I'm a bit worried bout somethin'

[Dogg]

I'm getting a little bit worried that I have been in NC for a while now, three weeks not counting one ro two VERY short calls. My ex has not tried to contact me at all. I'm reading about everyone else that is in NC and how they are not answering their ex, and not responding to messages and all that meanwhile my ex has not attempted to contact me at all. Why? is this a very bad sign, or am I just looking in to things too much. To be honest, I would love to see/hear from/ speak to her, but I don't have anything to say. I know that I do not want to push her away any, and I do want her to know what it is like to live without me compleetly and hope that she misses me and all that stuff and hope that we can get back together, but why has she made ZERO attempts to contact me. we were together for over three years and now we went from all that to ABSOLUTLY NOTHING. I can only assume that it is easy for her and dos not bother her at all and its putting my hopes of getting her back in a really bad place...I don't know what to think

[BONO]

Well why dont you have laods of beers, listen to some of YOUR songs, look at pictures of you together, then give her a call late at night, give her some FUll CoNTACT you will feel load better in the morning !! NOT .......

 

Come on pal , take a deep breath, get back on to the threads, read Superdave again and again. NC NC NC.

 

Patience - she will come

 

 

Jamie

[ZoeMatthews]

I am soo sorry, I don't know what to tell you!! I am in a similar situation myself...

 

I guess it would be nice if you started doing things for yourself...I started doing Tae Bo again. I just posted somewhere else that it really helps with the anxiety and of course the endorphins you release put you in a better mood.

 

My ex broke NC after one week. I kept the conversation very short (he called me at work, I have no caller ID). Its been exactly one week since he called. I was very desperate and depressed yesterday, but I realized that it was only the medication I am on, lol.

 

Give it time, keep the NC rule. Get out there and start doing things with your friends!

 

ZM

[moondog627]

I wouldn't get your hopes up about whether or not she will come back. My ex has made zero attempt to contact me since we broke up almost 4 months ago. It probably just means she's trying to move on and that's fine. You should be doing the same. Time to man-up bro.

[ONE SXXY LADY]

Dogg..she hasn't contacted you because she said she DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU.. Take these words to heart. She has already told you she does not want to lead you on...her contacting you would be doing just that. Be glad she is keeping her word and NOT leading you on.

 

You need to treat her as if she is dead....I KNOW that sounds harsh nd it's not be..but it is the ONLY way you can truly believe she is gone.

[BONO]

Well said ZM,

I have an idea. When either of you feel the urge to break NC why dont you send a post to each other rather than your ex. You could for example post what you were going to say to your ex ..... just a quick thought it might help clear the fog a little and guide you away from looking and feeling bad !

[AC874]

Dogg,

 

Dont fall in the same trap as me.

 

She found somebody else 1 month after our break-up... let it go.

 

Do not even attempt to find out anything about her.. your going to get CRUSHED.

[Dogg]

SHE IS NOT DEAD, and that is an awful thing to say. I know that I will not contact her, like I said, I can't and have nothing to say, but that does not mean that I can not hold in my heart the hope that she will contact me one day and that she will want to recconcile things between us. I am taking the advice of the one and only superdave71, whom I have really come to respect. I will continue with NC, that is the truth and that is what I will continue to do. Hope fully what Dave says will come true. thanks for the advice I guess everyone, but I know what I must do...

[WildChild]

