Opinions here please :(

[things_ive_done]

I'm sorry for any of those who may be reading this twice, but I unknowingly used the word S**t in one of my posts and I think it got deleted, but I'll be more careful in the future.

 

I've been reading forums like this and similar ones for quite a while now, and really Im just using this as a place to vent and hear different opinions...

 

Here's my story...

October 4th, my ex of a year and seven months, broke it off with me, explaining that it wasnt me it was her etc, etc. I was heartbroken. Later on I did learn the real reason was that she didnt know what she wanted, she didnt know whether or not she'd like to be single and free or with me anymore, she explained that she needed to "explore" and I dunno...my ego took a bit of a bruising.

 

We tried the friends thing for about 5 days after that but I wasnt emotionally stable to continue, so I told her that we had to go on a bit of a break away from each other, so I could heal and get on with my life...She agreed that it's probably what is best for the both of us...

 

2 weeks and a little bit pass, and I get a phone call at work...It was her.

She was explaing to me that she was upset with some stuff that had happened earlier on that day and just wanted to talk, so we did exactly that. The next couple of days she asked me to go out for coffee, and we did that as well, against my better judgement. About a week after casual hanging out, cuddling, hugging, and a kiss here and there, I asked her WHY she had to call me at work after I told her I couldnt see her or talk to her, and she just explained that she was upset and wanted to talk...So we talked about the whole relationship for a bit and she told me that she was STILL confused and didnt know what she wanted. She said that sometimes she feels that she should be with me, but then she feels that she shouldn't and explained that she didn't want to put me through what she already did earlier that month becasue it wasn't fair to me.

She also explained that I shouldnt wait around for her because that wasn't fair to me either. She did mention that someone had asked her earlier that day what was going on with me and her and whether or not we'd get back toghther, and she told them ... "Im not sure, probably" or something along those lines.

When I was driving her home, I explained to her that if she needed to "explore" then she should go and do just that, go and fool around with whatever guy, just find out what u need to, so that you can be sure. She thanked me for understanding and left. I got a msg from her saying that "all I wnated to do was kiss you, but I knew I couldnt, becasue I dont want you to be hurt"

 

Since then we have been casusally hanging out, we've still cuddled, hugged, and made out once or twice, no sexual contact tho.

 

On Saturday I went to a house party, which she was attending as well, I was pretty drunk, and I didnt really want to talk to her, afraid of what I might say or what she might say. After fights starting breaking out, I left and made a trek to meet up with some friends of mine (which was gonna be taking me right by her house). On the way, I got a phone call which turned into an argument with my friends gf, where I said some pretty obscene things..which involved a lot of yelling and screaming and swearing, which I unknowingly did while I was walking by her house. What I DIDNT know was that her parents her aunt, uncle, and HER were standing in the driveway listening to the whole thing...ahhh my drunken raves...

 

She txt'd me later that night adn told me what I did and how her parents lost so much respect for me (I Think she was just mad because of what I was yelling, which was pretty bad). Her dad came into my work the next day, and I told him I was sorry for him having to hear that, he told me it was OK.

 

I got a txt at work, later that day, from HER, saying that we needed to talk and it wasn't gonna be pleasent but we had to do it. I knew right away what it was, without having to guess.

 

I went home, went onto msn, and told her that if she wanted to end things for good, then she should just do it and not drag it on. She told me that it wasn't that, she mentioned that we should just go on a little break from each other, becasue she doesn't want to hurt me anymore, but shes still confused and doesnt know what she wants. (We had a little talk before about how I'm not totally HAPPY when me and her end our night of hanging out or whatever).

 

So we're supposed to talk about it today or tomorrow, but she has bronchitis, so I doubt thats gonna happen....

 

To be honest, I just want her back in my life, I want things to be back to the way they were, when we were so madly in love with each other, when we'd stop in the middle of a crowd, grab each other, and just kiss each other for the longest time.....ah...those were the days....

 

I guess this is growing up...

[ZoeMatthews]

gosh, I am soo sorry you are going through this, but I truly think you need a break from her.

 

Take time for yourself!! I have found that doing yoga or some type of exercise really helps release some of the tension!!

 

Beginning Tae Bo is also good!!

 

I am just listing what has worked for me...if she calls, don't talk to her...

 

Take care

 

ZM

[BONO]

Mate,

There seems to be too many mixed emotions flying around right now. Always remember the basic human need of " People want what they cant have"

 

Two options. No contact for a couple of weeks until it all dies down then take a view .Or full on contact to push her right out of your life for good.

 

Which one will you pick ????? The easy full on contact leaving you in a mental hospital, or perhaps one of the hardest things you will have to do,NC.

