If You Were Dumped, Please Read This

[EddieRentz]

DNOZ - you tha man

Nothing like a hot date to remind us how great being out there again can be - had one myself last weekend... and again at New Years.

Makes me think of that ol' Rage against the machine song

FREEDOMMMMMMMMM!!!

[dnozzle]

Wow. What a date. Whew.

 

No further details other than to say that I might just have to break NC to send the ex a thank you card for this.

 

Breaking up with me was seriously the most thoughtful thing she ever did for me. Ever.

[zstopa]

disagree. i know there's 2 camps on this board. 1 that says nc is not a tool to be used to get them back. 2 says its a tool to get them back, but if they don't then you are well on the way to being healed anyways.

 

i believe it can serve both purposes, that is if you want them back, and in my case i do.

[shadow34]

Hey everyone

 

Im new here Blah have to read my posts to know my story, too long to go into

 

My ex broke up with me 1 and half ago and we have not talked, which was by phone, since last Thursday..i have done the NC thing...

 

I also brought this ebook called how to get ur ex back ebook cheat sheet and it has fantastic advice....basically your right !!!!!! Just get on with your life and apparently the no contact thing is meant to work because of the psychology of our minds " As humans we tend to want what we can have"...

 

As for my ex I dont know, I was with him if u call it that for 15 months and he was always I dont know what I want, I dont know if I want a relationship blah blah....but sorry I know most will disagree but I have read a lot on body language etc and only 7% of what we say is verbal, the rest of the 93% is non verbal...so in saying that....I do truly believe this guy wants me, even though he may of dumped me, cheated whatever.......and of course for future reference, hell no i wont put up with that............

 

But with all that said, I want him back and I am NOT giving up...Sure Ill get on with life and try ad rebuild myself back to what I once was...but I think positive thinking also can help in the quest..........

 

For some they agree with it, some they dont, but I believe no contact is the best chance at making them realise " you dont know what you have got until it is gone".....we all make mistakes and If they come back and are genuinely remorseful and you still love them, well why not give it a go you have nothing to loose as you will be a confident individual from having NC..

 

Great Thread

[katypie]

So I have a thought ...

 

Advocates of NC on this thread seem to be of the opinion that NC should be maintained until the ex realises they want you back or else maintained forever as why would you want to be "just" a friend - a kind of all or nothing approach, if they don't want you as a partner then they can't have you as anything.

 

My b/f of two and half years broke up with me just over a week ago. He said he didn't feel the same way anymore however he was genuinely upset and (I believe) genuinely hopes we can re-establish a friendship.

 

I started NC about 3 days ago because I need time and space to reboost my self esteem and make myself happy. Thats what I need to do for myself regardless of any end result. However, if there is any chance that he will change his mind, the only way that is going to happen is if we re-establish contact once the new confident me has emerged, we resume a friendship, start to enjoy each others company and he maybe (just MAYBE) remembers who the person he fell in love with was.

 

I don't think thats going to happen if I hold out on NC indefinitely until he changes his mind simply because his lasting memories of the relationship will be the tail-end where we took each other for granted and fell into bad habits.

 

And failing that, I would genuinely like to be able to resume a real friendship. Other people have said on this board about being friends "why would you want to see them as a friend, or have to see them move on with someone else if it hurts". Well right at this moment I wouldn't. But I'd like to think that its not always going to hurt. And that its possible to let go of jealousy and feelings of rejection and just genuinely be able to enjoy all (well maybe not ALL!) the things that made you appreciate their companionship as a partner. I would hate to not ever be able to see him again because it hurt. I'm not sure that thats really healing.

 

Just wondering what everyone thinks of this .... would appreciate opinions.

[dansbabe]

First i wanna share with u a story that till recently didn't seem like a success story but sudenly it is,

About two years i met this amazing guy (Bob) at a concert, i felt like he was the boy version of me, i immidiatly knew he was the one for me,,i was only 17 at the time. we talked on the phone alot, i called most of the time, assuming that the reason he wouldn't contact me was because he was shy just like me... but i knew Bob was intrested in me since he was the one who approached me and gave me his #. For a couple of months we continued to talk on the phone and go out once in a while with a group of friends,,,so far there was nothing between us , but i felt like i was in love...at one of these "gatherings" a girl who was a friend of a friend of mine, approached me and asked me if there was anything between me and Bob and i said no, and she told me that the two of them had started seeing eachother... I felt like the biggest idiot especially since they had met at a party at my house and exchanged numbers in front of me,,at the time i didn't think of it as a big deal since Bob wasn't persuing the girl but the girl was. but when i heard the girl say they were dating my heart broke,,i was so hurt,,i told bob wat i had heard and left the place immidiatly thinking i would never see either of them again,,,Bob called me that night asking me wat happened, i told him the story again and he appoligized but didn't deny,,,i stopped contacting him for a while but i couldn't keep it up,,i decided to try the "lets be friends" approach,,,i called him once in a while,,,but was still unsure of whether he was with the new girl or not, i was hearing different stories from different sources,,,one day Bob and my bestfriend showed up at my house. Me and my friend had kind of planned it. anyways things seemed pretty good, i felt like he was very intrested in me and i acted pretty cool about it (nothing physical happened). But that's when things went horrible. After that day Bob began to completely ignore me, and i had no clue as to why,,i continued calling him and he never answered,,so i stopped,,, it took a bit over a month till he called me, and asked to see me, i told him that i was busy but that i would call him to make plans soon,,,i was still very eager in seeing him,,so i waited a week then i called him,,and he didn't answer,,,i found out that Bob had just started seeing someone else a few days after he called me,,i was replaced once again,,,and this time it hurt even more. The two of them were pretty serious and as far as i know they are still 2gether,,,i changed my number after i moved to another city,,and haven't tried contacting him since,,,as far as i know he is still with that girl, and till recently i still felt the same about him. It's been about two years since then and i dated many people none of whom replaced Bob

