Online dating - a bad deal

[montanaembassy]

Folks,

I've come to the conclusion that online dating is a waste of time, money, and self-respect. I can't help but imagine that all but a few postings are arranged by the dating service to make you think there are a lot of women who might respond.

 

I posted an ad for about a year and got just one response - from a woman who said she made a mistake. While I'm no movie star, I'm not a basket case either; not obese, have a Ph.D. and a well-paying, interesting career, and excellent financial position.

I'm definitely not alone. I know others who have tried online dating and/or dating services and found them to be a monumental waste of time, money, and spirit.

My advice is for men to seek women out the old-fashioned way, in churches, at work (carefully), and in organizations. Online dating is evil, degrading, and damaging to one's self worth, but great if you love to fuel your self-pity with rejection.

While the bar isn't a great choice, it's still orders of magnitude better than the computer. Do yourself and your computer a favor - leave it to crunching numbers and words.

[S4il]

Insight....Boss at work just got married to a girl he meet on a online dating Web-Site.......Give ya' something to think about.

 

Then again he only makes salary which is at Underwriters laboratories Q.A. in charge of direct Over Sea's Shipments of UL labels. so he most likely makes around 60-70 thousand a year. that might be a clue.

[kdreger]

Online dating is the biggest fad going right now.

 

The problem is that most of the people using online dating use it because:

 

1) They're not ready to face real people - TONS of people use online dating as mechanism to deal with their existing relationship. Every girl I met online was messed up. One complained about her ex ALL THE TIME. One was bipolar and had been in an abusive relationship... nuff said. One was so clingy she jumped me on the first date (not horrible but she outside of the bedroom she was just plain annoying). One was so aggressive it actually scared me - a guy!

 

2) They're incapable of meeting people the old fashioned way and won't learn. There's a reason why you use online services. Either you don't know how to meet people normally or you're impatient (read: hard up).

 

3) Mostly men use these online services. You want to test this rule. Use something like Lavalife and create an woman's account in intimate encounters account. Next: describe yourself as attractive with a high sex drive. You won't be able to log in ONCE without being attacked by instant messages...

 

Online dating services are poping up everywhere and it's pathetic because it's the same dozen people on every service.

 

Trust me. Meet women the old fashioned way - in person. You can assess their attractiveness and their intelligence while meeting them somewhere where you have something in common. Online dating is a facade.

[faeriechyld]

kdreger

 

Hey I did that, although I am a woman, I posted an ad mainly as a joke to see who would respond. My ad consisted of a request for a purely physical relationship and boy were the responses overwhelming. Half of the guys were married and just wanted something "on the side." So yes, your theory is true. And online dating is a sham. People only respond to you if you have a picture(as a friend of mine also posted an ad minus a picture and less provacative than mine and got no response) and they don't seem to know what they want, which is probably why they look for people online, to try to figure out through millions of ads what it is they want in a significant other. I totally agree that online dating is a sad and pitiful way to find someone. But hey, more power to the boss man. I guess there are some successes, few and far between.

[Smokeycat]

I agree with the dating services online and that the people who use them don't have much self respect. But I found love in a chat room. This guy lives about 2 hours away from me, his brother (who's house he can stay at to visit me) is only 30 min away from where I live. I can call him on a cell phone and we write each other everyday through e-mail and on msn messenger. I meet him on weekends since he's a college freshman and stays in his dorm during the week. We're the same age, have many things in common, and connect with each other very well. It may just be b/c I'm on the rebound after a serious relationship but I think I'm falling in love with him. So...to an extenet...online dating is very ignorant. But if you're lucky you may find someone who can change your life and bring you total happiness.

[mikej_8080]

Yeah there are a lot more men than women when it comes to online dating. And yeah there are plenty of losers. But having said that, you can still be successful using one of the many services out there.

 

Figure 9 out of 10 are going to be losers. Well that still leaves 1 out of 10. It's all about percentages ;-) Be patient, if you get a bunch of responses to your profile and you are sick of it, make your profile invisible and just send messages to people that YOU want to talk to.

[Jennyve21]

Well, before my boyfriend and I got serious, he had quite a few replies to an on line dating service. Not only that I met him from the internet and we are probably going to end up married with kids. So, I dont think it's that evil and degenerative. Mabye for discusting perverts who try to lure young girls into prostitution and what not. But for the sake of meeting new people I think its awesome. Well bye.

[Scout]

I've had no success with online dating, and I am staying away from it from now on. Yeah, it's hard to meet people the old fashioned way, but that's ultimately where I want to meet someone.

 

My impression of online dating is that it's the fast food equivalent of meeting people. Yeah, you can quickly start emailing/chatting with a lot of people, but they're usually not the highest quality people.

