Lenny70

youve done exactly the right thing mate, the letter is upbeat and positive.,youve let her know how you feel and what your going to do about it.....and now you can focus on yourself!..... n/c is definatley the way to go,its a much quicker way for you to begin to heal yourself and she will respect the strength you have had to do that! Its a hard thing to do to let go of someone you love.....but at the end of the day, weve relly got to look out for number 1....no one else will!...... N/c gives you back your control and with that comes back your pride and respect, it will also make your ex realise that you will no longer be in her life..at all! after a while she may start to doubt her decision to break up with you, but for her to realise this n/c has to be maintained, she will have to realise you wont be there for her every time she calls or txts! good luck mate.......i told my ex something pretty similar 17 days ago,and am feelin much better than i was then!

Your story is almost identical to mine mate. My ex didnt seem to know what she wanted, she broke up with me, giving me several reasons why she couldnt be involved or comitted to a relationship RIGHT NOW...how it was the way she felt and not about me....then she would phone me and tell me she missed me and that she didnt break up with me because of how things were between us...but because of her situation! For three weeks after the break up i hardly initiated any of the contact between us ,she would contact me at least every other day, but i was turning into a nervous wreck waiting for her calls, which were just about everyday stuff...and then analyzing them to bits afterwards....for me, i couldnt stand feeling like that any longer...waking up in the morning with the break up on my mind straight away was doing my head in! so...3 weeks after we broke up, i told her that i think it would be best if we didnt contact each other for a while...that i still really cared for her but i needed to look after myself for a while........its been 12 days now, and im feelin much better about myself....no longer in limbo,wondering if she,s gonna call.......its definitely the way to go mate! you really need to look after yourself for a while!

Thx for the support Augustus, i actually feel stronger for taking the initative to go go no contact and clawing back some control of the way i am feeling, its no good allowing someone who doesnt want to be with you to control the way you feel......it'll only hurt!

Notmyself, 4 months is a long time to be spending in limboland, i have been there for the last 4-5 weeks myself ,obsessing about the relationship constantly, not sleepin properly ,not eating properly, not working properly analyzing everything! ive had enough now,its not healthy for me waiting for her to call or txt me...i personally think it would be good for you to tell that you still cared for her, but that it would be better for you not to contact each other....that way you can begin to heal yourself and also to take her safety net away from her...at the moment she has the best of both worlds doesnt she.....she still has you to lean on emotionally. dont be there for her anymore...she finished the realtionship! When you go n/c take the time to focus on you and your wellbieng,its the only way to move forward and also take some control over the whole situation

to be honest mj...i couldnt see any good coming of questioning her about her talkin bout other guys...thats the way she is and i think that would just annoy her...........ive just told her i think it would be better if we didnt contact each other anymore...that i still really cared for her and that i need to sort my head out to be the friend she wants me to be...ready to think about myself now

cheers echo, its great to have this place to get things of your chest, and to have you guys for support...looking forward to waking up one morning and thinking 'wot do i want for breakfast' instead of thinking bout her....thats my first goal

ive just been out for the evenin with my ex for a prior arrangment..had a lovely evenin together talkin bout run of the mill stuff, she just dropped me off...and i told her! i love bieng a friend to you ,but..i still really care for you, and need to get to a place where i could be just a friend, and i think it would be better if we didnt contact each other.........feel surprisingly cool about it, no doubt there will b a bit of a rollercoaster ride ahead,but this is something i need to do for myself, i dont wanna waste anymore time and energy on someone who doesnt want to be with me......thx to the people who have given me their much welcomed advice, probably will need more of that in the weeks to come....best wishes to all

guess it wouldnt hurt to tell her how im feelin then,seems a better idea than just stoppin answering her calls....think that would make me seem a bit bitter. im actually looking forward to no contact for a while, feel like ive been stuck in some kind of limbo land for a month or so...thx for the advice guys

my ex girlfriend split with me, but calls and txts at least every other day, im gonna go no contact with her after a prior arrangment on fri, but wondered if i should let her know how much i think of her ..before i tell her that we should no longer communicate for a while...would appreciate some advice........

you need time to heal and you have told him that selfi, the whole point of n/c is to make you stronger emotionally..theres happens to be a spin off bonus that dumper starts to miss you, and may contact you again, but for him to txt you the following night ,is in my book inconsiderate of how your feeling..and a way for him to tug on your heartstrings and see how weak you are...

thx for the much needed feedback sg...felt bad 'bout just blanking her text message last nite....felt it was a bit rude seeing there hasnt been any arguments or anything, she has been straight down the line with me..so i phoned her this mornin and arranged to meet for the game, figure your right thats its better to tell her i need sometime to sort my head out after the game and go n/c then, will be hard for me but i guess im not alone in that, hope all is well for you mate, it certainly seems to help bieng able to share with others.