Ok Dogg, remember your post from last week after she had called you to apologize for her behavior the night before. She told you she loved and missed you and you told her you would give her her space. She also told you she doesn't want to string you along while she tries to figure out what she wants and needs. I know it is so difficult right now because you love her so much, but giving her her space right now is probably the best thing you can do for both of you. If you did call her she may feel you aren't taking her seriously. And if she caved just to save you from being hurt, then your relationship would not be based on what it should be. If she does come to you later on, you know that she is doing it because she wants to and not for any other reason...wouldn't you feel better knowing that? She needs to figure out what it is that just doesn't feel right to her. You explained why you became so clingy and maybe she needs to look at everything for awhile to come to any realizations. I really, really think it will have a more positive effect if you give her the space she needs. And you realized a lot along the way of this whole process...how she clinged to you and you didn't like it and did your own thing, and then when you got her back you did the same thing only you admitted you did it to pay her back. It came back and bit you in the butt. I don't want to get your hopes up Dogg, but I think she just needs to clear her mind. Maybe date a few other people, do her own thing. I gave my bf the space he wanted when we decided when we first met we weren't ready for a relationship. He dated, did his own thing and I never questioned him or threw it in his face when we did talk. Now, it's been a year since we met and going on 10 months since we have dated exclusively. Think of it this way if the shoe was on the other foot and she kept calling you or questioning why, as a man would you like it? Most men would say no and that it was a turn off. Hang in there, we are here for ya!

[ONE SXXY LADY]

DOGG...

 

I KNOW she ISN'T dead..and I didn't say that to be mean..but losing someone you love deeply is like mourning the death of someone ..THATS what I mean. Chances of her coming back are very very slim..she TOLD you that. I have learned to take people at their word because otherwise you're setting yourself up for a fall. IF she didn't really say ANYTHING..or said she would think about it..then YES I would say MAYBE there's hope..but right NOW I just don't see that happening. Sorry thats not what you want to hear...take care.

[AC874]

Dogg,

 

Im your same shoes. I found out yesterday she is seeing somebody ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Dude... look I want whats best for you. Do 100% TOTAL NC. Do not even attempt to do anything that has anything to do with her.

[moondog627]

SHE IS NOT DEAD, and that is an awful thing to say. I know that I will not contact her, like I said, I can't and have nothing to say, but that does not mean that I can not hold in my heart the hope that she will contact me one day and that she will want to recconcile things between us. I am taking the advice of the one and only superdave71, whom I have really come to respect. I will continue with NC, that is the truth and that is what I will continue to do. Hope fully what Dave says will come true. thanks for the advice I guess everyone, but I know what I must do...

 

Dude, (no disrespect to Superdave) but there's nothin he's said that you haven't heard from someone on this forum before. If you're not happy with the responses you get from people here then don't post. Have a private conversation with Dave and leave it at that. We all know you're going thru rough times but you need to seriously take a step back and look at yourself. If hell somehow froze over are you really in any shape to even be accepted back by your ex if she wanted to? No, you're a mess (just callin it like I see it, and trust me we've all been there man). You need to take this time for yourself. Worry about YOURSELF, work on YOURSELF, make YOURSELF happy. Whatever it takes. Just find something to take your mind off her. Best of luck.

[ONE SXXY LADY]

I agree MoonDog...Dogg you can't take it as a personal attack if someone

doesn't tell you what you DON'T want to hear. SuperDaves advice IS awesome, but like Moondog said...He hasn't said anything no one else has.

We really DO wish you the best Dogg....hang in there.

[WildChild]

 

You need to treat her as if she is dead....I KNOW that sounds harsh nd it's not be..but it is the ONLY way you can truly believe she is gone.

 

 

With all due respect and to not get this post off topic anymore than it has become, I think it could have easily been interpreted the wrong way, I know I orginally misinterpreted it. But clarification was made about what the comment/post meant.

 

Maybe I am wrong, but I believe Dogg's response post was based on the wrong interpretation and not that he doesn't appreciate any other advice.