[aguilela]

i understand your point but u know in this world everything is just like gamble u know? even if u meet some people in real life, sometimes is mystified...we are not sure everything....but always bad thing is remarkble to see it cuz it is bad...good thing is always silent cuz it is good people love to talk about bad thing...may be tha't why it can be seen so easy and look so bad...don't b too angry...everythng is same...and online is much easier than real life cuz we can creat ourselves...

[gex08]

I totally agree.I`ve had nothing but tremendously horrible experiences online dating.There are maybe 1% decent men,and even with them how likely is it that there will be any "sparks"?and trust me,the overwhelming majority of men on these sites are,to put it mildly,at least a little bit screwed up in one way or another.(as for the women,well,I imagine most either have some kind of problem,maybe bad personality or lack of social savoir faire-either that,or hard up-I admit I was!)You wouldn`t believe the bizarre online dating experiences I`ve had-(e-mail me if you want to know more-I`ve saved most of my conversations,also I could tell you about the actual dates.)You get to care about someone,and then find out that person isn`t real-there is no such person,it`s a persona.Yes,it can be hard to find romance in the real world-but trust me,you stand a much better chance than in the cyber world-after all,people have been doing it for millions of years!Now when I think about it,it seems so sleazy-putting my picture up,"selling" myself-like an escort service or worse...Save your money-and save yourself a lot of pain....just had to vent!I`m going thru this right now...

[whatfor]

I just wanted to say.. online dating didnt suck for me... Well it wasnt exactly dating. I met my bf in a chat room.. we werent looking for anything, but we just seemed interesting for each other, we became online friends and then we became a couple (we have met of course, so not online couple now).

I know my friend who cant find a partner in real life so he also tried online dating and it didnt work for him. But id say - You will find when you are not looking.

good luck

[cleverme123]

I met and married someone I met online. I am not a basketcase but he was a different person once he got me. He now is controlling, obsessed with sex and women and who knows what else, online dating can be a good thing but it can be very very bad.

[RayKay]

It works for some....

 

 

I met an ex online, we dated 1.5 years and while it ended we are good friends.

 

I met my live-in boyfriend online...we actually have some friends in common and "could" have bumped into one another at a few bike races (we both race) but never actually did...so it was like the final thing to bring us together. I am THRILLED thereforeeee we met online, as things are fantastic between us and we love one another to bits and are in it for the long term. And to boot we are both quite sane and normal people...but we are each other's prodigal "One's".

 

The key to online though is patience, and not building up too high expectations. It is a game of numbers, people tend to be more shallow on the online dating (men just as much as women from my experience) and you really need to find the right site for you...different ones seems to attract different people. Write a great profile, be honest, have current pics, and not just head shots...show them doing stuff you love (my partner got interested in me as apparently many girls ideas of "outdoorsy" is rollerblading in the park which does not fit with his adventure racing/camping/hiking etc idea of it...so a pic of me riding my mountain bike and all muddy with a big smile on my face sold him).

 

And keep faith...and don't rely on it solely...still try and meet people OFF line! Also if you do start chatting with people, don't take forever to meet them...find out in real life if you click sooner rather than later.

[Mermaid]

I met my guy online. Not through traditional means (dating sites/chats) but through happenstance. We weren't trying to meet someone with whom to fall in love, we just did and now we're planning a life together. And, something I feel is important to point out, we were best friends IN PERSON for awhile before it became more.

 

And here's the thing: he and I are both normal, sane, intelligent people who just happened to stumble accross our perfect mate online. I'm of the mind that, these days, more people have access to their soulmates because of the Internet; it opens doors that normally would be closed. In the past, people who should've been together might never have met because of distance--now they can and do.

 

That's not to say that the Internet isn't full of fake, and sometimes sick, personas. It is. But if you're careful about how you go about things and don't have expectations about finding love online, it can find you instead.

 

 

[black butterfly]

I am so sorry that you have had bad experiences with on line dating but here's another version. I met a man on line through a dating service and we began sending emails. I felt such a strong connection to this man. Not only did we meet online. english is also his second language. Dutch is his first. He lives in a little village outside of Antwerp Belgium. I live in California. When we began calling over the phone our connection became even stronger. At first I couldn't even understand everything he said but we began falling in love. The year before his company was given an option to send someone to San Francisco. He didn't get to go. Well another opportunity came up and he applied again. We waited and I prayed. Yes! He was being sent 6,000 miles around the world. We decided to meet. He stayed three days. We struggle everyday I love him and we are working on a future. It's very hard but please don't discourage others from at least trying to expand their horizons. You never know you might just meet the love of your life like I did.

PS I am learning Dutch

Tot Ziens which means see you later.