 

Remember NC is not forever but FC (Full Contact) might lead to her saying goodbye forever ......

 

Jamie

[things_ive_done]

thanks for the opinions, they're much appreciated.

 

I acctually did go by and see her today, I really couldnt think of what the outcome would be, but I went anyways.

 

To sum it up she told me that we shouldnt get back together for good...

 

like am I supposed to cheer becasue I'll "be able to find someone better" ...I dont know about that..

 

Im sorry, but I've just realized this is the start of things to come. I thought the last two months were me getting over her, getting her out of my system, but I didnt even make it past the first step...

 

ahhhh..Just thinking about it makes me depressed, bare with me everyone.

[things_ive_done]

oh...and I forgot to mention that she told me that she didn't want a relationship right now because of several reasons, but one of them being that she needs to focus on other things right now like school (shes not doing to well in school, I do agree)

[things_ive_done]

Wow, I just woke up....and still, the first thing I thought of...was how me and her are no more - I've been doing that for the last 2 months almost. IT SUCKS!!!!

[Beaker78]

heah man its all good i have been doing it for a while too but it gets better i tell ya

Go Nc for a little while and wait for her to contact U its allways the best thats what i have done

I was still seeing my ex every few weeks when she would ask me to look after her cat whilst she was away visiting friends and then i thought "HEAH WHAT AM I DOING WHY AM I WASTING MY TIME" then i changed my number and never gave her the new one.

I still think about her all the time but at least i know that i am in control of myself and am moving on with my life(even though i would have liked to be with her) and doing new things.

[things_ive_done]

The funny thing is....how should I start a NC? All the reasons I see people starting NC for are because they constantly hound the ex with emails, phone calls, and txt messages, but I'm not doing that, I was just treating it like a friendship. I have a few loose ends to tie up with her first, like she owes me money and said she'd pay me on sunday. But the real question is, how do I start NC? Should I start sending her emails and calling her all the time then stop, or should I just stop talking to her in general? As far as I know, I'm not annoying her in the least bit, or at least I haven't been since the break up.

 

PS. I love mothers, they always seem to be the best people to talk to. In my case I have two "mothers", mine and my best friends, and it's just comforting to know they'll be there for you in the worst of times.

THanks again for comments folks..

[Lenny70]

Your story is almost identical to mine mate. My ex didnt seem to know what she wanted, she broke up with me, giving me several reasons why she couldnt be involved or comitted to a relationship RIGHT NOW...how it was the way she felt and not about me....then she would phone me and tell me she missed me and that she didnt break up with me because of how things were between us...but because of her situation! For three weeks after the break up i hardly initiated any of the contact between us ,she would contact me at least every other day, but i was turning into a nervous wreck waiting for her calls, which were just about everyday stuff...and then analyzing them to bits afterwards....for me, i couldnt stand feeling like that any longer...waking up in the morning with the break up on my mind straight away was doing my head in! so...3 weeks after we broke up, i told her that i think it would be best if we didnt contact each other for a while...that i still really cared for her but i needed to look after myself for a while........its been 12 days now, and im feelin much better about myself....no longer in limbo,wondering if she,s gonna call.......its definitely the way to go mate! you really need to look after yourself for a while!

[things_ive_done]

yea, pretty much she doesn't want to be committed, I know that she'd rather be free to explore "all her options" blahhh....

 

f*** another guy....see what I care.....wait....on second thought..

 

She txt'd me today saying that she wasn't sure if she shoudlve msged me because she didn't know if I wanted to talk to her..etc etc because she still wants to talk to me even if Im feeling that she doesnt etc etc etc and some other details of something that happened months ago (irrevelant to our relationship).

 

Like...I honestly don't know what to do...I know NC is the way to go, but how to do it, because I'm still friendly with her, even though she told me that we were never ever gonna be together again, I even asked her if she was sure, I ask her if she was still confused anymore, etc....I think she's sure....she just wants to be free of commitment...."people change, things change"

 

but....

 

.....I wish she would reconsider....

 

Did I forget to mention that a few weeks ago she wanted to get back together with me, she was making me a thing to contribute to her asking me back, but then she became confused again, and reconsidered...

 

Honestly, do you think there's any possible way of us getting back together, even if she says she's sure now, like thats why I asked her, are you sure, so I could be sure, and then it was just be a reassuring situation...WAYYY to many "sures" in that sentence, lol sorry.

[things_ive_done]

Apparently, she is really sick with pneumonia or mono or some lung infection and is gonna be laid up for a while..

 

She txt'd me last night, and I just msged her with short and sweet msgs, I didn't jump at msging her back either, nothing HUGE like she was doing.