No Contact For The Holidays!!!

[Regretfulman]

Think about it, the holidays are a special time, a time when people put aside their differences and try to get along, people reach out to each other, forgive each other, feel warm inside. Does this mean we should contact the person who dumped us? Absolutely Not!!! Your ex will surely be thinking of you during the holidays, especially if you guys spent the holidays together the previous year. I know when the holidays come around, I'm always reminded of the past, my family, my friends, the events that took place in the years prior. There is no doubt that your ex will have you on his/her mind during these times. They will be thinking of what happened the previous year, the time you guys spent together. This will make him/her miss you very much, and they will probably reach out to you. It is very important that you don't contact them at all, in any way, and don't answer them if they contact you. You must be strong and send them a message that they aren't a priority in your life anymore, you have moved on. The holidays are the perfect time to send a strong message to the ex, and you must take advantage of that. Let them be the weak ones for a change, and if they don't contact you, don't let it bother you. You must understand that they are thinking of you in some way, because everyone thinks of the people who have come and gone in their lives, during the holiday season, thats what it's for. Don't use the holidays as an excuse to be weak and contact, use it as a time to be strong, and send an even stronger message to the ex. One last thing, don't feel guilty by not contacting the ex during the holidays, and don't think that it will ruin any chance of a second chance. if anything, doing no contact during this time will drive the ex crazy wondering why on earth you didn't give in, why on earth they aren't a priority in your life anymore. They will miss you, think of you, and maybe second think their decision to leave you in the first place. Remember people, the holidays are powerful times, they can bring out the best and worst in us, so don't miss your chance to make a statement!!!

[kellbell]

I know the holidays can be hard especially when your family and friends have someone in their life to spend them with. But think about, the holidays are just another day. Society has commercialized the holidays so much that we all forget the true meaning of the holidays and what they stand for. They are a time to be thankful for what you have and not for what you don't have. Try to focus on what is positive and what you do have.

 

I agree, don't contact your ex's during the holidays, you don't want to make things worse. Try your best to get through and take it one day at a time.

[wwj]

Heh Regretfulman,

I love your posts. They make me feel stronger than any of the others that I have read. My ex left me a month ago, and I have not contacted him, nor has he contacted me. I actually went to the mailbox today in hopes that he would have sent me a card to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving, but no such luck. Since I was the one dumped, I can promise on my life that I will never contact him, but I sure keep hoping that he will contact me. Isn't that crazy? Even if it's just to ignore the call. I actually got caller id back on my home phone yesterday so that I can see if he ever calls.

[ZoeMatthews]

WWI, its not crazy to wait for him to contact you. I am in the same situation. I was dumped..because he needed a "break and his own space". Please, cry me a freaking river for crying out loud!! LOL

 

I keep hoping that he will call just to wish me a happy thankgiving...to say hi...to tell me that he misses me, but its only been 2 weeks of no contact...

But I am not holding my breath!

 

I was going to call him to see where he was going to spend his holiday, but I am not going to...

 

I will remain in NC status until he calls....

 

ZM

[wwj]

Heh Zoe--Yea I guess we are in the same boat. But contacting my ex has never crossed my mine. He left ME and he hasn't tried to contact me once in a month!!! Why would he deserve me to ever call him???? I, on the other hand keep waiting to hear from him, but, somehow, I don't know that he will. He was a very arrogant, indifferent man (at least for the last year of our relationship) and I felt very "used" by him. He didn't give me much attention, even though we lived together, and I did everything I could for him. So now I am angry and hurt. Angry that he doesn't contact me b/c he obviously didn't care, and hurt b/c it feels bad when someone mistreats you and then never addresses that fact. At least I would love to hear from him and hear him say he was sorry that he treated me the way that he did. But, what I'd really love to hear is how much he loves me and misses me and what a mistake he has made. Then I would make him grovel!! What a purely outlandish fantasy. The man made a total fool out of me, and he's probably living off of some other girl as we speak! He was full of himself, and as time went on, ended up not working and I supported him. Now Mommy is doing that for him.

