zstopa

disagree. i know there's 2 camps on this board. 1 that says nc is not a tool to be used to get them back. 2 says its a tool to get them back, but if they don't then you are well on the way to being healed anyways. i believe it can serve both purposes, that is if you want them back, and in my case i do.

So i'm in the throws of trying to get the ex back...sucks but i have read alot and feel pretty empowered. If it doesnt work, i will still be a better person through what i have been doing. Im 32, shes 29. So, it's been 6 weeks after a 1.5 year relationship and she's already dating a new guy. We met last week and it was our first meeting since the breakup. it was kinda our reconcilliation time. she basically said move on, but there was lots of petting and touching at the bar and we made out a bit when i dropped her off. met this week for a drink and a bite...it was our 1 hour xmas together. we both had bought something for each other before the breakup and gave it to each other. got a kiss on the cheek at the end of the night. so basically, i chased HARD at the start of the breakup...bad bad i know. for the past few weeks i have been doing more of the right things and lo and behold she's opening up a bit....she still says to move on as she is gonna give new dude a shot, but wants to be friends...all women say that as she wants me in the backround in case it doesnt work out. she still has the power in her mind, but i am trying to get that back through less chasing and contact. trying to be aloof. you might say well sounds like she's being nice to you and you should keep at it...problem is, she has not initiated contact with me ONCE - been all me. She holds all the cards right know and she knows it. But im slowly trying to get that back. OK the question: We used to always instant message...shes on for work and i can be as well. she sees me and i can see her. ...Do i NOT log on at all and disappear completely for awhile? I know many of you will say yes to this, BUT I don't want to seem like i'm avoiding her or being childish and vindictive by notlogging on..she says she finds people that play "games" as cheesy. Should i still log on as would be my normal behavior, just not contact her, or completely vanish for awhile? not sure if i should employ NC or LC as i'm already *slightly* back in with her...well, back in in terms of light contact. i'm thinking of maybe NC through the rest of the holidays and then turn back up a little bit jan 2nd. the holidays are an emotional time...maybe a little NC now might work in my favor? thanks!