katypie

So I have a thought ... Advocates of NC on this thread seem to be of the opinion that NC should be maintained until the ex realises they want you back or else maintained forever as why would you want to be "just" a friend - a kind of all or nothing approach, if they don't want you as a partner then they can't have you as anything. My b/f of two and half years broke up with me just over a week ago. He said he didn't feel the same way anymore however he was genuinely upset and (I believe) genuinely hopes we can re-establish a friendship. I started NC about 3 days ago because I need time and space to reboost my self esteem and make myself happy. Thats what I need to do for myself regardless of any end result. However, if there is any chance that he will change his mind, the only way that is going to happen is if we re-establish contact once the new confident me has emerged, we resume a friendship, start to enjoy each others company and he maybe (just MAYBE) remembers who the person he fell in love with was. I don't think thats going to happen if I hold out on NC indefinitely until he changes his mind simply because his lasting memories of the relationship will be the tail-end where we took each other for granted and fell into bad habits. And failing that, I would genuinely like to be able to resume a real friendship. Other people have said on this board about being friends "why would you want to see them as a friend, or have to see them move on with someone else if it hurts". Well right at this moment I wouldn't. But I'd like to think that its not always going to hurt. And that its possible to let go of jealousy and feelings of rejection and just genuinely be able to enjoy all (well maybe not ALL!) the things that made you appreciate their companionship as a partner. I would hate to not ever be able to see him again because it hurt. I'm not sure that thats really healing. Just wondering what everyone thinks of this .... would appreciate opinions.

Here's the deal: My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years (we lived together for 2 of those) broke up with me 2 days ago. At the moment I am hurt and upset and need time and space to grieve and move on. But at some point in the future I would really like to resume a real friendship if that is at all possible. Apart from the romantic involvement I have so much in common with this guy, we share a love of theatre and music (we met in a play together), we really do enjoy each other company, we share a similar wacky sense of humour and can just talk rubbish for hours. He's a singer/songwriter and I have been quite involved in his music providing feedback and helping him work through improving new songs, whilst he has been incredibly supportive of me with my acting. Plus we have many mutual friends. When I have had time to regain my sense of self and recover from the major blow of being dumped (I am quite realistic about the problems our relationship had, but I had thought there was still something worth fighting for) I would really love it if we could still share the above things, but in a platonic way that is not awkward for each other. I would like to know what people think and what your experiences have been with resuming a true friendship with an ex.