Depression

[Hao]

Hi im a 21 yrs old girl and i fall in love with a 18 yrs old guy who lives in the states. We get to know each other in the forum for a few mths and he decided to make me his steady girlfriend. we have a lot in common especially music and so on.We have been together for at least 7 months

 

We tried to spend our time together thru the cellphone as well as the AIM. the problem started when he moved out to a place which is nearer to his school. I know things had be so hard for him as he is all alone with some roommates and he has to work full time to make end meets at the same time be in the college.

 

We have been fighting a lot about him not meeting me online as he promised me but each time our fight was a short while as we patch up everything up. Only recently, things has got worst as his finals are near plus his job, he hardly has time with me. Either did he answer my messages or he fall asleep when the time he suppose to met me.

 

Yesterday, he doesnt sound like he always do, and he acted cold towards me..today seems that he is ignoring all my messages that i have given to him. Is it he didnt received it or no time to answer me or he just ignored it. I dont know. Im very confused and tears always flows down thinking of what going to happen in our relationship. is it me that asking too much from him or is it him? I love him so much that i dont want to lose him. He told me that he loves me but do i know that its true? On one occasion he told me he hated long distance...im confused...very confused

 

Please Advice

[Reilly2856]

Long distance relationships are hard to maintain for this obvious reason, you never can tell what the other person is thinking when things start going downhill. In one respect, he does seem to have a lot of things going on right now, and it may simply be his busy schedule rather than any attempt to brush you off. Give him some time...hang back and see what happens.

 

You may also consider reflecting on where you want this relationship to go....AIMs and cellphone calls are all fine but, it cannot substitute for physical presense.

[registered]

Hi Hao.

 

I think this is a stressful and busy time for him. Sometimes people will act cold because of the stress they are under, even if they think they are managing it well. Sometimes they just don't mean it.

I think you should just be patient. He will reply to you, do not worry. He may not be able to at the moment, or may just need a little space. But he will reply to you soon.

 

Him saying that he hates your LDR should not necessarily be something to be concerned about exactly. He probably means that he would prefer a relationship where you could be together in the same place but that he just wants to be with you whatever it takes and if that means long distance then it has to be like that.

If he has told you he loves you then you should believe it. You can never know if this is true no matter what sort of relationship you have, no matter what separates the two people. When things have settled down in his life just speak to him. You will at the least be able to have an incline to his exact feelings. But wait until things settle down before you make such a judgement.

 

If it is possible, try and be flexible if that helps him out with your communications. But when possible make sure you discuss all that is going on with him so he you each no where the other stands.

 

I admire the effort you two make to allow this relationship to work. I wish you all the best with it, just keep at it.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

I am in a LDR too.

You just need to loosen it up abit. This is because he would be tired and stressed by the school work and part time work. He hate LDR because he hate the distance. When we are tired, we could not communicate well and easily enter into argument. Frankly, I would avoid talking to my LD bf when I am very tired. Remember to choose your battle.

 

If both of you want your LDR to work out, you need to keep in touch on each other lives. Besides that, you also need to have other life beside him. Because there is no point waiting for him to call and waiting him online. It will be frustrating, I know because I have been there before.

 

If both of you could not chat online at the same time, leave him a message or email.

 

Feel free to PM me.

[Hao]

hi

 

i know i have to loosen up a bit but u know love make you do crazy things like msgs and calling for more than 20 times in hoping he wake up but he didnt. Sometimes i was thnking i dont know if i can live this way..i really dont. but when i thnk about the love that we have..keep me thinking.especially when he said that he will be online in fifteen minutes but he didnt come online until the msgs and the call comes in which will take another hr or two..is he avoiding me?

[skyjuice]

Hi

Em...in my opinion, I think he is not avoiding you, as he eventually come online after one hour or two. It might be that something come out he want to attend to, before he could get to you online. It is also possible that he want to know that would you wait for him to online. Sometimes, when we keep demanding, people will get frustrated and reluctant to give in to what we want.

 

Yes, love did make us do crazy things. For example, when I miss him very much, I would have the urge to text message him. However, I would try to limit the text message like once a day. Because too many text message would be consider spaming, which is not good.

 

You know your situation better than me, this is some suggestion that I tried and it works. See if it would suit you. Be aloof for few days. For example, don't demand to have an online chating. Don't ask when could him be online. Get yourself busy, enjoy yourself and then tell him what you did when he eventually meet you online. Because he will roughly know when you will be online, if he want to chat with you, he will show up.

[Hao]

Thanks for all the help guys...it doesnt work for us. We decided to go our separate ways in a painful way....

 

Guest12345678 and Registered feel free to email me instead the pm doesnt work for me i dont know why.

 

it was on the 2 dec 2005...;_;

[MRSinPA]

It's important for you to remember that he has a LOT going on! As you said, he works, and has school, and probably has a lot of other things that he has to do in his life on TOp of having a great (although difficult) relationship with you. LDRs are very emotionally starining on most people, especially when they don't feel that they have enough time to spend communicating with the person they care about.

 

SO, it falls on you to help him out here! You have to try to be patient. He may not always have a chance to respond to your emails or call you, but you need to start going the extra mile. Send him one message a day. NO MORE THAN THAT! Send him a BRIEF message saying that you love him and you hope he's doing alright and that he has a great day. Or just let him know you're thinking about him. do that for a week. After that, start sending him two messages, one first thing in the morning and one in the evening. Don't hound him with messages. when he's able to, he'll respond.

 

I can almost guarantee you that he thinks of you and he probably wishes he had a lot more hours in the day so he could spend more time talking with you. I had the same problems in my LDR. I had to learn a LOT of patience, but eventually it all worked out.