Ive just read some of the other posts here and am really glad to have stumbled acrss this forum.....my girlfriend split with me about four weeks ago,she has been slowly withdrawing from the relationship over the last 6 weeks or so...she has slipped into a bit of a depression, has started a new job which takes up a lot of her time, has two kids to look after, one who is only 2 and has a few health problems..she has no spare income at all! she says that she feels she cant cope with a relationship right now, she uses the words 'RIGHT NOW over and over again. which makes me wonder if she sees a relationship maybe in the future..since we split she has phoned or text me nearly everyday..one time tellin me she missed me, sometimes callin me darlin or babe...sometimes ending a text in a x or xx! She came around my house the other morning after bieng out all nite with her new colleagues, tellin me about all the fun she had! im not sure now if she truly sees me as friend, or is just holding back, im also going on holiday for 7 weeks xmas eve and wonder if it affected her decision! .......ive been feelin pretty bad over the last four weeks unable to understand why she keeps in contact with me all the time if she doesnt want to be with me....until i came accross this forum today! i realise now that maybe she wants to keep me on a leash..and if all else fails, i'll be there for her.......she text me earlier askin how i was, and how work was........for the first time i havent replied....feel really bad about just ignoring her without saying anything....i also have got tickets for a football game for us and her son on friday nite.....i realise i have to start nc to get myself happy again,i already feel better after not replying to her earlier, but should i tell her im going to need to sort myself out, and how about letting them down with the tickets, her son will be gutted! im wondering if i should go on fri and start nc after that, or maybe just put the tickets through her door with an apology for not bieng able to make it...trouble is, if i do that ithink she will give the tkt that would have been mine to a new work colleague she seems to be spending time with,and maybe that would start something, i wish i had seen this forum last week before i booked the tickets and realised it was probably foolish now, what do you think? any advice?

Ive just read the first 20 pages of this post, and am really glad to have stumbled acrss this forum.....my girlfriend split with me about four weeks ago,she has been slowly withdrawing from the relationship over the last 6 weeks or so...she has slipped into a bit of a depression, has started a new job which takes up a lot of her time, has two kids to look after, one who is only 2 and has a few health problems..she has no spare income at all! she says that she feels she cant cope with a relationship right now, she uses the words 'RIGHT NOW over and over again. which makes me wonder if she sees a relationship maybe in the future..since we split she has phoned or text me nearly everyday..one time tellin me she missed me, sometimes callin me darlin or babe...sometimes ending a text in a x or xx! She came around my house the other morning after bieng out all nite with her new colleagues, tellin me about all the fun she had! im not sure now if she truly sees me as friend, or is just holding back, im also going on holiday for 7 weeks xmas eve and wonder if it affected her decision! .......ive been feelin pretty bad over the last four weeks unable to understand why she keeps in contact with me all the time if she doesnt want to be with me....until i came accross this forum today! i realise now that maybe she wants to keep me on a leash..and if all else fails, i'll be there for her.......she text me earlier askin how i was, and how work was........for the first time i havent replied....feel really bad about just ignoring her without saying anything....i also have got tickets for a football game for us and her son on friday nite.....i realise i have to start nc to get myself happy again,i already feel better after not replying to her earlier, but should i tell her im going to need to sort myself out, and how about letting them down with the tickets, her son will be gutted! im wondering if i should go on fri and start nc after that, or maybe just put the tickets through her door with an apology for not bieng able to make it...trouble is, if i do that ithink she will give the tkt that would have been mine to a new work colleague she seems to be spending time with,and maybe that would start something, i wish i had seen this forum last week before i booked the tickets and realised it was probably foolish now, what do you think? any advice?