How do you deal with a death in the family

[steff]

Today, it was slapped in my face that what is happening is real. my grandmother is dieing from cancer, and today was put in palliative care (where u go to die) we went to visit her, as i walked past one of the windows to the place, i looked in and saw this frail old lifeless body lieing in the corps position in bed, it was then that i thought "wow, if thats what some of the people look like in here, granny must be really bad" we were led into her room, and to my disbelief that lifeless body was my granny. i had seen her like only 5 days prior too, and she looked so much better then. i refarmed from crying nearly the whole time that i was there.

 

when my dad came home from the hospital, he told us that the doctors had said, that they give her 24hours to 2 weeks to live. wow what a slap in the face again. granny is my last grandparent and that really hurts me. i love my grandparents, i had my second last grandparent die in feb this year. but now im going to lose my last one. everytime someone talks about it, i just think about james, or pretend that their not talking about anyone i know. i dont really let them see me cry, i just sort of leave wipe my eyes and return. i dont know what to do, i need to be strong for dad. when opa died in feb, i still havent gotten over it. how do i cope with losing my last grandparent, and not show the emotion about it. i need to be strong, and i cant show the tears. whats the best thing to do. help me i dont want to look weak, and i dont want to cry.

 

thank you for helping me, i really am thankful for it

[avman]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with crying over the death (or imminent death) of a loved one. You are supposed to cry. You are grieving. It is totally normal and thats the whole reason we have funerals. We go to say goodbye to our loved one, to cry with everyone, to share our grief.

 

Please, please do not worry about trying to be strong at this time. Your father completely understands your need to grieve and to cry. Cry together with him. Holding it inside will be very painful and will only prolong the time that you feel bad.

 

When you go to the funeral parlor you will notice many strategically placed tissue boxes. They are there for a reason, trust me.

 

I've lost all my grandparents and also a parent. I do understand what you are going through. I wish I could tell you something that will make it easier, but I can't. This will be something you will have to go through. We all do at some point or another.

 

You are not weak. You are human. Talk to your dad about this. It really will make you feel better and it will bring you two closer together.

 

And my thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time.

[QTpie87]

Death is a hard thing, expecially when it comes to family and really close friends. I lost one of my best friends (it'll be 3 years this coming july). The only advice I can give you is to not hide your emotions, don't bottle them up, talk about it, let people know what you are going through, sure they wont always if never know what to say, and it most likely wont help (what they have to say) but letting it out will be self help weither what they say helps or not.

Im so sorry about what's happening though. I truly am. One of the only things that helped me when mike died was what one of my friends had told me-----morn for those who are born into this world and rejoice for those who leave it. The reason is because this world is so messed up, yes there are good things in it but everyone goes through pain, when you die you go to heaven with god and there is no pain.

 

good luck, hang in there.

love Qtpie87

[WildChild]

I am so sorry to hear about your Grandmother. Losing a family member is so hard no matter how much we think we are prepared.

 

I know that you don't want to cry or be weak, but letting out your grief is important. People grieve in different ways and sometimes in ways that other people don't understand. However, grieving is an emotion that God gave us. It is a way to cleanse ourselves of the pain we go through in life. If you feel like crying but feel you can't in front of your dad or other people, do so in your own privacy.

 

Nobody can tell anyone how to handle a death. Death can do strange things to people and change who they are, and not always for the good. I have found in my experience that the less you let yourself grieve, the more destructive it can be.

 

Denial of someone dying is common, it is so hard to face the slap in the face of reality. I still am in denial over my step father's death as well as my Grandmothers. I was so very close to both of them. I realize though that my denial has now become unhealthy because with my step father it has been 2 1/2 years. I didn't get to see him daily so when I go to my Mother's it's like he is on one of his famous fishing or hunting trips. I don't know when I will face the reality, but I know it isn't healthy this long afterwards.

 

I wish you the best. I hope you will find solice somewhere, somehow or with someone.