Now what...ex questions?

[lonelyfish]

Is the surgery serious? I'm curios what SuperDave will have to say regarding your other post that I just read. Maybe if you she has not called you again before her surgery you could at least send her a get well card afterwards.

[OCD]

No, I don't think the surgery is life threatening, but still it's surgery. I won't get into details, but I was planning on being there for her and now I just sit and think what is going on? I can't just stop those feelings, heck I love her plain and simple. Even though she's not really showing me much love lately....SuperD will hopefully have a trick up his sleeve for this one....thanks.

 

OCD

[OCD]

Hi all,

SuperD gave me some thoughts regarding my situation to think about. I can't believe I've gone this long with the ups and downs, good days and bad days. Some days I'm so upset she left me and I'm over her then the very next I miss her like you wouldn't believe. The first love of my life was the only other time where I've had this much difficulty getting over an ex....funny story about that is about 2 years after she left me for her boss, yeh I know it's a bad Jerry Springer episode....but she ended up wanting me back and said that she always loved me and that she made a mistake. At that pointe she was going through a divorce with her boss that she married and was a wreck so I didn't try to persue it and I was over her. Well I wasn't completely over her because she was my first love, but she did come back so to speak...So my ex now, the one that left me, I'm having the same trouble with letting go. I've had girl friends on and off me being the dumper and being the dumpee, and this one strikes my heart very deep. Perhaps because I'm a little older and want to settle down and have a family, I'm only 32. And I really thought this was the person to settle down with...so I hope it ends up like my first love where she wants me back, but I don't know about waiting 2 years from now...heck it's killing me now and it's only been almost 4 months. I haven't gotten a call from her since Thanksgiving weekend. It's burning me up inside that I should have answered her calls, but I was on a date when the 3 calls came in. I could have returned her call that night though....do you think I'll get another call from her soon?? I'd really love to hear from her again and I guess I'm getting weak and am just wanting anything from her. I know that's a bad groove to be in. I shouldn't take table scraps from her...SuperD did say to make a choice when doing NC....what are my intensions....mine has always been to get her back. I know I need to heal and actually get completely over her. And then, and only then will I have a chance to get her back because I won't be so worried about it. Man....I wonder what she's thinking....is she thinking about me.....I would do anything to hold her in my arms tonight....thanks guys.

 

OCD

[lonelyfish]

OCD,

 

I totally understand your situation. I'm going to be a little blunt with you now - here's the thing. You said your ex was previously in a 9 year marriage prior to her meeting you. Same thing with my ex. I'm not sure what your background is but her breaking up with you had nothing do with you. You need to chalk it up to bad timing and that's why she seems so confused with you. In her eyes you probably appear to be everything that she could possibly want in a guy but as she recently ended a marriage she realized she can't rush into anything serious with you. The last thing you can do right now is to force her into a relationship with you. You will look so much better in her eyes if you keep your distance, appear to be over her, and just let her see that your having fun on your own. My suggestion is to just be friendly with her. I would send her that get well card. I know Superdave has told us all not to send the Xmas card, but you know what, I'm sending one to my ex and adding one of my funny lines to it that always makes him laugh. I'm sending it not because I'm expecting to get him back (because of N/C i've feeled I've healed though I still have my moments and now wondering if I did get him back would it be worth all the trouble again), because I would like to make a lightheated statement. I know he feels a little uncomfortable with what happened with us so whatever - I would like to just try to lighten the mood and open the doors for at least friendly contact in the future and believe anything is possible. But you have do whatever you feel is right for your situation.

[OCD]

The last thing you can do right now is to force her into a relationship with you. You will look so much better in her eyes if you keep your distance, appear to be over her, and just let her see that your having fun on your own.

 

You think this will make me look better? Alright, but I still think about her everyday...

 

Thanks for the reply Lonely...you're right, I guess it is a timing issue and thanks for pointing out that this didn't have anything to do with me. Even my ex said those exact same words. Our relationship had its ups and downs, disagreements and making up moments, but it was always great at the end of the day. I miss her son as well, we bacame such good friends it hurts. I keep thinking back to when I saw them in the store and all I did was say hello, waved and moved on. Normally I would have stayed and chatted for a bit, but I thought she just threw me away so I was hurt and figured she didn't deserve my friendship....I don't know what to do. I'll try to keep it friendly, but it's only when she calls right? I don't think it's a good idea for me to call her even though she told me that I could always call her even in the middle of the night, but I figured NC would help me get over her and make her miss me. I think I will send her a card regarding her surgery, my gut tells me it's the right thing to do. I'm just not sure what to put in the card....any thoughts? Thank you.

 

OCD