 

About 3 months ago i met a new guy (Joe),,i knew he was different he didn't seem like an ..we started dating but i wasn't serious about him, we lived in different cities, about an hour drive,, the first month he would drive down to see me once every two weeks, and i would go down to c him every other week,,,things were going pretty well...nothing too serious,,,i was seeing other people on the side, but after 3 months i felt like i was falling for Joe as much as i didn't want to, i was too scared of getting hurt again, so i slept with someone else . Two days later i was supposed to meet up with joe, i tried calling him and he wouldn't answer, i emailed, i msged, i tried everything. Eventualy around 2 am i gotta a short msg from him saying that the relationship was too long distance and he was too busy, just like that it was over, i tried calling but he wouldn't answer me...i knew that there was no way for joe to know about my unfaithfulness,,i also knew that his reason for ending our relationship was a lame excuse. I felt like karma was bitting me in the ,,,i was so hurt,,more than ever,,i didn't even know Joe was that important to me,,,i sent him an email that night which i regret, telling him that i hated him for being so gutless that he wouldn't even talk to me, and i also told him that i slept with some1 else.. A week after the break up (just this past weekend) i texted him and appoligized for overreacting he msged me back saying that it was ok and that he has just been very busy. we sent a couple of texts back and forth, very brief msges, nothing too serious, and i ended the conversation by saying that i was off too bed. its been almost two weeks since the break up and few days since i've tried to contact him...I miss him more than ever, and i dun want for us to end up like bob and me,,,i have just realized that since joe, i have completely forgot about bob,,I am starting the NC challenge, and hoping that joe will contact me,, i regret not taking this relation serious, and i regret cheating on him i was just scared to let my guards down and get hurt, but i ended up hurting even more,

If u have a story to share, or if u have an advise for me, please post, i'm desperate for help

[Me and myself]

Well, if NC was about making your ex come back, I would say all the odds are against me:

 

1 - The majority of the relatioships I read hare lasted for more tahn a year. Mine lasted only 1 month!

2 - We didn't have so many good moments, altough she said "I will always remember our conversations by the sea side!"

3 - I'm on NC for 25 days.

4 - I always told her if we break up I will disappear, which always made her feel kind of scared.

5 - Altough she would like us to remain friends, she never called me since then so she's being cooperative by helping me.

 

So, as you see, I'm a really good candidate for not getting her back by using NC.

[need2bme]

but I will say that NC must be first used as a method of healing for yourself, because you never know the future, the best thing for anyone to do after a breakup is to move on and heal, and if you get a second chance in the future great, and if u are healed then heck, you won't even want a second chance at all.

 

The best part of the post is what is quoted above. See, the way I look at it is bottom line;

 

Does she deserve me at this present point? NO!

Did she EVER really open her heart to me? NOPE!

When this is all over and she gets to be the friend to me that she supposedly wants to, do I need to hear her talk about some other guy when she couldn't give me the time of day? HELL NO!!

 

My point is, why in the world would I want to continue and be a better person and fix all the stuff I need to, simply so that she can come back as if nothing happened?

 

Add to that, the fact that you would then be second best anyway...

[cheatedon]

I have a question for you guys about my situation. My ex and I broke up just recently, and he rebounded quickly by dating someone new by the next week. Anyway, I read this forum and cut contact. I make no effort to call or text him, but normally about twice a day he texted me. Not with anything important just random stuff. For example this morning "going to car show." Can anybody figure out why? Is it just his way of keeping some contact with me?

[Wandering_Sword]

Yes it is. Proceed accordingly

[celene]

seriously, I think sometimes, men want all the attention they need. They don't want to let go not because they have feelings for you but because they just wanted to be felt wanted. If I were you I would just not respond to the email and txts and follow the NC policy. Its the best you can do, for yourself and you is all that matters!

[cheatedon]

thanks guys....about a half hour ago he sent me picture mail of him and his daughter together at the car show. Got anything for that one?