I am SOO Jealous!

[Jabe]

Hello, I've been going out wiht my girlfriend for 6 months.

 

We went out for a month over almost 2 years ago, and things didn't work out.

 

Anyway, during that month, she had cheated on me once. She was drunk and made out with some jerk off. I know it didn't mean anything though.

 

I am jealous by nature I guess, but with her I am even more jealous. I don't know why and I can't stop thinking about her cheating on me. It feels like I have a disease. All I think about is her cheating on me when I'm not with her. But at the same time, I know that she would never cheat on me. We are in love and I know she loves me soo soo much, but I just can't stop thinking about it. It's getting to the point where it's getting in the way of other things in my life. I actually get jealous if one of my buds gives her a ride home from school, or even if she's talking to guys at school. It's soo ridiculous... but I can't help it.

 

Is there anything that I can do to help this?

 

Thanks so much.

[temptazn]

well as hard as it is ..if u believe she wont cheat on u again then u just have to let it go!! that whole paranoia isnt healthy and yea it will drive u crazy. i guess since shes already done it once that probably deep down, although u dont want to admit it. that u reckon she is capable of doing it again. all i can say is and this is jus MY opinion is either let go of ur fear or let her go. its jus going to stuff up everything for u and eat u alive if u dont do anything about it

hope it works out..

[Jabe]

There is no way I can let her go. I need to get hypnotised outta this or something, haha.

[sprawl]

Why would she make out with another guy while she's with you?

Are you just there because you make her feel safe/comfortable/loved/etc without her having to do much in return?

 

My relationship with my gf just ended two weeks ago and I think that second question has been repeating over and over in my mind. It feels like the whole time I was in the relationship I was just being used like this and I just wish I had realized this sooner.

[Jabe]

Are you just there because you make her feel safe/comfortable/loved/etc without her having to do much in return?

 

Well no. She does a lot for me to show she loves me aswell. I do make her feel safe, cofmortable, loved, etc but she makes me feel that way too. That is good is it not?

[pizzachick13]

I agree with temptazn and you have to let this go or let her go. And since you don't want to let her go, then let your paranoia and fear go. Maybe even some couples therapy might help.

 

You're still young though Jabe and you never know what's going to hppen.

 

Good luck

 

Sappho...

[Meow18]

I have a feeling that this has a lot to do with her cheating on you. That is completely normal.

 

Does she act flirty around other guys?

 

Do you trust her? Do you believe she wouldn't cheat on you again? If you really do trust her, then you just have to keep reminding yourself of that.

 

It's normal to be jealous at times. But there's a problem when it effects the relationship. Why are you jealous with your friends? Do you think that she secretly wants them? Do you think that they would try to pull something? I think you really need to think about what makes you jealous exactly. That's the only way to figure out how to fix it.

[PocoDiablo]

Anyway, during that month, she had cheated on me once. She was drunk and made out with some jerk off. I know it didn't mean anything though.

I beg to differ. The very fact that your GF put herself in a situation where something could happen is a slap in your face. Her actions tell me "I don't care if something happens with another guy because I do not care enough about Jabe."

 

I am jealous by nature I guess, but with her I am even more jealous. I don't know why and I can't stop thinking about her cheating on me. It feels like I have a disease. All I think about is her cheating on me when I'm not with her.

Well, DOH! Of course you do! And you have every right to as well! You are absolutely 100% correct in what you are thinking! She *did* cheat on you. And if she really cared about you, she never would have done that.

 

But at the same time, I know that she would never cheat on me. We are in love and I know she loves me soo soo much, but I just can't stop thinking about it. It's getting to the point where it's getting in the way of other things in my life. I actually get jealous if one of my buds gives her a ride home from school, or even if she's talking to guys at school. It's soo ridiculous... but I can't help it.

Of course not, your body is a lot smarter than your brain. Your body is telling you something. Do you know what it is? Do you know what the solution is?

 

Is there anything that I can do to help this?

Yeah, there is.

 

You have to understand that the jealousy comes from a lack of self-control and a lack of self-confidence. You are worried that you are not good enough for her and that she will cheat on you. Of course this is very natural. She slapped you in the face when she cheated, so she indirectly said "You lack confidence. I know you will let me do anything I want. I know I can walk all over you. I know you would never stand up to me. I can disrespect you and you'll let me. You are a child."

 

You do not love her, you actually HAVE hypnotized yourself. (I majored in Psychology, specifically clincal hypnosis and cult induction techniques - mind control basically.) The more you think about her - good or bad (especially bad) - the more you will be drawn to her.

 

You need to learn how to become a man. You have to learn self-resspect, self-control, and self-confidence.

 

You also need to STOP thinking about her. When she comes into your mind, go play a video game, call a friend, watch a movie. Anything!

 

The short solution is simple: Go tell her "I just wanted to let you know that I do care about you deeply, but when you spend lots of time with other men and are physical with them in any way it is disrespectful towards me. When you spend time with them alone it is a slap in my face. I am letting you know that I am not going to tolerate being treated like this any more. You can do whatever you want to do, but keep in mind that I may not stick around if I feel you are treating me poorly." Be polite, be firm, don't let her interrupt, and don't let her challenge you in any way on this topic. Tell her "That's just the way it is. You can accept it or not, that's your decision." Do not yell. Do not mention cheating. Do not mention jealousy.

 

Then, if you see her with another man, and SHE is TOUCHING him or letting him touch her, you come up to her and ask her to come step aside with you for a second. Get her alone/away from the guy and tell her very quietly "Do you remember what I said about being physical with other guys? This is very disrespectful. Why would you disrespect me like this?" and see what she says. Accept nothing but an apology and a promise to never be physical with another guy again.

 

If you get anything else, then it means she has intentions with these guys (touching is the #1 sign a woman wants a man) and you should realize she is cheating on you, or will cheat again. Dump her on the spot.

 

You need to be enough of a man to recognize when a woman is using you. You cannot tolerate this behavior. You cannot allow it to happen. Use self-control and politely but firmly tell your woman the rules, the expectations, so there are no surprises and then back it up.

 

When people see you dump a cheater, they will immediately recognize that you are a real man, and not a sucker or a kiss-up. Other women will also see this and be drawn to you because you have demonstrated that you are a real man. Otherwise, they will just see a down-trodden loser being used by a wicked woman.

 

With any luck your woman wil respect your authority and behaving like a mature and adult man and will come back around.

 

Problem solved, I hope!