This can't be happening to me :(

[JohnPaul05]

Hello Enotalone,

 

First off I feel a bit weird talking about this kind issue as I never expected it to happen to me.

 

Okay so I'm a new biology teacher in a high school. The job is great; I get along with my colleagues quite fine, the science technicians who are just upstairs are a great help when I need equipment for my lessons. My boss Mr Lunn is a terrific guy especially when I am having trouble with a particular misbehaved student.

 

Anyway I met this girl who is from the college accross the otherside of the school, she is studying Health social, as well as chemistry and drama. We sometimes talk for about 20 minutes or so each day when we are on free periods, she is sometimes on her own while her friends are in lessons so she will come and keep me company for a bit.

 

Anyway this girl is 17 and I'm 27, but she is amazing. She's called Sarah and she is just the most beautiful, intelligent and funny girl I have ever met. Her main interests are football, music, comedies and is very good chemistry. The problem is here that I have fallen for her but one of the science technicians has fallen for me.

 

I don't want to sound big headed but a lot of the female students have crushes on me, I have been told by both pupils and colleagues. So there is this love triangle going on and I don't have a clue on how to deal with it! This science technician Jayne keeps asking me out on dates and flirting with me too much. I'm flattered but you know I'm not really interested. I didn't set out for any of this too happen but I can't stop thinking about Sarah. I really like her but as a teacher anything other than just "Friends" would be very innapropriate and can cost me my job as well a jail sentence. I really like Sarah she listens to everything I say, and we share a lot of interests and I really look forwards to seeing everyday, her smile is just beautiful.

 

I'm quite a jam and need some advice but I don't want to be judged in anyway. I am a decent guy, I really am and I haven't broken any boundaries nor do I intend to.

 

Thanks John Paul

[Beec]

As far as Jayne, if you are not interested, then let her know. She is not getting the hint, so tell her if she keeps pursuing you and you want it to end. If you can fend it off and don't want to say, then don't. Your choice.

 

As far as Sarah, look and don't touch. You know that. Your big question is when and if do you think about changing that. How long do you need to wait? And if you want to make a move eventually, how do you give yourself the best chance.

 

In the interim, find someone else to date outside of the school.

[Meow18]

What do you tell Jaynie when she asks you out? If it's starting to become a bother, you might just need to come straight out and tell her that you are flattered, but just not interested.

 

As for Sarah, you can't help the way you feel. But it's good that you know the boundaries and you seem to not want to do anything that could risk your job. I'm not sure what the all the exact rules are for that kind of stuff is though, but is this something that in a couple of years you would be able to date her?

[BellaJ]

If you spend a lot of your free time talking with her people could get the wrong idea and you could get a reputation. Just a thought.

 

I'm not totally against age gaps, I dated a 30yr old when I was 20 and it was a healthy, happy relationship. She will be 18 one day and then legal if you really care about each other. Since you are a teacher a relationship like that could create a lot of bad gossip. Its a hard decision.

My only advice is to be careful and not let your emotions take control and put you in a bad position with your colleagues.

[Jonboy582]

I suggest dont hitch up with Sarah ever. Gossip will sspread through out the school even if she has left. And students will loose respect for you, andyou dont want that as a teacher. The class may become uncontrolable, then your bosswill think you doing a bad job and you may end up loosing it anyway. These things always come back to haunt you in the future.

[miracle29]

Sarah doesnt have long until she is 18. If you still feel this urge to be with her, please do her and you the favor of atleast waiting until she turns 18. After she is 18, then I think you atleast have a legal leg to stand on.

 

Also make sure she is in college. If she is still in highschool, then a relationship with her will be both damaging to your career as well as your reputation. If you can wait for her until those respectable times in her life then I think the benefits you will reap will be all the better.

[woah_jaxsta]

This happened at my school - one of the teachers ended up marrying a student! There was alot of speculation as to if there realationship was started while she was still at school or not! He was at least 10 years older than her. I'm guessing he waited otherwise he wouldn't have still been there when i got there about 5 years later!

 

As you've fallen for Sarah - i say wait and then go for it when she's old enough.

 

As for Jayne - you really do need to tell her that your just not interested and make sure she understands it!

[Itsok]

You know that part of being a teacher includes "hands off" with regards to students. Let's say you date her and no one knows and it's kept very secret.

 

Suddenly something happens between the two of you: she'll tell everyone in the school, you'll be fired, your rep is ruined, and not to mention you'll have that reference sitting on your resume the rest of your life.

 

Is it worth this? Nope. Not unless she is out of school, and not unless you're willing to lose your job.

[summer_in_greece]

Just ignore them. I have had that happen to me several times too. Just completely ignore the girls, and they should lose interest sooner or later. Maybe it will take a couple of weeks, but they are bright enough to see that a relationship with you isn't viable. So just ignore them and forget about the matter.

[ratherbesailing]

John - I would think that even being friends with a young female student would be dangerous to your career and reputation. If nothing else her friends are going to notice and talk. Please weigh the risk and decide if you really want to chance your career.

 

I doubt there is a guy out there that is going to be critical of you for having feelings for her but do realize how much you've changed and grown from when you were 17 and how much she will do the same. Would a relationship with someone 10 years older really be in her best interest even when she is 18 or 19?

 

I'd put your friendship with her on hold till she graduates, then you can keep some contact but I'd wait till she's at least 20 before considering dating her. She's a teenager, let her experience the things a 17 year old should experience before she makes the jump to the adult world that you live in. I know what I'm suggesting isn't easy, but it is in her best interest.