hanging around with my hockey team (we have a lot of road trips together for hockey), and where there's hockey, there's usually alcohol. That's just not me. I don't drink anymore. I don't like the parties. So, unless we're out on the ice, I have no idea where I fit in with these girls who I spend so much time with. Weekends especially get pretty lonely.

 

There's only one person up here I don't feel that lonliness with. He understands me, listens to me, is there for me. We have amazing conversations about everything from music to politics. It's going to be terrible when he leaves next month (he graduates)- but I know eventually I'll find someone who I feel that peace with again.

 

You will, too. So no worries. Everything will fall into place.

[Dako]

Find what situations make you feel better or worse.

 

I always feel more lonely in a crowd, in a big store or watching TV, since these situation make me feel like a sheep being herded along.

I feel less lonely by myself on the beach, reading a good book or hiking in the woods or desert. One way I deal with loneliness is to keep moving. I go out the door and keep moving until it's time for bed.

[zippitt]

I have been going to the doctor for depression. If you are lonely or have the blues for no reason I would seek out a doctor and discuss it. Everyone is alone, we are born that way and die that way. Some people really feel it because of depression. I have had mild depression all my life, but only recently realized it and started seeking help. You don't have to feel lonely when you are not.

[ShySoul]

antigravity - I get the same way. Even when I am with someone I know loves and cares about me, I've gotten sad, depressed, and lonely. I've felt like crying at crazy times, and if I'm alone I sometimes do just break down.

 

When you are with company, could it be that they remind you of what you don't have otherwise? Like you visit relatives and family and think to yourself that you will never have a family like that. Or you are out with people having fun, and it hits you that you may never get to experience something like that again, which sombers you. That's how I feel sometimes, maybe you feel something similar.

 

If I remember correctly, there were some problems in the relationship. Thus you feeling lonely then was because what was going on. I don't believe that girl was helpful in a lot of ways and that made you feel worse.

 

I really hope you feel better. And you know that I'm here if you want to talk.

[Liquid Dream]

I know how you feel, I haven't had any friendw for two years, I cry alot,

but it makes me stronger I guess, I've had a really good boyfriend, for a year now,

and I still get lonely but everyday, I pray to find someone special enough to connect with me,

someday I will, and so will you

[Altruist]

I get the same feeling too recently so you are not alone.

[Real Soul]

antigravity-

Sorry for what you're going through. I know what it means to be "alone in a crowd". For the longest time I sought out Existentialism as my outlet. Sort of like Forrest Gump, I just became whatever my surroundings (people) dictated. It worked for a while, but it began to feel plastic and I had a hard time then feeling substantial and real. The best psychology could offer is this sort of "live for the moment" kind of philosophy. It's why I think sports are so big right now; you can become part of something bigger than yourself, which feels good.

 

I think noticing that I wanted something bigger than myself began to point me to God. I'm not sure where you line up in a discussion on religion, but I'd check out what Jesus said about coming to give us the abundant life we were created for. A life of intimacy with friends and, most importantly, with God. I've found this to be what satisfies my deepest longing and makes me feel very substantial and solid. Life is not transparent anymore and I don't feel like a ghost. Jesus said that he is life and light and I have found him to be no liar.

 

Peace on your journey.