I have NO CLUE as what to do....

[Angelindisguise]

I need some serious opinions here guys. My boyfirned and I have been dating for years now and I love him with all my heart. And I do want to spend the rest of my life with him, that's a given. I have a little problem though. I have been conversing with this guy on the internet for about 3 years now. We met accidentaly when he appeared on my messenger list one day. Even since then we have always had a connection and have talked ever since. I have never met him and his lives provinces away, but he's always on my mind and I care for him. I don't think it's romantically, maybe it is, but I would never EVER jepordize my relationship with my current man. i don't know what to do or what i should think. Is this cheating? I would be heartbroken if I found out my man was talking to a woman on the computer everyday for the past 3 years, which doesn't makes it even worse. I feel horrible, but at the same time I can't help my feelings for him. Our conversations are pretty harmless but there is some flirting going on. What do I do? I would love to maybe meet him someday, just because we have developed a wonderful friendship, but i'm lost. I wouldn't leave my current man for him, but I just don't want to have any regrets, you know what I mean???! HELP

[stratguy620]

I hate to say it, but you are going to have to make a firm decision here. If you stay in the situation that you are in now, your uneasy feelings will continue to get worse and worse. You have to pick between the 2 of them, or many problems will arise. I know it will be difficult, but it seems like the only solution here.

[RandomAdvisor]

This would fall under emotional infidelity. It is considered cheating. You put it well yourself when you say you would be upset if you found out your boyfriend were in the same situation with another woman. I'm assuming this means you've never mentioned this internet friend to your BF, which is the big giveaway that it's cheating.

 

You need to choose. I'm assuming you will choose your BF. Thankfully you only know this guy on the internet, so going to no contact will be easy. Add him to your block list on the messenger program, as well as e-mail. If anything does get through to you, ignore it.

[traz]

I would be heartbroken if I found out my man was talking to a woman on the computer everyday for the past 3 years

 

I think this is the key...if you'd feel terrible if it happened to you, then its likely you shouldn't be doing it. Just from reading your post, it sounds like you have some feelings of guilt, which may indicate that you feel somewhere inside that what you're doing is at least a bit wrong...I think its probably best if you ended the talk with the other guy, or at least look inside yourself and be fully honest as to what you may feel for him and go from there.

[meadow8]

I'm not sure what you mean by having any regrets. With that sentence, it sounds as if you ARE curious about this person romantically (and maybe not as sure of your relationship as you're trying to convince yourself of). But you have to remember, curiosity and reality are two different things.

 

I'm not sure which way you should go but I can say a similar situation happened to me. I also randomly started talking to a guy online about 7 years ago- he had a girlfriend, I had a boyfriend, he was in Australia, I was in NYC. It was strictly platonic and a great friendship evolved over the years. We kept in touch and wrote back and forth and I never felt weird or guilty because while there may have been the slightest itty-bitty sense of flirting, it never crossed the line. Fast forward to a year ago, we're both now single, we decide to talk on the phone, talk incessantly for months which leads to meeting in Hawaii and a long stay in NYC and now we're heading towards getting engaged.

 

Point is, you never know what's out there. I found my soulmate on the other end. But if you really are THAT dedicated to your boyfriend and sure that he's the one, I don't think you should meet this guy. But I also see nothing wrong with continuing an online friendship if it's clear to both that that's all it is. Life is not so black and white- not so wrong and right. What you need to do is ask yourself honestly why you're interested? Guilty feelings stem from the fact that you feel something for this person and think about him- obviously not something easy to turn off and on. I DON'T think it would be considerate to just block this person and never speak to them again. Everyone has feelings and at the very least, explain your situation honestly and then say goodbye.

[Angelindisguise]

Thanks a lot for the replies everyone. I do feel a bit better. My problem was, I don't want to jepordize what I currently have for something so risky. I have never met this person and don't know them all that well(i mean there is only so much you can learn about someone on the computer) but it's the curiosity that provokes me. Our conversing is harmless, subtle flirting here and there. It's not like I want to leave my current BF for this guy, or cheat on him for that matter, heaven forbid, I just don't want anything to blow up. Commiting to someone for life is a big deal and I just don't want ANY regrets. I will follow my heart and be happy with my man, but still converse with the wonderful friend I have met. Thanks guys!!!!

[yeawutever]

Plain simple, don't talk to the other guy, do NC on him.

[babycristy456]

Ill say one thing...and i hope you get my drift:

 

"curiosity killed the cat"

 

Okay ill guess Ill say a little bit more just because you sound like you mean well...

I think you should focus on the real person in your life. Thats not to say that this guy on the internet is not "real". But since you have never met him, he has not really made an impact on your life...Has he been there when you needed a shoulder to cry on? Has he hugged you when you needed some love and care? Well, Im not good with example, but you get my point.

 

I think this friend online is just too vague for you to risk something big like your relationship. If your boyfriend found out, he might be very upset, just like you would be too.

 

I would snip it in the bud. Although its been 3 years of friendship, you guys still have not met. That should be enough for you to tell him goodbye, so long!

[Angelindisguise]

I agree, thanks again guys. My point was that I would never consider leaving my current man for him, nor would I go out of my way to meet his guy, but I just wanted to know if what I am feeling is normal? If it's wrong? Should I cut him off just cause? I will take all of your suggestion into consideration...it really helped..thanks again!

[Rabican]

You must not love your man as much as you think, if you did he would mean enough to you that you would drop your cyber relationship. You said yourself you would be heartbroken if he was doing the same thing... if you love him dont you think you owe it to him to NOT do something that would break his heart? Seems pretty simple to me.

 

For all you know the internet guy is a 450 pound 80 year old man.... who happens to be an axe murderer with 7 wives... get my point?

 

You have a man that you love now... drop the cyber guy. Just tell him that you are happy with your current man, and that your 'fling' is interfering with your real relationship. Then block him, or change your messenger name or whatever.

 

My .02