[ZoeMatthews]

Oh wow, sorry to hear that...well my ex guy had issues, but mostly with his ex wife. She didn't like me because I was the "other woman" in her eyes. He started dating me while he was going through his divorce and she thought I was the one who had taken him away from her

 

They are on friendly terms now because she has custody of her grandchild (my ex guy's step grandchild). My ex guy and his ex wife never had children. He is older than me (50 in January). Anyway, he wanted to have a relationship with his step-grandson and his ex wife harassed him about me all the time...he didn't know waht to do..

 

I wish he had had the balls to defend me, but he never did...

 

His ex wife's offspring don't talk to him and hate him, because again, they think that he cheated on their mother with me...so untrue

 

He chose a relationship with his step grandchild over me. But when we were saying our good byes...I told him that the child was going to be told things about him as he got older. the child doesn't call him grandpa anymore. He calls him by his first name...

 

The only reason why his ex wife is friendly with him now is because he is paying for the kid's school...which was totally okay with me, it was his money, not mine to spend.

 

He cannot get back with his ex wife because she is seeing someone..according to my ex guy...anyway...

 

We went through a lot he and I. He said he lost a lot of sleep over deciding wether or not to break up with me...(I am sure!!). He said that his ex wife and his step grandchild were a huge factor in the break up.

 

I know he is going to get lonely. He won't be able to spend time with his step grandchild because his ex wife's offspring are going to be around...

 

and again, they don't like him...

 

I know that the holidays are going to be tough on him...he won't have anybody around to hold...or at least have around to keep him company.

 

sorry my story is sooo long.

 

ZM

[Regretfulman]

Stay Strong People, No Contact Is The Way To Go, And Sometimes It Takes Several Weeks And Even Months Before The Ex Comes Around Enough To Make Serious Contact. Remember Though, That Nc Is For You To Heal, Hopefully When The Ex Does Eventually Call, And They Always Do, You Will Have Moved On, And You Won't Even Have A Desire To Answer The Call. That Is The Best Feeling In The World!!!

[renaissancewoman101]

Regretfulman, you say that the ex will miss your during the holidays because they will think of what the past holidays were like when they spent it with you. But, what happens in the mind of the ex if when this holiday they already have a new SO? Would they still think of you and the times they spent with you in the past during this holiday??? My ex enjoyed spending the holidays with me last year and the year before. This year he broke up with me and hooked up with a girl 2 weeks after our breakup. Will he still think of me during the holidays?

 

He is going around telling people we had a "nasty" breakup

[Hawk]

Renaissance - painful as it is I don't think he will be thinking of you during the holidays - if he is still in the early stages of the new relationship then he will still have stars in his eyes.

[Regretfulman]

he may have stars in his eyes, but trust me, the grass is rarely greener on the other side. The honeymoon stage only lasts for a short while, soon they will be fighting just like everyone else who is in a real relationship. Just wait it out, time always tells, and im sure he will still miss you, even if he is spending the holidays with the new girl. Human psychology is a complicated thing, but all you need to worry about is the NC part, good luck and stay strong during the trying times of the holidays!!!

[VeRiTaS]

Renaissance - painful as it is I don't think he will be thinking of you during the holidays - if he is still in the early stages of the new relationship then he will still have stars in his eyes.

 

Hawk has given you the best advice so far.

 

Can you hear the bird singing? I CAN. Let me translate: HE WILL NOT BE THINKING OF YOU DURING THE HOLIDAYS.

 

I've read your story Ren. As harsh as it is to tell you, your ex is NEVER coming back. He was over you a long time ago. I think everyone here wants to tell you, but no one wants to make you miserable. So, I am doing you and everyone else here a community service. Kind of like you do by helping all of those cute lil guinea pigs.

 

You sound like a really sweet person. Too sweet if you ask me. You know why? Because you can't see anything negative regarding your ex and your relationship. You need to wake up and take off those rose-colored glasses. YOUR EX IS OVER YOU. I see no indication that he will ever come back. He has moved on and you are now the forgotten. He is not sending you any mixed signals. There should be no confusion in your situation.