[Dogg]

I KNOW WHAT EVERYONE IS SAYING, its just that sometimes someone says something pretend that she is DEAD and thats just not a cool thing to say to or about anyone regardless how it is meant. In no way am I disrespecting or discounting or disagreeing with anyones advice, I have been and will continue with NC like I said for myself, not for her, but that again does not mean that I do not want her and love her. And another thing is that in reality, no, I am really not a mess, sometimes I just get to thinking about things and then I post my concerns/questions on here, THAT IS WHAT THIS FORUM IS FOR ISN"T IT. so whomever told me that if I do not want to listen to or take the advice being given and said screw you becaus I have been and nooone will ever truly know how I appreciate you all for being here to listen to my BS whinning about her because without you I truly do not think that I would have made it even this far. Sorry if that is harsh, but I'm tired of people on this forum talking down to others about whatever situation and saying just disrespectful things, we are obviously all here for the same type of reasons so lets act like it and be "nice" and "real" to each other but at the same time, have some respect for another persons situation and feelings, everyone has the right to handle things a little differently...thanks to those of you who offer advice from the heart, you have no idea what you all mean to me, regardless of whether I want to hear it or not!

[moondog627]

so whomever told me that if I do not want to listen to or take the advice being given and said screw you becaus I have been and nooone will ever truly know how I appreciate you all for being here to listen to my BS whinning about her because without you I truly do not think that I would have made it even this far.

 

Where did I say screw you? Don't put words in my mouth. Yeah, you've convinced me from this last post that you're not a mess.

[ONE SXXY LADY]

Dogg..

 

I'm sorry if you think I am "being direspectful"..it's not my intention. I know you're in pain I am NOT discounting that..but it seems like if you don't get the answer you want to hear, then you feel attacked. The truth is given in different ways Dogg...some people sugarcoat it..and some people are more blunt. My reasons for being so BLUNT in this case is because I think sugarcoating it would just feed false hope..and I think THAT would be doing you a disservice. I have seen several different variations of people telling you to "move on" and you seem to react most favorably to those who sugarcoat their replies. YES no contact WILL HELP...and YES there HAVE been cases of people who came back..but those are few and far between. I am a person who looks at FACTS..and the cold hard fact is that the chances of things working out are probably pretty slim..if at all. You can take my advice..or not. It won't hurt my feelings either way....YOU are the one who has to live with your choices.

That said..I hope things work out for you.

[lonelyfish]

Dogg,

 

I think everyone that has read your posts on here justs wants you to finally "get it." It being the definition of N/C and what it's truly about as SuperDave and others have continued to comment on. We have all been where you are and it takes some longer than others to finally "get it" and we can clearly see that you have been having a hard time letting it all sink in. Hang in there, you are doing a great job of N/C. If you continue to keep it up you'll slowly start to feel so much better about yourself and your ex. Right now it sucks, we all know how you must feel, and we are all just trying to help you through this difficult time.

[WildChild]

So anyway, back to the post at hand. I am glad you are keeping up with the NC Dogg, that you have the strength to do it. Does she have family around, could she be gone for the holidays if you are surprised you haven't heard from her?

[AC874]

Dogg,

 

As for me. I empathize with your pain. I want you to know, that 100% total NC is the only route to you being healed.. irregardless of the final outcome (isnt it already final sort of?).

 

Look, I didnt listen to anybody. I looked at her myspace everyday, and found yesterday that she was seeing somebody 1 MONTH after our breakup. 1 FLIPPING month. She had all the same answers as you. She told me the exact same things.

 

Buddy im a total mess. I dont want you to POTENTIALLY find out that shes seeing another guy. I found out yesterday... the girl I spent 4 yrs with touching her, sleeping with her... laughing with her.

 

This crap sucks... but what will not kill you will make you strong.

 

God bless man

[Hawk]

Dogg

 

I am getting fed a diet of lies from my ex - she still shares the house with me - and even after I have asked for respect and honesty (because she says she still loves and cares for me as a person), I know with my gut that she is seeing someone else. I know that is always going to happen in a breakup, but I guess after 7 years I was hoping for her to tell me, rather than pick up on the trail of clues she leaves around.

 

Anyway, after this weekend I am pretty sure I will have what I need to confront her about it. Am I a bit crazy? Probably - but then again maybe this is what I need to get some closure on this. At worst, it is an opportunity to get her to move out, so that I can get over her.