Found out he's cheating the day before my birthday.

[freeindeed]

Yesterday, I found out that my, now, ex has been cheating on me with his ex. I should have known it was inevitable as his ex lives in the same state as him (he moved back a couple months ago). When I confronted him, he got mad at me, told me it was over. Even up until a few days ago he was telling me he loved me, that he wanted to buy me a house and for me to move out there with him. He sent me early birthdays cards telling me how I was his WHOLE world. How does somebody do that and then cheat? It doesn't make sense.

 

I would've broken up with the a-hole, but he did it (in a screaming fit) while I was trying to get answers to the whole situation.

 

I feel so hurt and betrayed. I can't believe this is his b-day present to me after all we've been through. I'm so upset right now.

[kellbell]

Ok, for starters... Happy BIrhday!!!

 

I am so sorry about what happened. (((hugs))) He sent you all those cards and was affectionate so you won't think anything was up, the little weasel was covering his tracks. Some people become very distant when they cheat but sometimes it can go the other way, they become over-affectionate either out of guilt for their actions or so you won't think something is up. Stinks either way. You are better off without him. Stinks it had to happen before your birthday.

[RayKay]

Sorry to hear about this happening to you freeindeed.

 

I know there is not much I can say to help you with the pain and feelings that arise from this but...to say he's a jerk, you deserve better and what goes around comes around and the usual rhetoric

 

Why I don't know, obviously he has a different standard of values then you thought he did, or something.

 

And...while I know the "happy" may not be hard for you to feel right now.....

[darkblue]

He sounds childish, immature and inconsiderate.

Be happy that he saved you the trouble of breaking up and move on - you deserve better.

[Meow18]

I agree with the others.

 

That was such a jerky thing to do. Even though you got hurt, it's good that he is out of your life because you deserve so much better!

 

It doesn't matter who broke up with who, the point.. and the only thing that matters, is that he was an insensitive jerk and now he's gone.

 

Just try to work on getting over him. I know how hard it is, even when they did something so horrible to you.

 

Just remember that you did not deserve what he did to you. For whatever reason, he chose to hurt you. He's not even worth thinking about.

 

I just read your past post, and I'm sure that in a couple of days, he's going to call you begging you to forgive him. And if he does, you need to prepare yourself. Whether you take him back or not is a choice you would need to make, but you need to know where you stand. You need to remind yourself that nothing he could do will erase the pain he caused on you.

[Beec]

Ok, if he cheated, I am not about to defend him.

 

But how did he cheat on you, while he is an "ex"?

[yeawutever]

Well good thing he's ur ex now, u don't need a jerk like that, and yes happy b-day.

[RayKay]

Ok, if he cheated, I am not about to defend him.

 

But how did he cheat on you, while he is an "ex"?

 

He became an ex last night when she said he broke it off with her...before that he was a boyfriend

[yeawutever]

Yea, he was her b/f before cuz she didn't know about it, now that she does, he's now her ex. How terrible to find that out just when it's gonna be ur b-day. And reason he yelled saying it's over is maybe he feels guilt that you found out and he doens't wanna deal with that. He's embarrass, cuz see igaine if he comes begging he for forgive, he can't stand it so thats why he might be acting like that. I herad some people even blame the other person who got cheated on and when they're caught, then they say "it's over". They don't wanna deal with the fact that you cna't trust them anymore, they might feel bad themselves so that's why prollie they act like jerks.

[freeindeed]

He definitely blamed me...in fact, his words were "YOU PUSHED ME TO IT!"

 

There's nothing more I hate than when a person can't take culpability for their own actions. What a prick.

 

He called me yesterday, while I was out having a wonderful time, drinking with my friends, and said "I just want to take a moment away from the drama to tell you happy birthday since it only comes once a year." What the heck is that all about? He cheats on me, blames me for it, treats me like crap, hangs up on me when I'm trying to get answers.... I seriously felt like I was going crazy when I found out. I had to leave work and I was screaming and crying on the phone to him, so much so that I lost my voice. And he leaves a message like that? Well, he can take his miserable "happy birthday" and shove it up his...a$$.

 

I'm not forgiving him this time. I'm not playing victim anymore. I'm done with his bullcrap and the fact that this was his b-day present to me....I'm freakin' DONE! I'll never forget it, and I hope I don't. My friends already said that they will slap the shiz out of me if I ever go back to him.

[pelican_babe2005]

That's horrible, how can anyone treat the person they claim to love like that.

[pelican_babe2005]

That's horrible, how can anyone treat someone they claimed to love like that?

[ratherbesailing]

freeindeed - my exwife was always nastiest when she knew she was wrong about something and I'd take the blame. When she backed out of mediation during the divorce the attorney could help himself, he said to me "boy, she really wants to blame you for what she's done". They get mean and selfish when they know the gigs up. No fault cheating, just like the car insurance. People without integrity can justify anything in their own heads.

 

Anger is great for helping us get over betrayal and I guess I'd have to thank her for acting like such a jerk when she cheated, it helped me realize that I was better off without her and that she wasn't half the woman I had made her out to be in my head.

 

Like your ex, I have some cards from her praising me for being such a great husband while she was carrying on with her afair. Who knows, maybe they mean what they say, maybe it is guilt or a coverup. The best thing is you see him for what he is and the rest isn't worth spending any time trying to analyze. It doesn't make sense because there is no sense to it.

 

It wasn't inevitable that he ended up with her because he lived near her. You deserve and are going to find a guy that won't cheat no matter what the situation is.

[freeindeed]

Thank you all for your sympathetic words and advice. It's been really tough. I've been searching for answers with no good result. I emailed the girl and I've tried calling my ex many times over with him just cursing me out and hanging up on me.

 

I don't know how I'm going to get closure and things are so crazy. One moment I'm fine and I know I'll move on and find something better, some moments I feel like I'm being tortured and I just want to take some pills and go to sleep and never wake up. Mostly, I feel anger. I'm glad he's 3000 miles away, otherwise I seriously think I would have physically attacked him.

 

I feel helpless and don't know what to do right now.

[ratherbesailing]

freeindeed - It is natural to want to confront the two of them, they've caused you so much pain, but from my own personal experience, it doesn't help after you've done it. You aren't going to get the signs of remorse from them that you need for closure. You will just feel worse and more frustrated. You are going to need to look elsewhere for the feeling of closure.

 

Talk to your mom, talk to your friends, see a counselor for a few visits, talk to a clergy member. Read some books on breakups. That's who will help you get closure. It feels awful right now but you will realize that he wasn't all you made him out to be and that your are actually better off now than you were before you found out what was going on. Five years from now you'll be married to a terrific guy who isn't selfish like your boyfriend was, maybe with kids?

 

This setback is temporary, it make take a little time but you will bounce back. Just watch the news today and you will see and hear about thousands of people who are in much worse situations. When I was wallowing in bad feelings I'd look up at the stars at night and realize just how insignificant my problems were at the time. It feels like the end of the world to you but it's just a little bump in the road and you'll be all the stronger and better a person from having experienced it.

 

The best revenge is always going to be showing them how great you are doing without him. Just pretend you're glad that he's gone, that will hurt him worse than anything.