lets keep it real

[VeRiTaS]

Good folks,

 

I have been lurking for some time and have gone through my own heartbreak. It's been 7 months for me and I don't want my ex back. I did at first, but after 5 months of NC by her, it finally dawned on me that she wasn't coming back.

 

Some of you people here really have no clue. I've read story after story. A few situations are hopeful and there are others that the chance of reconciliation is absolutely zero.

 

It is a shame that some of you choose not to see it. To hear you have been waiting months and some of you even years! Come on! If you have heard absolutely nothing from your ex for months, chance are you won't be. All of this mindless rant about making them want to come back by ignoring them. The only ones getting played are yourself.

 

If you ex is still in contact with you, by all means, keep doing what you are doing. You might have a chance. But you other folks who keep obsessing when the ex doesn't give a damn and has made no effort to contact you are wasting your lives over someone who is not even thinking of you.

 

Get mad, throw stones at me. I wish I would have listened when I was told this. I didn't. You can learn the hard way or make up your mind to really let go and stop wasting your time fantasizing how NC will bring back someone who could care less where you are or who you are with.......

[teacup]

*throws stone*

 

lol. you asked for it. hey.....nah i agree with ur post. keep it real!

[butterflycloud]

I hear what you say but I must admit that it was a bit harsh. You need to be fully aware of each individuals circumstances before telling them to let go or not.

 

Some people have to go through the 'hanging on stages' for a particular reason- perhaps they need to learn that lesson for themselves in order to open other doors in their life

[waylon]

I agree, think for the first month all I wanted was for my ex to come back...

 

Eventually you start to realize that unless you come to terms with the fact that they're not coming back you'll never find peace again.

 

I usually steer clear of the "getting back together" section because I don't want to fall into that trap again...

 

Good post!

[butterflycloud]

Hey, slow down there, each of us is entitled to our own opinions- no need to get ugly about it.

 

That's what makes this forum so reliable- you get to choose whos advice to take.

[waylon]

We all know denial is one of the earlier stages of a break-up, most of us go through it. I feel that the "getting back together" section does foster false hope and can facilitate in one staying in this emotional state far longer than needed.

 

That's how I feel anyway.

[arwen]

Like you did the first 5 months, for most people it's true that they hope for reconciliation. I think it's part of the progress to have this hope. How did you respond to people telling you to 'get real'? It's mostly in hindsight that we realize that the ex is probably not coming back. It's part of healing to hope for it, it's part of healing to realize it ain't gonna happen. We all have our different development and progresses in healing.

[VeRiTaS]

Like you did the first 5 months, for most people it's true that they hope for reconciliation. I think it's part of the progress to have this hope. How did you respond to people telling you to 'get real'? It's mostly in hindsight that we realize that the ex is probably not coming back. It's part of healing to hope for it, it's part of healing to realize it ain't gonna happen. We all have our different development and progresses in healing.

 

False hope hinders progress.

 

How did I respond to people telling me to "get real?" I woke up is how. After 5 agonizing months. The problem was not enough people telling me to "get real." You see, people like yourself didn't want to give me the truth. Instead, it was easier to feed me with cliches like if it was meant to be, she will be back. If it's true love, blah blah blah...

 

You know why people do that? Because they tell you what you want to hear. Yes, people do that. Do you know why? Because they think they are doing the best thing by not giving you the truth. They don't want to hurt you and tell you it's over! She is not coming back. Move on!

 

This is a disservice in my eyes. Yes, these forums are for support and we all want to give lots of group hugs and want all the owies to go away. How about a good dose of reality along the way? I hear it works wonders. In some cases, it's been known to actually expedite recovery. Give it a try sometime....

[teacup]

i think reality lets you get over the pain quicker.

 

lies only make the dream state last a little longer.....but u gotta come crashing back to earth sooner or later.

[VeRiTaS]

I find it disturbing to find my posts in defense of my position have been deleted. I see no violation so here it is again:

 

I hear what you say but I must admit that it was a bit harsh. You need to be fully aware of each individuals circumstances before telling them to let go or not.

 

I've read story after story. A few situations are hopeful and there are others that the chance of reconciliation is absolutely zero.

 

Did I tell everyone to let go? Did I say all situations are hopeless?

 

My post was by no means an end all solution for everyone's situation. I also don't have the time to read each persons individual circumstance before telling them to let go or not.

 

As for being harsh, perhaps a good dose of reality is better than a sugar-coated pipe dream...

[arwen]

They got deleted because you were flaming to butterflycloud, not of your defense.

[avman]

That is quite enough. Thread closed.