 

From the sounds of things, this guy sounds like a real loser. Go hang out at more of the Ren Fairs and find some guy whose interests are more along the line of yours. You and your ex are as incompatible as a caged guinea pig and a pot bellied pig.

[renaissancewoman101]

I know he will never come back. I just want to have some type of hope in my heart because I am very sad right now. I am also spending Thanksgiving alone because my plans fell through due to the stupidity of some of my friends. I never said that I thought my ex was sending me mixed signals. He has not done that. I was just surprised that he could move on so quickly and so cleanly considering he has always been dumped by girls and he has always been the emotional and clingy one. In the beginning I was very emotional and clingy to him, esp during the first year of our relationship. The first time he took a break from me, for a week, he came back, but then I started to put up a wall against him eventually and I lost my feelings for him a few months later.

 

I just cant understand how he can be the way he is to me right now. He has friends who mistreat him and take advantage of him and he still clings on to them. He has always been the underdog and has been beaten upon, mistreated, kicked on, etc. all his life and he always roots for the underdog and he is kind and understanding to people who are in worse positions than him, etc. He has always been the empathic one so I never thought he could have the power in him to be so cold to me and cruel to me like the way he has been, or just be so heartless.

 

Why?

 

I am not saying he doesnt have any faults. There are a lot of things that I dont like about him either. I dont like his drinking (that bothered me after time). I dont like his smoking. I also dont like his childlike behaviors and likes and I dont like the fact that, a lot of times, he has a tendency to open his mouth and say things that shouldnt be said and can get him into trouble (I have seen his new gf's parents get annoyed at him for that). Basically, he is a nice and kind, and generous person. I just never saw it in him to be like the way he is to me now. IN the past few run-ins I have had with him in the last few months, the main one being the one in which I went down to his house to pick up my meds, the comments he made to me were rather rude and cold. One time he made a comment about one of my friends and his comment ran the line of "glad I dont have friends like you, how can YOu consider her your friend, only you". Second comment was "I was thinking about you the other day when I wanted to go out for Japanese food, I called my friend to see if he could go out with me, but he was no where to be found". Why the hell would he make cold, cruel comments like that to me. Sometimes I think he wants to treat me and hurt me the way I think I may have hurt him in the last few months of our relationship. I dont know.

 

I think that I keep a hope alive that he may come back some day, that is why I still let him keep my cell phone and use it. How do you think he interprets that? That I still care about him?

[VeRiTaS]

I think that I keep a hope alive that he may come back some day, that is why I still let him keep my cell phone and use it. How do you think he interprets that? That I still care about him?

 

Ummm.. hrrmm....

 

Do you like pain? Do you ever get angry or upset? My post pretty much should have got you really pee'd off and made you think about things. It didn't! Amazing!

 

How does he interpret you letting him keep your cell phone while he is with someone else? Lets see.........

 

HE THINKS YOU ARE AMAZINGLY SPINELESS! HE THINKS YOU WILL DO ANYTHING TO GET HIM BACK! HE KNOWS YOU ARE WAITING AROUND FOR HIM AND HE WILL CONTINUE TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUR KINDNESS FOR AS LONG AS YOU LET HIM!

 

Did you hear that? I hope so because I was yelling at the top of my lungs! Take the phone back. You are a doormat that loves being stepped on. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off. Start getting your life together today or you will be in the same place a year from now.

[renaissancewoman101]

NO, I dont like pain. I just dont really want to confront him right now and ask for the phone back. I am moving in a few weeks so I am going to have to get the phone back soon. I am moving on, that is why I am moving away from here in a few weeks.

 

Yes, I do still have feelings for the ex. He has always been an emotional, understanding, loving, and caring person, that is why I still cant believe he could dump me like that. He has always been dumped by women and trampled on by other people (like his mom, his friends, his boss, people in general) that I felt sorry for him and wanted to be there for him to rescue him. I know towards the end of our relationship, I mistreated him badly and neglected him. Part of me wants to atone for my mistakes maybe in the hopes of being able to get him back one day in the future.

 

Part of me also thinks he does have "some" feelings for me, otherwise, he would not have reacted the way he did this past Sat., when he saw me making out with another guy.

 

 

I guess I will never understand men.